My dad is addicted to meth and living off parents
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 1
My dad is addicted to meth and living off parents
Hi, this is my first post and I'm not exactly sure what to write, but if you could offer advice or similar experiences, I would truly appreciate it.
I had a good childhood growing up with both of my parents and sister. I always felt closer to my dad, we had similar interests which involved a lot of outdoor activities.
Fast forward when I was about 20, my mom found lots of pill bottles hidden in different areas of the house with random doctors name on them. The pills were vicodin. Turns out my dad had been "doctor shopping" for years behind my mom's back and spending thousands of dollars over the years. This discovery ultimately lead to their divorce.
I would encourage him to quit the pills, which he would for a short while. He was always very hyper, unusually hyper when on the pills.
He had a pretty good job his whole life, which his father had gotten for him. But once living alone, things seemed to go down hill. He failed a random drug test at work and they gave him one more chance, warning him to not let it happen again. Several months later, another failed drug test and he was fired.
Now he lived alone in a house he rented with no job. He would continue to live there off of the money he received from the divorce.
I would visit from time to time and he was getting thinner in an extremely short amount of time. This worried me because he was always a healthy weight growing up.
He also had a new girlfriend who was my age. She lived in that house with him for a couple years.
Then the unusual behavior began. He would visit my grandma's house and go into the bathroom for 30 to 40 minutes. This would happen again and again. He was always wearing long-sleeved shirts, even in the blazing hot Texas summer heat.
Fast forward to last year, his girlfriend left him and he was evicted from his house. He got his parents to take out a loan of $5,000 so that he could buy a driving camper.
He had used up all of that divorce money, living jobless in the rent house for 5 years and his drug addiction. He had no where to go, so he's parked his camper in my grandma's front yard.
He's now been living in his camper which is still parked in my grandma's front yard, with a new girl who is 24 years old, he's now 57 years old.
The new girl admitted to my grandma that he is addicted to crystal meth. She is also addicted, a single mother who lost custody of her children and has no where to go.
It's been one year already, and my 80 year old grandma has been extremely stressed out. Things are constantly going missing and when she asks him, he denies it and gets extremely defensive. The camper is a huge eyesore and not only that, my dad has a truck, car, motorcycle, trailers, BBQ pits.. That's just to name a few, they take up all space in her front yard and back yard.
She wants him to leave, find somewhere else to park his camper and live. He said that he plans to live there as long as possible. My grandma contacted the city and they said she has to have him be evicted and then they can force him to leave.
I feel so conflicted with the situation. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, deep down I think he's embarrassed of what he has become. But I feel so sorry for my grandparents. This time of their life should be relaxation and retirement.
But if she gets him evicted, where will he go? He has no money and no place to go. She plans to do this in Friday, so I'm very nervous for what is to happen.
Has anyone else dealt with such a situation? A close family member addicted to crystal meth living of their elderly parents in what seems to be a lose-lose situation.
I had a good childhood growing up with both of my parents and sister. I always felt closer to my dad, we had similar interests which involved a lot of outdoor activities.
Fast forward when I was about 20, my mom found lots of pill bottles hidden in different areas of the house with random doctors name on them. The pills were vicodin. Turns out my dad had been "doctor shopping" for years behind my mom's back and spending thousands of dollars over the years. This discovery ultimately lead to their divorce.
I would encourage him to quit the pills, which he would for a short while. He was always very hyper, unusually hyper when on the pills.
He had a pretty good job his whole life, which his father had gotten for him. But once living alone, things seemed to go down hill. He failed a random drug test at work and they gave him one more chance, warning him to not let it happen again. Several months later, another failed drug test and he was fired.
Now he lived alone in a house he rented with no job. He would continue to live there off of the money he received from the divorce.
I would visit from time to time and he was getting thinner in an extremely short amount of time. This worried me because he was always a healthy weight growing up.
He also had a new girlfriend who was my age. She lived in that house with him for a couple years.
Then the unusual behavior began. He would visit my grandma's house and go into the bathroom for 30 to 40 minutes. This would happen again and again. He was always wearing long-sleeved shirts, even in the blazing hot Texas summer heat.
Fast forward to last year, his girlfriend left him and he was evicted from his house. He got his parents to take out a loan of $5,000 so that he could buy a driving camper.
