Day 2
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 119
Day 2
I was up most of the night wondering how I am going to navigate the following....so any ideas/support would be helpful. I need a plan. I can do this.
Friday afternoons, my co-workers or peers get together for drinks. I want to go, but don't want to explain why I am not drinking. These aren't close friends, so I don't feel comfortable sharing my issues with them. The next two of these are in kid-friendly spaces, so I could always take my kids and won't drive them in the car after drinking. Or, do I just own it? Or, do I avoid it? Or, do I just order a soda, and if they ask, make up some excuse?
I am feeling foggy from my last binge and still struggling with self-worth. I told my husband and kids yesterday that I am going to be sober. They are supportive (and relieved). I fear breaking that promise.
But...I quit smoking 222 days ago, cold turkey. I know this will be more difficult, but I feel I can do it. And it will become a new habit that I won't have to explain to co-workers and peers anymore. It is my life, and I will be sober.
I am so thankful I found this space.
Friday afternoons, my co-workers or peers get together for drinks. I want to go, but don't want to explain why I am not drinking. These aren't close friends, so I don't feel comfortable sharing my issues with them. The next two of these are in kid-friendly spaces, so I could always take my kids and won't drive them in the car after drinking. Or, do I just own it? Or, do I avoid it? Or, do I just order a soda, and if they ask, make up some excuse?
I am feeling foggy from my last binge and still struggling with self-worth. I told my husband and kids yesterday that I am going to be sober. They are supportive (and relieved). I fear breaking that promise.
But...I quit smoking 222 days ago, cold turkey. I know this will be more difficult, but I feel I can do it. And it will become a new habit that I won't have to explain to co-workers and peers anymore. It is my life, and I will be sober.
I am so thankful I found this space.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Congrats on day 2.
I had to avoid temptation in the earliest days of my recovery. You say they aren't close friends? Then it should be fairly easy to beg off going with "I've got other plans tonight,"
And actually have other plans. Sober plans.
Also, by not being comfortable about telling them why you aren't drinking, you are possibly leaving yourself open to drinking...after all, they don't know you've quit, so why not drink.
So my suggestion is to avoid the alcohol-centric events until you have gained more sober time.
Originally Posted by 3trees 
Friday afternoons, my co-workers or peers get together for drinks. I want to go, but don't want to explain why I am not drinking. These aren't close friends, so I don't feel comfortable sharing my issues with them.
And actually have other plans. Sober plans.
Also, by not being comfortable about telling them why you aren't drinking, you are possibly leaving yourself open to drinking...after all, they don't know you've quit, so why not drink.
So my suggestion is to avoid the alcohol-centric events until you have gained more sober time.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 325
I had to go to a long standing work related event where alcohol was present on day 4 of my sobriety. I had an exit plan and didn’t actually feel the need to explain why I was not drinking (and nobody asked).
I’m at 78 days now, I think I have told everyone now that I don’t drink, very close friends know my truth, others I have simply said ‘for health reasons’. It is confronting for some (mostly those who have their own issues with alcohol), but I would say most are supportive or actually not all that bothered either way. What I have noticed is how many other people around me don’t drink. I think because I felt such shame around my drinking I felt my stopping would be a big deal and draw a lot of attention, but that hasn’t been the case at all.
I’m at 78 days now, I think I have told everyone now that I don’t drink, very close friends know my truth, others I have simply said ‘for health reasons’. It is confronting for some (mostly those who have their own issues with alcohol), but I would say most are supportive or actually not all that bothered either way. What I have noticed is how many other people around me don’t drink. I think because I felt such shame around my drinking I felt my stopping would be a big deal and draw a lot of attention, but that hasn’t been the case at all.
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 119
at scottynz,
that is a relief to hear. i like what you said about the shame around your drinking rings true. it is likely that most people i see on a regular basis don't know that my identity is wrapped up in my drinking.
i have to figure out how to establish a new identity without alcohol (at least in my own mind)...i am relieved others don't really care either way. i guess if they do, then they aren't worth having in my life.
the one's who are most important are happy i am stopping. that is all that really matters.
that is a relief to hear. i like what you said about the shame around your drinking rings true. it is likely that most people i see on a regular basis don't know that my identity is wrapped up in my drinking.
i have to figure out how to establish a new identity without alcohol (at least in my own mind)...i am relieved others don't really care either way. i guess if they do, then they aren't worth having in my life.
the one's who are most important are happy i am stopping. that is all that really matters.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 674
My personal opinion is that in the very early days you can't hype the fact that you are committing to sobriety enough to yourself.
