Nearly 6 months sober - first post & advice
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 29
Nearly 6 months sober - first post & advice
Hi,
I've been dipping in and out of the forum conversations over the last 5 months or so, especially when I found myself mentally slipping.
So.... I'm nearly 6 months sober (the initial stages were actually part of a medical trial to alleviate the initial withdrawal that I won't go into to comply with the rules of this forum - and to protect any anonymity of the trial I might not have considered!).
Even now, part of my brain still thinks I don't have a problem whilst the fact that I've pursued abstinence convinces me that I must have! My conversations with the trial staff at the beginning consisted of "I don't want to give up but I want to not-want-a-drink and be able to make an unaddicted choice... if that makes sense.
Coming up to the 6 month point where I have my final meeting of the trial (I haven't relapsed once - hooray), I have these observations and perhaps you lovely people can speak to them a little?
I thought my immune system would be much improved. I've had four really full-on colds in five months (proper lie on the sofa to avoid annoying my partner, coughing away, for week-long stretches at a time).
I thought my energy would improve. It hasn't. I'm possibly more tired than I was before quitting (to be fair, my motivation has hugely improved so I do get on with things). I've slowly introduced better eating and regular gym sessions into the mix - but to no avail.
My mood doesn't seem to have particularly shifted either. I've identified that I tended to use alcohol to create a 'temporary death' - or at least an alleviation of sadness/stress/fear. And perhaps there has been a tiny shift but not so much that there isn't lots of stuff I still struggle to block out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thinner, truly confident when driving to work that I'm not remotely at risk of driving under the influence the day after and, for me, most importantly am hugely comforted by the realisation that booze or no booze, my thoughts and problems will always be there in the morning - and that alcohol will only 'offer' a temporary 'relief' (and a banging hangover the next day).
Does any of that make sense to anyone? I've been (and remain) patient. Perhaps I expected too much at the 6 months point.
Oh - one other thing - I renewed my Netflix subscription to give myself some "me time". Watching Stranger Things, there was a scene where a character drank far too much and ended up vomiting. It wasn't particularly graphic compared to other scenes I've seen in my time, but my visceral uncomfortableness with the scene really struck me. Alcohol and its resulting symptoms actually scare me now, enough for me to stay away. Somewhat the same in the supermarket too. Seems my mindfulness and associated mind-work is making a difference.
Anyway, hello. I should have come by to chat sooner.
I've been dipping in and out of the forum conversations over the last 5 months or so, especially when I found myself mentally slipping.
So.... I'm nearly 6 months sober (the initial stages were actually part of a medical trial to alleviate the initial withdrawal that I won't go into to comply with the rules of this forum - and to protect any anonymity of the trial I might not have considered!).
Even now, part of my brain still thinks I don't have a problem whilst the fact that I've pursued abstinence convinces me that I must have! My conversations with the trial staff at the beginning consisted of "I don't want to give up but I want to not-want-a-drink and be able to make an unaddicted choice... if that makes sense.
Coming up to the 6 month point where I have my final meeting of the trial (I haven't relapsed once - hooray), I have these observations and perhaps you lovely people can speak to them a little?
I thought my immune system would be much improved. I've had four really full-on colds in five months (proper lie on the sofa to avoid annoying my partner, coughing away, for week-long stretches at a time).
I thought my energy would improve. It hasn't. I'm possibly more tired than I was before quitting (to be fair, my motivation has hugely improved so I do get on with things). I've slowly introduced better eating and regular gym sessions into the mix - but to no avail.
My mood doesn't seem to have particularly shifted either. I've identified that I tended to use alcohol to create a 'temporary death' - or at least an alleviation of sadness/stress/fear. And perhaps there has been a tiny shift but not so much that there isn't lots of stuff I still struggle to block out.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thinner, truly confident when driving to work that I'm not remotely at risk of driving under the influence the day after and, for me, most importantly am hugely comforted by the realisation that booze or no booze, my thoughts and problems will always be there in the morning - and that alcohol will only 'offer' a temporary 'relief' (and a banging hangover the next day).
Does any of that make sense to anyone? I've been (and remain) patient. Perhaps I expected too much at the 6 months point.
Oh - one other thing - I renewed my Netflix subscription to give myself some "me time". Watching Stranger Things, there was a scene where a character drank far too much and ended up vomiting. It wasn't particularly graphic compared to other scenes I've seen in my time, but my visceral uncomfortableness with the scene really struck me. Alcohol and its resulting symptoms actually scare me now, enough for me to stay away. Somewhat the same in the supermarket too. Seems my mindfulness and associated mind-work is making a difference.
