I’ve admitted my life Is unmanageable and I am powerless over alcohol…
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 8
I’ve admitted my life Is unmanageable and I am powerless over alcohol…
Hello. I have wrote a couple of times on here and I’m trying to get in the habit of doing more of it. I got out of rehab the end of December. I felt really gung ho, was going to go to the meetings , get a sponsor, possibly be of service...you know, all the things you are supposed to do.
I didn’t figure Pot was a problem so began smoking it again as soon as I got out, thinking that would be no big deal. (wanted some sort of ahhh moment) So every day for the past month and a half I’d smoke enough pot to have a light buzz. Like alcohol (I realized), it started off okay but then I stopped enjoying the buzz and did it more out of the habit and something to do. I didn’t want to go to meetings because I smoked pot, didn’t want to do any of the newfound projects that I rediscovered. Lost my gung ho ness and ended up relapsing around February 22.
It took a few more weeks of smoking pot and still being miserable to make me realize that the addiction really doesn’t care what drug I use to numb myself..it just wants something.. my lungs had had enough of smoking pot, I got to the point where I was down on my knees coughing every time I took a bong hit. Then one night I passed out because of the lack of air. That was the last time i smoked it.
So even though alcohol is my DOC, I realized that anything can feel that space.
So with all that. I finally made a commitment to myself to go to AA meetings three times a week and now I’ve upped it to a fourth one, a book study. I do love the meetings, I feel like I’m with my people :-) still working on the sponsor, haven’t really started the steps either. But I am a work in progress. And like everybody I know that’s going through this, we never start off doing what we’re told anyway.
So even though I thought I did the first step when I decided to go to rehab, I was just getting started. I would say that I honestly started the first step on February 24th of this year. I went to the meeting and got my welcome chip, and March 24 I got my 30 day chip.
I’m even thinking ahhh when I have my afternoon coffee (instead of my afternoon beer
) )
Thanks
I didn’t figure Pot was a problem so began smoking it again as soon as I got out, thinking that would be no big deal. (wanted some sort of ahhh moment) So every day for the past month and a half I’d smoke enough pot to have a light buzz. Like alcohol (I realized), it started off okay but then I stopped enjoying the buzz and did it more out of the habit and something to do. I didn’t want to go to meetings because I smoked pot, didn’t want to do any of the newfound projects that I rediscovered. Lost my gung ho ness and ended up relapsing around February 22.
It took a few more weeks of smoking pot and still being miserable to make me realize that the addiction really doesn’t care what drug I use to numb myself..it just wants something.. my lungs had had enough of smoking pot, I got to the point where I was down on my knees coughing every time I took a bong hit. Then one night I passed out because of the lack of air. That was the last time i smoked it.
So even though alcohol is my DOC, I realized that anything can feel that space.
So with all that. I finally made a commitment to myself to go to AA meetings three times a week and now I’ve upped it to a fourth one, a book study. I do love the meetings, I feel like I’m with my people :-) still working on the sponsor, haven’t really started the steps either. But I am a work in progress. And like everybody I know that’s going through this, we never start off doing what we’re told anyway.
So even though I thought I did the first step when I decided to go to rehab, I was just getting started. I would say that I honestly started the first step on February 24th of this year. I went to the meeting and got my welcome chip, and March 24 I got my 30 day chip.
I’m even thinking ahhh when I have my afternoon coffee (instead of my afternoon beer
) ) Thanks
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Great news.
Hopefully with all those meeting you'll soon suss out who has the kind of sobriety and recovery that you'd like for yourself, and find the willingness to ask them to help you (the asking was the tough bit for me).
Keep it going.
BB
Hopefully with all those meeting you'll soon suss out who has the kind of sobriety and recovery that you'd like for yourself, and find the willingness to ask them to help you (the asking was the tough bit for me).
Keep it going.
BB
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Hi Kristin, glad you made it back. One time I fell into the same trap with the hooch, but I didn't manage to keep it up as long as you before I was back on my drug of no choice, alcohol. Just a few seconds in fact.
