Counter thoughts to the urge.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Counter thoughts to the urge.
Hello,
I have been trying to think of ways to counter the thoughts and discomfort that we feel when all we want is a drink, yet we deny ourselves.
When that urge comes on, all we have is our intellect to combat it. The urge is pure emotion, which is much more powerful than intellect. So naturally the first thing you have to do is make it hard physically to quench that urge. It'll buy time, you only need 20 minutes maximum for each urge wave to run through you. (more often ten minutes).
But while that wave is pushing you, it can be very uncomfortable.
I like to tell myself to harden up, it's only discomfort, you have gone through hundreds of days of crippling mental and physical hangover, and you are whinging about the discomfort you feel now. Get over it.
Also, sometimes I imagine the thoughts that the urge puts in my head are the same as any conman or manipulator in real life. If a person tried to sweet talk me into handing over $2000 so he can organise the best time of my life. No matter how charming he was, I would be at least suspicious, but more likely I would laugh in his face and tell him to F off....The urge talks in your mind like the conman, so tell it to F off!
Do you guys have any similar tactics against the urge? I need to expand my repertoire.
I have been trying to think of ways to counter the thoughts and discomfort that we feel when all we want is a drink, yet we deny ourselves.
When that urge comes on, all we have is our intellect to combat it. The urge is pure emotion, which is much more powerful than intellect. So naturally the first thing you have to do is make it hard physically to quench that urge. It'll buy time, you only need 20 minutes maximum for each urge wave to run through you. (more often ten minutes).
But while that wave is pushing you, it can be very uncomfortable.
I like to tell myself to harden up, it's only discomfort, you have gone through hundreds of days of crippling mental and physical hangover, and you are whinging about the discomfort you feel now. Get over it.
Also, sometimes I imagine the thoughts that the urge puts in my head are the same as any conman or manipulator in real life. If a person tried to sweet talk me into handing over $2000 so he can organise the best time of my life. No matter how charming he was, I would be at least suspicious, but more likely I would laugh in his face and tell him to F off....The urge talks in your mind like the conman, so tell it to F off!
Do you guys have any similar tactics against the urge? I need to expand my repertoire.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
The tactic I used in early days was that whenever I got a craving to drink, I would focus my attention on my dogs. Either walk them or just pay attention to them, pet them or give them treats. 
I found that distracted me from wanting to drink, and also was always a positive experience. Any interaction with my dogs always makes me happy.
I found that distracted me from wanting to drink, and also was always a positive experience. Any interaction with my dogs always makes me happy.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 93
This may not help you, or maybe it will.
I caved tonight.
Gave into the voice that always leads to nowhere. I drank way less than a typical night, but still drank and I am frustrated. I am also trying to see this as the reason I should not do this again. Where am i? Still in the same place, same emotions, nothing has changed except I am trying to guzzle water and put off any kind of morning after pain. I am happy that I have actually stopped myself and talked myself into not drinking more -it has helped that I have removed most alcohol from the house, so I don't have much choice as I don't live in a place where I can get booze readily. Small victories, but also defeat at the same time. This is hard.
I caved tonight.
Gave into the voice that always leads to nowhere. I drank way less than a typical night, but still drank and I am frustrated. I am also trying to see this as the reason I should not do this again. Where am i? Still in the same place, same emotions, nothing has changed except I am trying to guzzle water and put off any kind of morning after pain. I am happy that I have actually stopped myself and talked myself into not drinking more -it has helped that I have removed most alcohol from the house, so I don't have much choice as I don't live in a place where I can get booze readily. Small victories, but also defeat at the same time. This is hard.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Thanks Least,
I absolutely agree that getting outside is a brilliant way to distract yourself, it elevates your mood... the fresh air, the sun , the openness and the physical activity. You just have to force yourself out that door somehow... and pet dogs are a great motivator, as soon as you go near that leash, they will go crazy or guilt trip you into taking them outside
I absolutely agree that getting outside is a brilliant way to distract yourself, it elevates your mood... the fresh air, the sun , the openness and the physical activity. You just have to force yourself out that door somehow... and pet dogs are a great motivator, as soon as you go near that leash, they will go crazy or guilt trip you into taking them outside
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
NB, the dogs don't have to guilt trip me into walking them! It's my favorite thing to do. But yes, our walks are soothing to me. And I get a kick out of watching them just being dogs. I call it "checking their peemail". 