Anyway, hello. I should have come by to chat sooner.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome Clickonrick and congratulations on your 6 months of sobriety. Awesome! I enjoyed your post and identified with just about everything you said except the weight loss. I've put on a few pounds. 
.
The trial sounds awesome!
I hope you stay around. We're an awesome group.
.
. The trial sounds awesome!
I hope you stay around. We're an awesome group.
.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Welcome!
Good post, and I'll just comment on a few things I experienced.
Six months is a great accomplishment first of all! I haven't heard of a trial like yours, but it is an interesting approach.
At six months- which is still early in the grand scheme of things - I was still dealing with rather large fatigue, though I had begun to be able to work a demanding job at a restaurant with a three stair flights up patio!
The first fall I was sober (I am 25 mo and change now), so between 6-8 mo, I too had several colds and strep. I attribute it to my immune system healing; this past fall and even this winter I have only had one or two minor sicknesses like a 24 hr stomach bug. All my tests are clear and normal and thanks to yoga in fact, things like my oxygen saturation are near perfect, blood pressure is normal to low....
For me, and I was very sick when I quit drinking, time definitely took time. While everyone is different, I can attest to the fact that everything is better sober, mind/body/spirit/mood/etc - and the "problems" I do have in any area pale in comparison to the torture I lived with when drinking.
Take care of yourself- hope you keep going on a sober journey for good!
Good post, and I'll just comment on a few things I experienced.
Six months is a great accomplishment first of all! I haven't heard of a trial like yours, but it is an interesting approach.
At six months- which is still early in the grand scheme of things - I was still dealing with rather large fatigue, though I had begun to be able to work a demanding job at a restaurant with a three stair flights up patio!
The first fall I was sober (I am 25 mo and change now), so between 6-8 mo, I too had several colds and strep. I attribute it to my immune system healing; this past fall and even this winter I have only had one or two minor sicknesses like a 24 hr stomach bug. All my tests are clear and normal and thanks to yoga in fact, things like my oxygen saturation are near perfect, blood pressure is normal to low....
For me, and I was very sick when I quit drinking, time definitely took time. While everyone is different, I can attest to the fact that everything is better sober, mind/body/spirit/mood/etc - and the "problems" I do have in any area pale in comparison to the torture I lived with when drinking.
Take care of yourself- hope you keep going on a sober journey for good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 29
Thanks August and Rar. What a great welcome! The trial was (and is) interesting. However, I don't know whether I was a 'placebo' candidate or not - it will be interesting to find out. Either way, their method works OR I've done it all on my own - and ultimately, the most recent 5 months are most definitely all my own work!
All my medical stats have been pretty good throughout - which initially made me feel like a bit of a fraud... if not for three things...
1. My blood pressure when I was drinking was at the top end of normal - and with a family history of fatal strokes at a relatively young age (just 55 for my, I suspect, alcohol-dependent mother), I knew that given a few more years and a continued increase in consumption, I'd be in exactly the same place
2. Tests a few years ago suggested I was a perfect candidate for gout
3. The opening of the wine bottle (s) had shifted from 8pm, to 5pm, to sometimes 11am (at weekends). It didn't take a genius to work out that it would be for breakfast soon
Glad I found you guys.
All my medical stats have been pretty good throughout - which initially made me feel like a bit of a fraud... if not for three things...
1. My blood pressure when I was drinking was at the top end of normal - and with a family history of fatal strokes at a relatively young age (just 55 for my, I suspect, alcohol-dependent mother), I knew that given a few more years and a continued increase in consumption, I'd be in exactly the same place
2. Tests a few years ago suggested I was a perfect candidate for gout
3. The opening of the wine bottle (s) had shifted from 8pm, to 5pm, to sometimes 11am (at weekends). It didn't take a genius to work out that it would be for breakfast soon
Glad I found you guys.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1
Hi all,
A bit like clickonrick, I have been ‘lurking about’ and reading various posts on this website for a few weeks now. I stopped drinking 5 months ago, having finally realised that it was contributing to my anxiety rather than helping with it. I just wanted to thank all the contributors to this site - I’ve learned a huge amount on here, in particular about the kindling effect which I had never heard of, and which I now think was beginning to become an issue for me. This also appears to be a very supportive and welcoming community so I’m glad to have found it.
