firecat

I have been receiving late night drunken texts from my exbf since we broke up in early Feb. They typically involve statements of him missing me and how he was never what I needed etc. When he first moved out of my place and back in with his parents, he got a dui within 4 days of that transition. He has also continued to message some of my friends, again at night and black out drunk which I was finding embarrassing to say the least. The shock for me came yesterday, when his sister sent me a message saying that if I cared about her brother at all i would leave HIM alone. I realized then that he must be keeping the extent of his drinking a secret in their home. Additionally, he is 38 and completely protected from consequence by his family.
I posted this to ask if this is a fairly common situation? I guess his family is also in denial about his alcoholism so now the blame turns to me because i had to ask him to move out of my house and my life? How did I become the "bad guy" when I spent time energy and money taking care of him for the last year and a half?

atalose

You haven’t gotten him out of your life if you are still allowing him to continue sending you drunk text messages.

Have you been replying to his messages? Something the sister found or saw made her think you were still contacting him.

At this point does it really matter that his family is in denial, block all of them from contacting you and finally for real be done.

Alcoholics need enablers, family is perfect for that. The guy is 38 years old and back home with his enablers.

No new contact (from any of them) = no new hurts.

hearthealth

My in laws have turned on me also. They are in team ex and so easy to blame me so they can live in denial a little longer. They don't have to take ownership of enabling if they blame me.

It took me awhile to realize who my true friends were.

trailmix

I agree with atalose, stop contact completely, it's the only way to move forward and truly get him (and his family) out of your life.

Really it's not surprising that his family is on team A - is your family on team A or team firecat?

Now that fact that his family enables him or not is irrelevant at this point (not your problem), the fact that their family dynamic may be less than helpful - again, not your problem anymore (aren't you glad!).

SmallButMighty

I know it sucks to be labeled the "bad guy". It happens to a lot of us when we stop putting up with the antics of an addict. Both by them and by their other enablers. But like the others said... it doesn't have to be your problem.

You know your truth and it does not matter what ANYONE else says or thinks about that, try not to let their misconceptions affect you. Their thoughts are their problem, not yours, unless you allow them to be.

I also agree you should block all their numbers/social medias. There is no healthy reason for you to have to be still dealing with his drama when you are trying to heal yourself... it just prolongs an already painful process.

hugs