They usually send a peemail too.
But yes, our walks are soothing to me. And I get a kick out of watching them just being dogs. I call it "checking their peemail". They usually send a peemail too. 12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
My tactic was to have it removed, which happened for me very early in the AA program - working the first few steps.
I have to say when I was drinking I frequently chose not to drink on a particular day, being so sick in the mroning, yet somehow by evening I was at it again. It seems I changed my mind in spite of overwhelming evidence.
That's about it. It was so subtle that I didn't notice any urge really, I put up no fight at all, I just drank. Recognising an urge was not something I could do, and in the moments before the fatal first drink, there were no thoguhts at all that this might not be good for me. I never saw the fatal first drink coming. Other than having that subtle mind shift removed, I don't know of a defense that works. Maybe cut my arms off, or lock me up?
I have to say when I was drinking I frequently chose not to drink on a particular day, being so sick in the mroning, yet somehow by evening I was at it again. It seems I changed my mind in spite of overwhelming evidence.
That's about it. It was so subtle that I didn't notice any urge really, I put up no fight at all, I just drank. Recognising an urge was not something I could do, and in the moments before the fatal first drink, there were no thoguhts at all that this might not be good for me. I never saw the fatal first drink coming. Other than having that subtle mind shift removed, I don't know of a defense that works. Maybe cut my arms off, or lock me up?
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Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Gottalife,
That is interesting that you didn't get urges. Or didn't notice them.
I remind myself constantly that I am teetotal now. And so when the thoughts come, of how nice it would be to get drunk and do what I always do, I tell myself 'No!' Then these almost irresistable justifications to drink come into my mind. The 'urge'. We call it the AV (I think), but really they are my own thoughts, which makes it almost impossible to resist.
So atm, I use four main strategies:
1. Remove the easy access
2. White knuckle (the worst option)
3. Distractions
4. Changing the frame of mind (which might include urge surfing, mental distractions, running the tape through, telling myself to stop whining about the discomfort, that sort of thing)
And I am getting better at this day by day...touch wood.
That is interesting that you didn't get urges. Or didn't notice them.
I remind myself constantly that I am teetotal now. And so when the thoughts come, of how nice it would be to get drunk and do what I always do, I tell myself 'No!' Then these almost irresistable justifications to drink come into my mind. The 'urge'. We call it the AV (I think), but really they are my own thoughts, which makes it almost impossible to resist.
So atm, I use four main strategies:
1. Remove the easy access
2. White knuckle (the worst option)
3. Distractions
4. Changing the frame of mind (which might include urge surfing, mental distractions, running the tape through, telling myself to stop whining about the discomfort, that sort of thing)
And I am getting better at this day by day...touch wood.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The examples in the AA Big Book are mostly about a careless or thoughtless moment. The guy who had the sudden thought that a drop of whisky in his milk on a full stomach couldn't hurt, or the fellow that thought a cocktail would be nice after dinner, especially as he had been sober a while. Both had an extensive knowledge of alcoholism and how it affected them, yet nothing came to mind with sufficient force to save them. They were in that moment, without defence against the fatal first drink.
The only example I can think of where some sane thoughts occured was when Bill was broke in Akron, had been sober for six months and had been unable to find another drunk interested in his solution. He was in the hotel lobby, happy sounds coming from the bar opposite. He was tempted but instead decided to try some phone numbers he saw on a notice board to see if he could find a drunk to talk to. He tried all the numbers on the list, the last one resulting in him meeting Doctor Bob, and AA began from there.
The difference was that Bill had recovered by taking the Oxford Group steps, and when the problem in Akron arose, he reacted sanely, one of our tenth step promises. IME, anyone who thinks to call for help when in a tight spot is acting sanely, and will be unlikely to drink.
The earlier examples, like myself, were not acting sanely, the usual defences of the mind having become inoperative. Us insane types never call when we should because it doesn't come to mind.
