lessgravity

Had a several beers a couple weeks ago.

Haven't had anything since.

Feeling the demons unrelated to booze - procrastination and self-sabotage - pushing and prodding me around since then.

Know I need to recommit.

For all my bluster and advice, the sauce called me back and I obliged.

So weird to check in again and see all the posters from February not active.

What a sick disease.

Stay strong everyone.

No one is coming to save me.

DarklingSong

Glad to see you back LessGravity.

Dee74

I'm glad to see you back less.

Its hard work changing our lives and our ways of dealing with things - thats why there will always be support here

I'm not so sure procrastination and self sabotage are unrelated.

If they're keeping you from recommitting wholly to recovery, they're part of the addiction arsenal and part of the problem?

D

time2shineagain

Welcome back LG. Good to see you posting. Glad to hear that your slip didn't turn into a relapse. ❤❤❤

ScottFromWI

Welcome back LG, I was wondering where you went. Maybe time to pull out all the stops this time? Or try something completely different?

Nonsensical

Flotsam floats. It bobs around on the waves until it washes up on some land mass that gets in its random path.

Schooners also float, but they have propulsion, steerage, and a navigator to take them on an intentional, purposeful course.

Are you floating like flotsam or a schooner?

Hawkeye13

That hubris thing again LG

We have our heel, like the mighty Achilles.

What have you added in to build your new life beyond just doing more
regular life with some perks without drinking?

What kind of deep work have you engaged in to wrestle out the taproot of pain
that fills its thirsty self on your precious life energy?

Until you get what's under your drinking, you won't get over it.

Anna

I'm glad to see you back, too.

Buckley3

Thanks for coming back.

I recommend AA. If it's an issue with the God thing don't worry about it. It's not all religious zealots. That said, I've come to believe we are spiritual creatures and ignoring our spiritual needs is foolish. This is coming from Mr. Rationality.

Our core issue with alcohol is spiritual rot. Perhaps worded a bit strongly, but it's what I believe. Notice I said spiritual, not religious.

Like any large organization they have their issues. But the core message directly addresses those things about un-treated alcoholism. that you point out - the procrastination, self-centeredness, hubris, etc. It's serious stuff.

Glad you came back. Brush it off. Rationalization is our second greatest impulse and it's scary how we can - in an instant - forget or act like none of the wreckage of our affiliation with booze ever happened.

entropy1964

Glad you are back LG. I was concerned about you after the wedding in New Orleans. Its good that it was only a few beers....although for me that can be enough to awaken the beast. You can do this if you want it badly enough.

Berrybean

So pleased that you made it back.

BB

lessgravity

Of course the support and thoughts from this place are always amazing to me.

I'm not drinking, haven't drank for 2 weeks. I'm not counting days again yet. I'm sure there are many reasons why but I just don't want to right now.

What's interesting, though perhaps not interesting at all, is that I had no problem not drinking at a New Orleans wedding, had no problem saying no at a work function where all my colleagues were boozed up - it was, of course, just a simple "yes" to a friend who was hosting a dinner and offered me a beer.

I know I hadn't steeled myself for the evening.

Complacency breeds failure.

Not beating myself up about it right now. I'm taking care of myself and family. I have enough work related procrastination stress to keep me awake at night.

Glad to be back. I'll be around.

Thank you all so much.

Berrybean

We don't trip over the mountains because we see those coming and prepare ourselves . It's the molehills that can catch us out.

BB

Snowydelrico

Glad to see you haven’t given up less’
It’s a rocky road this recovery business.

Took me about 8 goes to finally accept it was too big for me.

Chin up the beast just caught you napping that’s all.

ScottFromWI

That's the truth. I don't know what you were doing outside of SR for support but it's pretty clear that when you stopped engaging yourself here something was amiss. I would suggest that staying engaged is very important now, even if it does seem like things are too busy elsewhere to do so. I left SR more than once because I deemed other areas of my life more important and thought I had "figured it out".

joandmelandhan

lessgravity you're back hurrah!
Lesson learned yes? The teeny weeniest ***** in our armour is all it takes for that addiction to squirm it's way back in my experience. In fact I feel most vulnerable to it just after a situation which I consider high risk.
All inclusive holiday? Check! Had a brilliant plan and thoroughly enjoyed a sober holiday with my family. What happened when I got back? That effing voice started about how great I'd done and my reward was.......yep wine!
A sick disease indeed - with a warped sense of humour and all the patience in the world.
Great to see you back!

lessgravity

Just plain awesome to read the above.

I am committed to righting my ship. Been to 2 meetings since my last booze. Going tomorrow as well.

I'll stay around here more now. It does make the difference.

No question in my mind I can't go back to the way I was. The Fight is tiring at times and I think I let down my guard. Simple as that, as all of you know.

Not drinking today, not drinking tomorrow.

Thanks again everyone.

Dee74

good to see you back on board Less

D

Finalround

No one is coming to save me

Maybe not feeling you're in this completely alone would help. Seems there's lots of people here willing to help save you. I could heed some of this advise as well. Welcome back less. Keep working on it.

Buckley3

Awesomesauce.

Yea, I went inactive for a week or so and I'll be darned if I didn't start having really vivid dreams of various situations involving temptation to drink. All of them were rather innocent and innocuous... like, nothing major.

Years ago when I relapsed after no booze for 2 years it was a similar deal - out to dinner with my then gf, mother, brother and his wife. We were all having a good time - I was living fairly well and responsibly, etc. etc. Sure, I'll have a glass of wine.

Didn't hurt a bit at the time.

They say in AA the last 3 steps are what keeps us sober. I'm a newb so I don't know jack yet but I think those 3 steps have to do with maintaining a fellowship and giving back to those who share this reaction to booze we have. I was just thinking today that keeping my recovery at my center of gravity is going to be very important.

Anyway, I ramble. Great to see you around.

-B