babyedwards

I'm so frustrated. I was doing amazing. Happy, healthy, practically anxiety free. Then on new years I thought I could handle doing a shot. Then the weekend after I thought I could handle a couple more drinks and so on and so on. Now It's April and I've been hungover more then half of the weeks. Anxiety is back. Skin is bad. Insomnia has returned. Why did I do this. I made it 6 months and threw it all away. I'm so upset. I'm so scared to start over.

My family life is complicated. I live in a poly household. My husband knows ive been drinking but is in denial about how bad my problem is. My boyfriend doesn't really know how bad it's gotten either. The only one who knows is my girlfriend and she is trying her hardest to get me thru this rough patch. I have so much support and they were all so proud of me and I just threw it all away.

I'm feeling very low. I've made a sleepy time tea and trying to re group and re focus. I hate failing. Sorry for the long post I just needed to get it out. Thanks everyone.

Berrybean

Well. You may be scared, but what are your options here?

To carry on doing the same?

Or to lean into your fear and take the chance on recovery?

Courage is not about being fearless. It's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

BB

Dee74

Hi BabyEdwards - sounds to me like the only real way forward is to fight your fear and recommit to recovery?

Your domestic situation may be unusual for most of us but it sounds like you have, and get, a lot of support there

why not come clean to everyone about how bad things have gotten and get the full benefit of that support?



D

babyedwards

I gotta re-commit. I can't lose another 6 years of my life to this. I've got too much to be thankful for. So, tomorrow is my new day 1 and I will call a family meeting and get everyone on the same page.

Gonna need this forum for the next little while..it really helped me. The only good thing is I don't need the heavy detox I had to do last time. This time is more mental then physical. Thanks for taking the time to read and respond.

Dropsie

Good for you.

tomsteve

i hope this family meeting isnt to put responsibility for your rcovery on them.

babyedwards

Nope. It's to fill everyone in as to where I am in my recovery and what my next plan of attack is.

Gottalife

What makes you think you have 6 years to lose? You have a terminal progressive illness that gets worse over time, exponentially worse. Of my rehab group, none who didn't go to AA (that's 70%) were dead within a year. A couple within a few weeks.

This is life and death. You may not have 6 weeks let alone 6 years. Time to get serious perhaps?

soupcon

Hi babyedwards. I was wondering what happened to you just the other day! Welcome back. Have you talked to your family yet?

Anna

I'm glad you're back and you will always find support here.

yinzer

Good on you for re committing, baby. Keep us posted.

babyedwards

Well it's day 2 here in the hood. Feeling better now that everyone is on the same page. Put my big girl pants on and take responsibility for my life.

Thanks everyone. Your words will stick with me.

MissOverIt

Good for you, girl! I love the attitude and our “big girl pants” are the way to go with this problem. Hang in there and as you know, it just gets better and better.

Erica

2muchpain

You didn't throw anything away. Those six months still count. I was talking with a guy today that quit smoking cigarettes. He said that in the three years he quit smoking, he did fall back when he was under stress and smoked. He said the important thing was to never give up and feel defeated. He said if you really want to change something, you gotta be determined to stay the course and not give up. He said if you want to change anything, you got to really want it bad and not allow setbacks to get in your way of reaching your goal. Great advice coming from someone that is probably less than half my age. Nice guy. John

orderfororder

I understand what you mean about how difficult it feels to start again after going so long and "throwing it away." But that's just a psychological hang up. Don't let it allow you to waste any more time. Just get back on the horse, always.

soupcon

How is it going now, babyedwards?