Never getting anywhere
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Never getting anywhere
Today I obtained copy of police report regarding my child testing positive for methamphetamine. I am still reeling.
It started off so well. Mother presented child's positive drug test, as well as 3 positive drug tests for father.
Next page: The charges.
FELONY CHILD ENDANGERMENT. He was being charged with felony child endangerment! And 2 counts of violating court order, and 3 counts of contempt of court.
I hadn't even realized he was being charged with anything.
Then came detective dingbat to ruin everything.
"I called F and had him come meet me at the police station."
Wha-wha-what? He told me he went to his house! So not only was the house not searched, they never even went to it?
"F explained that Hecho is manipulative and that the child actually started acting funny while in her care. He believes she may have put the drugs in child's hair."
SUCH BS! Hair follicle samples are washed before testing.
"F also explained that Hecho wants to move out of the area but can't do so until she gets full custody. Hecho is friends with drug testing facility owner."
Oh, because F said this? I don't even know the owner, and HELLO there was another facility he tested positive at!
"F was able to present negative drug tests (those f###ing VA drug tests have caused me so much trouble! They are NOT witness collected, but he uses them as proof of sobriety ALL THE TIME). F has nothing further to add at this time."
Well, la-ti-dah. Case closed!
I'm so angry. I'm so mad he was never charged. I'm so mad I never pressed forward with the restraining order (my lawyer said this wasn't necessary, because the judge ordered no contact, but HELLO the restraining order could have been for years, and the no contact was only for a few months.) Oh my goodness I am so frustrated by people who can't do their jobs properly. Law enforcement,lawyers, judges, that idiot "drug addiction expert" who rated my ex 0 risk for substance abuse based on an effing questionnaire.
Oh, God help me. This man is so dangerous. He is really able to convince anyone of anything. I am so afraid. I just want to be free of him forever, and I'm so mad because I was sooooo close.
It started off so well. Mother presented child's positive drug test, as well as 3 positive drug tests for father.
Next page: The charges.
FELONY CHILD ENDANGERMENT. He was being charged with felony child endangerment! And 2 counts of violating court order, and 3 counts of contempt of court.
I hadn't even realized he was being charged with anything.
Then came detective dingbat to ruin everything.
"I called F and had him come meet me at the police station."
Wha-wha-what? He told me he went to his house! So not only was the house not searched, they never even went to it?
"F explained that Hecho is manipulative and that the child actually started acting funny while in her care. He believes she may have put the drugs in child's hair."
SUCH BS! Hair follicle samples are washed before testing.
"F also explained that Hecho wants to move out of the area but can't do so until she gets full custody. Hecho is friends with drug testing facility owner."
Oh, because F said this? I don't even know the owner, and HELLO there was another facility he tested positive at!
"F was able to present negative drug tests (those f###ing VA drug tests have caused me so much trouble! They are NOT witness collected, but he uses them as proof of sobriety ALL THE TIME). F has nothing further to add at this time."
Well, la-ti-dah. Case closed!
I'm so angry. I'm so mad he was never charged. I'm so mad I never pressed forward with the restraining order (my lawyer said this wasn't necessary, because the judge ordered no contact, but HELLO the restraining order could have been for years, and the no contact was only for a few months.) Oh my goodness I am so frustrated by people who can't do their jobs properly. Law enforcement,lawyers, judges, that idiot "drug addiction expert" who rated my ex 0 risk for substance abuse based on an effing questionnaire.
Oh, God help me. This man is so dangerous. He is really able to convince anyone of anything. I am so afraid. I just want to be free of him forever, and I'm so mad because I was sooooo close.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I am so sorry and so furious that this nightmare continues for your family.
Did nothing ever come of talking to the media?
There just has to be something else that can be done but for the life of me I can't figure out what. You have done everything humanly (legally) possible and for some godforsaken reason law enforcement is blind to his shenanigans ... W_T_F ???
This is such a ridiculous situation... what a broken system we have to live with. Infuriating.
hugs!
Did nothing ever come of talking to the media?