Put it at the top. Must do. Anything and everything else can wait. Obsess about it for a week or so ( or more... a little over a month and I'm thinking I want to put it at the center of my being to some degree). I think the energy of doing that can carry you through a lot of the first few days/ first week.
I think you'll find that at some point you'll cross a small but very important win and can keep building on momentum from there. But in the early days don't worry about that - just do what you have to.
So yea, bunker down, read here, post here, vent here. Treat yourself to some things - good movies, good music, good food. We are control freaks. Beware of that. Let the world do it's own spinning for a few days. All you have to do is stay clean for a bit and things will start coming together... often on their own.
You've made an awesome decision to give it up. I mean, really, what's the downside?
-B
Put it at the top. Must do. Anything and everything else can wait. Obsess about it for a week or so ( or more... a little over a month and I'm thinking I want to put it at the center of my being to some degree). I think the energy of doing that can carry you through a lot of the first few days/ first week.
I think you'll find that at some point you'll cross a small but very important win and can keep building on momentum from there. But in the early days don't worry about that - just do what you have to.
So yea, bunker down, read here, post here, vent here. Treat yourself to some things - good movies, good music, good food. We are control freaks. Beware of that. Let the world do it's own spinning for a few days. All you have to do is stay clean for a bit and things will start coming together... often on their own.
You've made an awesome decision to give it up. I mean, really, what's the downside?
-B
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Join Date: Apr 2018
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We are control freaks. Beware of that.
--This is so true. It is not a great trait to have, but if I am aware that I can't control everything, I can watch the world spin and enjoy the view. I don't have to spin out of control out of spite.
--This is so true. It is not a great trait to have, but if I am aware that I can't control everything, I can watch the world spin and enjoy the view. I don't have to spin out of control out of spite.
Say cheese!
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,379
Hi 3trees x
was nice to talk to u in chat yesterday evening and hey are u not on day 3 now?
should come and join us in the april daily thread, there is even more great people who is on the same road as us.
congrats on 222 days of giving up smoking x i am on my 11th week which i found was easy before i gave up the drink 10 days ago, so i stuck on a higher patch to help me through it.
have a great day x
was nice to talk to u in chat yesterday evening and hey are u not on day 3 now?
should come and join us in the april daily thread, there is even more great people who is on the same road as us.
congrats on 222 days of giving up smoking x i am on my 11th week which i found was easy before i gave up the drink 10 days ago, so i stuck on a higher patch to help me through it.
have a great day x
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: NYC/NJ
Posts: 431
That'd be pretty annoying to me if they scheduled co-worker get togethers on Fridays after work, and its expected you go or come up with an excuse each time, or fear being judged. I'm assuming you spend all week with these people? Friday at 5pm is just about the time I don't want to see any of them til Monday,
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 82
Yeah, just avoid those types of things in very early sobriety. I remember having a "scratchy throat" a few times in my first few months that made me unable to join my coworkers for a drink after work. Whatever it takes ...
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Originally Posted by ianmatthews
sorry to be a nuisance but how do I change my username ?
Thanks
Thanks
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Originally Posted by Erratic
Hi 3trees x
was nice to talk to u in chat yesterday evening and hey are u not on day 3 now?
should come and join us in the april daily thread, there is even more great people who is on the same road as us.
congrats on 222 days of giving up smoking x i am on my 11th week which i found was easy before i gave up the drink 10 days ago, so i stuck on a higher patch to help me through it.
have a great day x
was nice to talk to u in chat yesterday evening and hey are u not on day 3 now?
should come and join us in the april daily thread, there is even more great people who is on the same road as us.
congrats on 222 days of giving up smoking x i am on my 11th week which i found was easy before i gave up the drink 10 days ago, so i stuck on a higher patch to help me through it.
have a great day x
My motivation for not smoking was how much better I felt, how much less anxiety I had, the happiness of my kids and husband when I quit, and seeing the days add up made me feel in control of my health. These are all of the same reasons I am not going to drink again.
My resolve gets stronger every day. I am determined, but know that my "identity" as a drinker (and as a person) will change somewhat. That makes me excited and scared at the same time.
Have an awesome day, E!
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