The only example I can think of where some sane thoughts occured was when Bill was broke in Akron, had been sober for six months and had been unable to find another drunk interested in his solution. He was in the hotel lobby, happy sounds coming from the bar opposite. He was tempted but instead decided to try some phone numbers he saw on a notice board to see if he could find a drunk to talk to. He tried all the numbers on the list, the last one resulting in him meeting Doctor Bob, and AA began from there.
The difference was that Bill had recovered by taking the Oxford Group steps, and when the problem in Akron arose, he reacted sanely, one of our tenth step promises. IME, anyone who thinks to call for help when in a tight spot is acting sanely, and will be unlikely to drink.
The earlier examples, like myself, were not acting sanely, the usual defences of the mind having become inoperative. Us insane types never call when we should because it doesn't come to mind.
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
I removed myself from the world for 5 weeks, so that kinda took care of it. After that I treaded water until I could start IOP.
Basically I just observed the cravings and looked at them and where they went, while trying not to judge. I find that they usually just dissipate. Fighting cravings makes them worse for me.
Basically I just observed the cravings and looked at them and where they went, while trying not to judge. I find that they usually just dissipate. Fighting cravings makes them worse for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Hi Mindful,
Absolutely! fighting the urge makes it much worse.
For most of today, I have been using this site as a distraction from the urges and also as a reminder of my commitment.
The other thing that helps me is knowing that these cravings actually do only last about 10-15 minutes. 10-15 minutes of discomfort! I have timed these cravings myself, so I know that they are short lived (but frequent atm).
Changing the scenery for those ten minutes helps too. Getting outside or even just walking into another room. Maybe having a shower.
Still not easy, but I'm definitely starting to feel hope!
Absolutely! fighting the urge makes it much worse.
For most of today, I have been using this site as a distraction from the urges and also as a reminder of my commitment.
The other thing that helps me is knowing that these cravings actually do only last about 10-15 minutes. 10-15 minutes of discomfort! I have timed these cravings myself, so I know that they are short lived (but frequent atm).
Changing the scenery for those ten minutes helps too. Getting outside or even just walking into another room. Maybe having a shower.
Still not easy, but I'm definitely starting to feel hope!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,981
First is to understand it, commonly called the "AV" or addictive voice. It's like a child throwing a tantrum. It can cry all it wants but you are always in control to say NO.
Go for a walk or do other exercise for about a 1/2 hour. This has been proven to be effective.
Reach out. Call your sponsor if you have one, numbers from AA, or even post here.
Play the tape forward. Remember all that's going to happen if you give in is shame, regret, anxiety, a hangover, withdrawal, possibly end up in the hospital, etc,..
Go for a walk or do other exercise for about a 1/2 hour. This has been proven to be effective.
Reach out. Call your sponsor if you have one, numbers from AA, or even post here.
Play the tape forward. Remember all that's going to happen if you give in is shame, regret, anxiety, a hangover, withdrawal, possibly end up in the hospital, etc,..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 93
Oh yes, I know the mental games and tug of war I played with myself in my head. I have decided that having ANY booze in the house is bad idea as it is too tempting. I need to think back to the crappy night sleep I had, sweaty, weird dreams, up almost every hour. New day today....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 73
I was blessed with not having that many urges in the early days but when I did I played it forward. Not just to going back to the tedious drink-hangover-regret-cycle but all the way to losing my job, home, family and finally getting sick/dying. Which is the future that was awaiting me if I kept drinking - maybe a few years away but eventually. The anxiety and fear that awoke in me were stronger than any urges. Fear is unpleasant but has it can also help us sometimes if we use it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Australia
Posts: 55
Originally Posted by tonggau 
I was blessed with not having that many urges in the early days but when I did I played it forward. Not just to going back to the tedious drink-hangover-regret-cycle but all the way to losing my job, home, family and finally getting sick/dying. Which is the future that was awaiting me if I kept drinking - maybe a few years away but eventually. The anxiety and fear that awoke in me were stronger than any urges. Fear is unpleasant but has it can also help us sometimes if we use it.
Playing it forward that far ahead also reminds me about all the wasted potential and damage due to drinking in the past. It definitely gives you a slap in the face to help you refocus.
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Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Lakeside, Arizona
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by Dee74
Fighting the cravings just caused me more stress and yielded more cravings.
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