There just has to be something else that can be done but for the life of me I can't figure out what. You have done everything humanly (legally) possible and for some godforsaken reason law enforcement is blind to his shenanigans ... W_T_F ???
This is such a ridiculous situation... what a broken system we have to live with. Infuriating.
hugs!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I hope you are documenting all this, with copies of police reports as well.
You need to find a women's advocate, call a woman's shelter or call your state government to find out who that might be.
You don't have to fight this alone, please reach out to the people whose job it is to help people like you.
If you don't, it will continue and may not end well.
good luck
You need to find a women's advocate, call a woman's shelter or call your state government to find out who that might be.
You don't have to fight this alone, please reach out to the people whose job it is to help people like you.
If you don't, it will continue and may not end well.
good luck
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so sorry friend. I encourage you to be very calm, and call and speak to the supervisor of said detective. Move up the chain, very, very calmly.
I have a relative who is high up in law enforcement. They reopen cases on a regular basis.
I send you huge hugs and encouragement!
I have a relative who is high up in law enforcement. They reopen cases on a regular basis.
I send you huge hugs and encouragement!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
I agree with hopeful ... very calmly start moving up the ladder following up with all of your documentation that prove otherwise. You can bet your bottom dollar you can expect him to lie every single time to save his own neck. Hugs to you .... Any luck with the media? You might even be able to get an appointment with the district attorney that would process this case if it were re-opened and have a chance to disprove what the detective wrote in the report and see if they can do anything for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
I sent a complaint to the chief of police. They gave me a different email address for the person in charge of that detective. Sent that person an email, no response. The DA's office said they won't reopen a case- I would have to refile everything all over again. My mom is scared of me doing that- she says the more I push these things, the worse they get. None of the media outlets have responded- I wouldn't be surprised if they think I'm making this all up. It does all seem so crazy. It's almost like my ex makes things so convoluted on purpose, so when I tell the truth it's so outrageous they'd rather just believe his simple story of "she's out to get me".
I just had ex take a hair follicle a few days ago. He had 24 FREAKING HOURS to get there (the testing facility couldn't believe this, as most people only get 4) and he didn't get there on time. He called to let them know he'd be late, and they allowed it. Guess he needed more time to pour carpet cleaner and lye all over his hair. I pray that he won't be able to fake this test. I know he's not clean, but if the results say he is then that will weigh in his favor substantially. And he'll get unsupervised visits. Wow. I just can't even fathom the thought. Once again, he'll have experts on his side if I contest this. There's plenty of research out there that proves hair follicle drug tests can be faked, but do the experts know this? No. They are supposedly "unbeatable".
I just had ex take a hair follicle a few days ago. He had 24 FREAKING HOURS to get there (the testing facility couldn't believe this, as most people only get 4) and he didn't get there on time. He called to let them know he'd be late, and they allowed it. Guess he needed more time to pour carpet cleaner and lye all over his hair. I pray that he won't be able to fake this test. I know he's not clean, but if the results say he is then that will weigh in his favor substantially. And he'll get unsupervised visits. Wow. I just can't even fathom the thought. Once again, he'll have experts on his side if I contest this. There's plenty of research out there that proves hair follicle drug tests can be faked, but do the experts know this? No. They are supposedly "unbeatable".
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
An acquaintance of mine used to be a prosecutor. He would tear his hair out every time a certain narcotics detective would testify on the stand. The guy was such a bumbling idiot that half of his testimony was spent explaining how he accidentally walked all over the evidence at a crime scene.
I am not a journalist, BUT I can say based on experience that the press is more likely to pick up the story if your story is part of a general pattern - does this judge have a habit of handling cases in a similar way? Does this detective have a good reputation with the DAs office, or do they groan when they see his name on a case? If there is a fault in the system, not "just" one case, then a news organization is more likely to dedicate resources and staff at a story. You have to keep in mind that many news orgs are operating on a shoestring budget - if they work on your story, they are also making the decision NOT to work on other stories.
Speaking from experience, it's not enough to send a letter to the editor or the editorial desk. You're much better off targeting a specific journalist that covers court/police procedures as part of their beat. Twitter is a great tool, because so many journalists use that to tweet their stories out and to keep an ear on what's going on in the general public.