That first step is pretty deep. I think I started work on mine the day of my first drink. It took me all the way till my last drink to learn what it really means to be alcoholic. It is great you have a big book study meeting in your plan as it will be well covered there.
My step one meant that I understood what happens to me when I drink, and also when I don't drink. When I drank, I nearly always lost control. We call that the phenomenon of craving. Once I got started, I was powerless to stop.
But the powerlessness didn't stop there. If it did, all I would need to do would be to not drink, and I wouldn't need any of the other stuff. I stopped many times, but then somehow, in the most casual way, I would start again. I made firm decisions to stop, yet at certain times I couldn't bring the reasons into my my with sufficient force to stop me. I thought I could get away with a drink or two this time, even though there was overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
So I have this abnormal reaction of the body coupled with this obsession of the mind which together make up a terminal, progressive illness.
What happens when I don't drink (and do nothing or just go to meetings) is I don't get on well in the world. Externally my world gets a little better, but internally I become increasingly uncomfortable. Restless, irritable and discontent. Alcohol was always my solution to this, so, if I didn't find another solution, I was in serious trouble.
The only solution that would work for me was to find a better way of living so that alcohol wasn't needed anymore. That's what I found. The spiritual path I have been shown in AA does everything and more that the alcohol used to do when it was working.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
That first step is pretty deep. I think I started work on mine the day of my first drink. It took me all the way till my last drink to learn what it really means to be alcoholic. It is great you have a big book study meeting in your plan as it will be well covered there.
My step one meant that I understood what happens to me when I drink, and also when I don't drink. When I drank, I nearly always lost control. We call that the phenomenon of craving. Once I got started, I was powerless to stop.
But the powerlessness didn't stop there. If it did, all I would need to do would be to not drink, and I wouldn't need any of the other stuff. I stopped many times, but then somehow, in the most casual way, I would start again. I made firm decisions to stop, yet at certain times I couldn't bring the reasons into my my with sufficient force to stop me. I thought I could get away with a drink or two this time, even though there was overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
So I have this abnormal reaction of the body coupled with this obsession of the mind which together make up a terminal, progressive illness.
What happens when I don't drink (and do nothing or just go to meetings) is I don't get on well in the world. Externally my world gets a little better, but internally I become increasingly uncomfortable. Restless, irritable and discontent. Alcohol was always my solution to this, so, if I didn't find another solution, I was in serious trouble.
The only solution that would work for me was to find a better way of living so that alcohol wasn't needed anymore. That's what I found. The spiritual path I have been shown in AA does everything and more that the alcohol used to do when it was working.
I wish you all the best on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 3,163
Brave post and great replies.
I think Mike nailed it on the head.
To be clear, I have never been to AA or done the steps, but I have done the work to get to a place where I have admitted I am addicted to alcohol and my defects of character and asked the universe to help me, and trust the universe that if I do my part, it will do its.
My part -- to do the next right thing with love. You see, I believe that God is love literally. The love within us, god, when we act with love, god. When we act with fear, not god.
And if I do that -- peace, happiness, love.
When I don't, anger, fear, unhappiness.
So that is the way I see it.
This is why I think if you are doing AA, working the steps is the key.
The universe does have your back, its just realising that and trusting that that we need to learn.
Here is to learning and loving, which for us can only be done sober!
I think Mike nailed it on the head.
To be clear, I have never been to AA or done the steps, but I have done the work to get to a place where I have admitted I am addicted to alcohol and my defects of character and asked the universe to help me, and trust the universe that if I do my part, it will do its.
My part -- to do the next right thing with love. You see, I believe that God is love literally. The love within us, god, when we act with love, god. When we act with fear, not god.
And if I do that -- peace, happiness, love.
When I don't, anger, fear, unhappiness.
So that is the way I see it.
This is why I think if you are doing AA, working the steps is the key.
The universe does have your back, its just realising that and trusting that that we need to learn.
Here is to learning and loving, which for us can only be done sober!
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