He had used up all of that divorce money, living jobless in the rent house for 5 years and his drug addiction. He had no where to go, so he's parked his camper in my grandma's front yard.
He's now been living in his camper which is still parked in my grandma's front yard, with a new girl who is 24 years old, he's now 57 years old.
The new girl admitted to my grandma that he is addicted to crystal meth. She is also addicted, a single mother who lost custody of her children and has no where to go.
It's been one year already, and my 80 year old grandma has been extremely stressed out. Things are constantly going missing and when she asks him, he denies it and gets extremely defensive. The camper is a huge eyesore and not only that, my dad has a truck, car, motorcycle, trailers, BBQ pits.. That's just to name a few, they take up all space in her front yard and back yard.
She wants him to leave, find somewhere else to park his camper and live. He said that he plans to live there as long as possible. My grandma contacted the city and they said she has to have him be evicted and then they can force him to leave.
I feel so conflicted with the situation. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, deep down I think he's embarrassed of what he has become. But I feel so sorry for my grandparents. This time of their life should be relaxation and retirement.
But if she gets him evicted, where will he go? He has no money and no place to go. She plans to do this in Friday, so I'm very nervous for what is to happen.
Has anyone else dealt with such a situation? A close family member addicted to crystal meth living of their elderly parents in what seems to be a lose-lose situation.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome to SR, Pix, I am sorry for your situation and my prayers go out for you, your dad, and poor grandmother. My son is an adult addict too and after years and years of trying to save him, I had to make him leave too. He also stole from my husband and I, hid drugs in our home which put us in danger even thought we didn't know about it, and basically turned my home, my safe zone into a war zone.
If I had it to do over, I would have made him leave sooner and not done so much to "help" him because it only enabled him to have a soft place to fall and if I paid his bills that left his money free to buy drugs.
Addiction truly is a family disease.
I can't change your father, neither can you, dear. It is what it is and he had made his choices. There is help available when he is ready, the Salvation Army Recovery Program is free and a very good program, there are meetings every day of AA, NA, CA and they too can help him find a better path....but none of this will help until he is ready to be helped and that won't happen until he runs out of options for using.
Your grandmother is doing the right thing, to have him evicted. It may seem heartless but sometimes it takes more love to make our addicted children find a better path, than to continue enabling them on the path they are on. His "girlfriend" will most likely head to her next supplier when his money and living arrangements are not there to enable her too. He may fall further but that just may be what it takes to get him to reach out for help...from the people who can really help him, not relatives and loved ones like us.
What helped me and so many here was to find meetings to help us get our balance back and stop hurting so much worrying about our loved ones. CoDA was my home group, Al-anon and Nar-anon are similar fellowships that can help you too. The best gift you could ever give yourself is to find a meeting near you and go, and then go again until you get the hang of it. I promise you that you will be glad you did.
Again, welcome to SR. There is some good reading here on the Sticky threads at the top of this forum. And many more who will come along to welcome you too and let you know that you are no longer alone.
Hugs
If I had it to do over, I would have made him leave sooner and not done so much to "help" him because it only enabled him to have a soft place to fall and if I paid his bills that left his money free to buy drugs.
Addiction truly is a family disease.
I can't change your father, neither can you, dear. It is what it is and he had made his choices. There is help available when he is ready, the Salvation Army Recovery Program is free and a very good program, there are meetings every day of AA, NA, CA and they too can help him find a better path....but none of this will help until he is ready to be helped and that won't happen until he runs out of options for using.
Your grandmother is doing the right thing, to have him evicted. It may seem heartless but sometimes it takes more love to make our addicted children find a better path, than to continue enabling them on the path they are on. His "girlfriend" will most likely head to her next supplier when his money and living arrangements are not there to enable her too. He may fall further but that just may be what it takes to get him to reach out for help...from the people who can really help him, not relatives and loved ones like us.
What helped me and so many here was to find meetings to help us get our balance back and stop hurting so much worrying about our loved ones. CoDA was my home group, Al-anon and Nar-anon are similar fellowships that can help you too. The best gift you could ever give yourself is to find a meeting near you and go, and then go again until you get the hang of it. I promise you that you will be glad you did.
Again, welcome to SR. There is some good reading here on the Sticky threads at the top of this forum. And many more who will come along to welcome you too and let you know that you are no longer alone.
Hugs
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