Have you gotten in touch with other organziations, possibly DV/Legal Aid/ or one that does direct child advocacy, to see what their take on it is? They could also help in detecting "patterns". If you're not the first person to complain about a judge, they would most likely know.
This work is not easy. Pitching stories to the media often takes multiple tries with multiple tactics. Feel free to PM me if you have any further questions.
I am not a journalist, BUT I can say based on experience that the press is more likely to pick up the story if your story is part of a general pattern - does this judge have a habit of handling cases in a similar way? Does this detective have a good reputation with the DAs office, or do they groan when they see his name on a case? If there is a fault in the system, not "just" one case, then a news organization is more likely to dedicate resources and staff at a story. You have to keep in mind that many news orgs are operating on a shoestring budget - if they work on your story, they are also making the decision NOT to work on other stories.
Speaking from experience, it's not enough to send a letter to the editor or the editorial desk. You're much better off targeting a specific journalist that covers court/police procedures as part of their beat. Twitter is a great tool, because so many journalists use that to tweet their stories out and to keep an ear on what's going on in the general public.
Have you gotten in touch with other organziations, possibly DV/Legal Aid/ or one that does direct child advocacy, to see what their take on it is? They could also help in detecting "patterns". If you're not the first person to complain about a judge, they would most likely know.
This work is not easy. Pitching stories to the media often takes multiple tries with multiple tactics. Feel free to PM me if you have any further questions.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Some positive unfoldings, starting with a positive drug test! I was so scared that he had found a way to fake them, but apparently he still hasn't. He's just made his hair look very funny for nothing.
Also, he was supposed to submit a brief to the judge as to why my actions constitute abuse. He failed to meet deadline.
ALSO, he was supposed to file and serve me with restraining order petition and evidence. He failed to meet that deadline, too.
So why we're still going forward with the court date next week I don't know. I'm guessing he'll be asking for more time. It just doesn't seem like him to back down. But I'm hoping.
Also, he was supposed to submit a brief to the judge as to why my actions constitute abuse. He failed to meet deadline.
ALSO, he was supposed to file and serve me with restraining order petition and evidence. He failed to meet that deadline, too.
So why we're still going forward with the court date next week I don't know. I'm guessing he'll be asking for more time. It just doesn't seem like him to back down. But I'm hoping.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
More good news!
I received a request for dismissal from his attorney, but I still couldn't bring myself to believe they really would. Then today I got the news- off the calendar! It was dismissed. The clerk wasn't able to tell me whether it was with or without prejudice. If with prejudice, he cannot file on the same matter again. If with, then he can. But for now it's over with.
Still, I can't bring myself to calm down completely. I really wish I could. I ran into him today and his hair is so light and weird. And there are several strange bald spots- it's just obvious it's fallen out in clumps because of all the processes he's been doing to clean it. I just pray these hair follicle tests really are as good as they claim. So far he's been unable to beat them, but I'm so scared.
God, please let this be over soon. I just want so badly to live a normal life.
I received a request for dismissal from his attorney, but I still couldn't bring myself to believe they really would. Then today I got the news- off the calendar! It was dismissed. The clerk wasn't able to tell me whether it was with or without prejudice. If with prejudice, he cannot file on the same matter again. If with, then he can. But for now it's over with.
Still, I can't bring myself to calm down completely. I really wish I could. I ran into him today and his hair is so light and weird. And there are several strange bald spots- it's just obvious it's fallen out in clumps because of all the processes he's been doing to clean it. I just pray these hair follicle tests really are as good as they claim. So far he's been unable to beat them, but I'm so scared.
God, please let this be over soon. I just want so badly to live a normal life.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That is great news!
I can just imagine him walking into court w/hair like that. I cannot imagine he could convince anyone he is not trying to clean it. I mean, no one is going to make their hair look like that on purpose!!!
So glad for you and your children!
I can just imagine him walking into court w/hair like that. I cannot imagine he could convince anyone he is not trying to clean it. I mean, no one is going to make their hair look like that on purpose!!!
So glad for you and your children!
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