A bit like clickonrick, I have been ‘lurking about’ and reading various posts on this website for a few weeks now. I stopped drinking 5 months ago, having finally realised that it was contributing to my anxiety rather than helping with it. I just wanted to thank all the contributors to this site - I’ve learned a huge amount on here, in particular about the kindling effect which I had never heard of, and which I now think was beginning to become an issue for me. This also appears to be a very supportive and welcoming community so I’m glad to have found it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 129
Hi clickonrick. I’m pretty early into sobriety — three months behind you in fact — but it strikes me, both from my own experience, my experiences with my mother who has drunk for as long as I can remember and reading and hearing the experiences of others with alcohol addiction, that the back and forth between your recognition of your alcohol dependance and your residual belief that you’re not a problem drinker even so is part and parcel of having an alcohol problem. As I see it, alcohol addiction is visceral and wily: I’ve come to conclude that it uses your own voice to persuade, coax and punish you into drinking and I’ve found in my own efforts towards sobriety that it’ll start whispering in my ear (metaphorically speaking!) when I least expect it. Others seem to report the same. For me, when it starts up (it did yesterday, for example), I did as you do: I reminded myself of how much easier life is now and how much more mental time and energy (not to mention patience) I have for other things. It went quiet, and I’m told that the longer you stay sober, the quieter it becomes, even if it may never absent itself completely.
As far as the health stuff is concerned: well, I feel pretty lousy, but others have shared with me that feeling physically sub-par is well within the range of normal during early(ish) sobriety. Alcohol is a pretty powerful neurotoxin after all and exerts some pretty heavy stress on the body (immune function included) and I would guess that the longer you have been drinking (for me, alcohol has been in my life in some shape or form for nigh-on thirty years), the longer it might take to get back to what you might call a baseline. And, as I remind myself: if you’ve been drunk or hungover for years and have rarely gone more than a handful of days without drinking, you won’t know what normal feels like anyway! I want to feel better too, and I hope I will soon, but I think it’s probably just a question of being patient. And age does play a role: the older you are, the longer healing can take, and I’m certainly no spring chicken.
You know what, though? You’ve been sober six months. Six months! I think that’s a pretty incredible achievement and it’s very encouraging to hear the stories of others moving forwards in recovery. Please stay on the forums and share with us: I like the way you write.
As far as the health stuff is concerned: well, I feel pretty lousy, but others have shared with me that feeling physically sub-par is well within the range of normal during early(ish) sobriety. Alcohol is a pretty powerful neurotoxin after all and exerts some pretty heavy stress on the body (immune function included) and I would guess that the longer you have been drinking (for me, alcohol has been in my life in some shape or form for nigh-on thirty years), the longer it might take to get back to what you might call a baseline. And, as I remind myself: if you’ve been drunk or hungover for years and have rarely gone more than a handful of days without drinking, you won’t know what normal feels like anyway! I want to feel better too, and I hope I will soon, but I think it’s probably just a question of being patient. And age does play a role: the older you are, the longer healing can take, and I’m certainly no spring chicken.
You know what, though? You’ve been sober six months. Six months! I think that’s a pretty incredible achievement and it’s very encouraging to hear the stories of others moving forwards in recovery. Please stay on the forums and share with us: I like the way you write.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
I'd recommend educating yourself about the nature of alcoholism via your choice of methods - AA, AVRT, Rational Recovery... whatever works for you.
But a lot of what you are describing are symptoms I've come to learn are signs of untreated alcoholism. It isn't just about abstaining. You may find it helpful to use techniques from the various programs out there to help resolve - and I mean fix, resolve, etc. - some of the symptoms you are describing.
Knowledge and understanding are powerful.
Be well.
-B
But a lot of what you are describing are symptoms I've come to learn are signs of untreated alcoholism. It isn't just about abstaining. You may find it helpful to use techniques from the various programs out there to help resolve - and I mean fix, resolve, etc. - some of the symptoms you are describing.
Knowledge and understanding are powerful.
Be well.
-B
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Location: UK
Posts: 29
Thanks wynwrights & Buckley 3. Lots of welcome encouragement - thank you - and some stuff that I immediately felt uncomfortable with and didn't want to hear... which is exactly why I needed to hear it. Will continue to power on through!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Congrats on 5+ months of sobriety!
"Even now, part of my brain still thinks I don't have a problem"
That actually sounds like the voice of your addiction trying to trick you back into it's trap and not your actual brain! AV is a sneaky son of a gun.
At 6 months I was still pretty much a mess, emotionally I was still a complete mess. Physically I was getting a little better but still a mess. It takes some time to heal, if you do enough damage it's not an overnight kind of thing. I'm coming up on 14 months (two days away) and I'm actually coming out of the fog for real finally but it's still a hilly ride.
"Even now, part of my brain still thinks I don't have a problem"
That actually sounds like the voice of your addiction trying to trick you back into it's trap and not your actual brain! AV is a sneaky son of a gun.
At 6 months I was still pretty much a mess, emotionally I was still a complete mess. Physically I was getting a little better but still a mess. It takes some time to heal, if you do enough damage it's not an overnight kind of thing. I'm coming up on 14 months (two days away) and I'm actually coming out of the fog for real finally but it's still a hilly ride.
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