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Self loathing

Old 04-02-2018, 12:34 PM
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Self loathing

Yesterday I drank too much at my husband’s family Easter celebration. I am doing this too often and I don’t want his family to see me like that anymore.

I embarrassed myself, my three kids, and my husband. Even though no one said anything.... I feel overwhelming shame and anxiety.

My mom recently passed away and I missed her so much yesterday.

I’m so surprised I found this site and I’m hoping to recover from drinking too much. I would love to stop drinking completely.

I hate myself right now.
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Old 04-02-2018, 12:38 PM
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Welcome. You're in the right place.
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Old 04-02-2018, 12:50 PM
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Welcome to Sober Recovery.

Originally Posted by 3trees View Post
I would love to stop drinking completely.

I hate myself right now.
Shame and self-hate are great motivators, but a terrible long-term recovery strategy.

Hope you read around and see what has worked for people, then put together a plan to get and remain sober. But more importantly, to learn to live and love your sober life.
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Old 04-02-2018, 01:12 PM
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Hello 3trees.
I am always the one who drinks the most at any occassion and always regret it....shame, guilt, yadda yadda.
Tonight I am just 3 days alcohol free but feeling ok.
Why dont you give it a go. You have nothing to lose apart from all those self loathings.
C
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Old 04-02-2018, 01:49 PM
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I think starting here is a good first step for me to take. I always try and do things "on my own" and I am usually successful...but for some reason I always screw this up. Having support from others who feel the same is helpful.
Thanks for the advice.

Good job on the 3 days....
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:06 PM
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Welcome!
So glad you found us, 3trees. All of us can relate to your experience and feelings.

This is a great community, filled with compassionate people and a lot of hard-earned wisdom. I recommend you look around, read the "sticky" notes at the top of the forum and keep coming back every day.

Change is possible! You don't have to feel the way you did after that family event ever again. It is in your power to stop and create a better life for yourself and your family. Joining in here is what helped me turn the corner; you can too.

I've not had any alcohol since last May and life is so much better in every way. You have no idea how much alcohol contributes to and even CAUSES anxiety.

Here's my intro and story if you'd like to take a look: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rate-stop.html (Wine drinking woman, desperate to stop)
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:30 PM
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This is definitely the right place for you. While so many things in life can be conquered solely, this just doesn't seem to be one of them.

No reason to feel badly about overindulging and embarrassing yourself. We've all been there so many times. And if you feel badly about yourself now, then we'll need to feel badly about our transgressions, and we are no longer willing to do that - lol.

Welcome.
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:42 PM
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Originally Posted by 3trees View Post
I hate myself right now.
Do you hate everyone who drank too much this past weekend, or do you reserve that harsh judgment for yourself?

Have you considered that might be part of the problem?

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Old 04-02-2018, 02:47 PM
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Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
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Old 04-02-2018, 02:51 PM
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Welcome, 3trees. I well understand self-loathing and experienced it frequently when drinking. The good news is that you never have to feel that way again.
You have come to the right place for advice, help and encouragement. SR has been an enourmous help in my getting and staying sober. I hope you stick around, read, explore and interact with the wonderful, caring people here.
I wish you all the best.
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Old 04-02-2018, 03:58 PM
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Welcome 3trees
hate the addiction, not the addicted

This is a place of great understanding and support - I'm glad you found us

D
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Old 04-02-2018, 04:24 PM
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Nonsensical...yes. It is a huge part of the problem. Even after talking with my husband today, he said his family loves me...and maybe someday, I will allow myself to be loved. I guess it starts with me treating myself with some unconditional love.

I am so happy I found this space and this community. I am feeling much more hopeful than I was this morning.
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Old 04-02-2018, 04:50 PM
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With continuous sober time, those feelings of self loathing and shame will go away. It takes some time, and forgiving yourself, but things will get better.

One of my favorite things about living sober is that I wake up feeling good and not hating myself like I used to do.
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Old 04-02-2018, 05:26 PM
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Originally Posted by least View Post
With continuous sober time, those feelings of self loathing and shame will go away. It takes some time, and forgiving yourself, but things will get better.

One of my favorite things about living sober is that I wake up feeling good and not hating myself like I used to do.
^^^^^^^Exactly what Least said.
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Old 04-02-2018, 06:09 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about your Mom 3trees. I lost my in December. I know how you are feeling. Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to chat.
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Old 04-02-2018, 06:28 PM
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3trees - I'm so glad you joined us. This place has meant the world to me. My friends here helped me get free after a lifetime of drinking. I did the same thing - acted out-of-character & put myself in danger each time it was in my system. It was a relief to have it out of my life. You can do this.
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Old 04-02-2018, 08:04 PM
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I haven’t been embarrassed by my drinking in 8 years, for which I am very thankful.

Before that I had some embarrassing incidents, which I hope everyone has sort of forgot about.
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Old 04-03-2018, 01:13 AM
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Welcome 3Trees. Gah, that self-loathing and shame! Horrible stuff to wake up to. I remember it well. It's a lonely, cold and dark place.

That self-loathing and shame hung around for a bit when I stopped drinking as well, but I found that as time went by and I hadn't added any more fuel to the fire of self-hatred I became stronger in my resolve and was able to start making amends (with the support of an AA sponsor). There's still a few to make as there are some folk I may never see again. But if I DO see them, I'll be ready to make that amends. And even that willingness helps me to clear the wreckage and start to see and feel the sunlight.

I hope that you will do your self justice and stop the drjnking so you can learn to love yourself again, and find the happiness that your mum would want you to have.

God bless.

BB
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