Help, wife is coming home from week long detox in two days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 12
Help, wife is coming home from week long detox in two days
She admitted herself last friday night after a relapse using coke and pills. She has been using mostly pills for the last 4 months but in the last few weeks was heavily using coke.
She didnt come home from work last friday and i guess she hit her bottom that night and called a local facility and checked herself in and has been detoxing since then.
They have very strict rules during detox so i haven't seen her only can talk on the phone once a day. They took her phone and everything she walked in with.
She had a real rough first three days with physical withdrawal. That is over now and she is just starting to experience paws. She is nervous to be leaving but our insurance only covers the week.
She is going to get in to outpatient counseling as soon as she is out and has agreed to go to an NA meeting and hopefully find a sponsor.
What else can I do to help and support her other than this? I must admit the trust between us has been severely broken. She wasted so much of our savings. I had to move all our money to an account she has no access to. She opened a secret bank account and was transferring money. She also got a second phone number i had no knowledge of.
I want to help her beat this but i know she has to want to do it and I have to take care of myself.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank You.
She didnt come home from work last friday and i guess she hit her bottom that night and called a local facility and checked herself in and has been detoxing since then.
They have very strict rules during detox so i haven't seen her only can talk on the phone once a day. They took her phone and everything she walked in with.
She had a real rough first three days with physical withdrawal. That is over now and she is just starting to experience paws. She is nervous to be leaving but our insurance only covers the week.
She is going to get in to outpatient counseling as soon as she is out and has agreed to go to an NA meeting and hopefully find a sponsor.
What else can I do to help and support her other than this? I must admit the trust between us has been severely broken. She wasted so much of our savings. I had to move all our money to an account she has no access to. She opened a secret bank account and was transferring money. She also got a second phone number i had no knowledge of.
I want to help her beat this but i know she has to want to do it and I have to take care of myself.
Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank You.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by ChloeRose63 
Are you planning on going to any meetings for support?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
Hi Bri, what you describes sounds miserable but I am glad you found SR. What about NarAnon or Alanon for face to face meetings for you? There is also a program called Celebrate Recovery that I have heard great things about. The book "Co-Dependent No More" was also very insightful to me, you might find it useful.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
You need to go to separate meetings. Your meetings will help you (not her) to become a stronger wiser person for yourself. You will need to focus on setting the limits of what behaviors you will accept in your home/relationship and the consequences of them being broken. If she returns to her old addiction habits what are you going to do? She must know that you no longer enable her or tolerate any substance abuse. You will learn alot by going to NarAnon. You will find others in you position and you will need the support to remain strong.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Can you look to see if there are any inpatient facilities she may have access to since she has done detox? A week of detox is definitely no the same as treatment.
If not, it sounds like she has a plan, which is good.
I don't know your faith base, but you guys may want to try out Celebrate Recovery. You start together in large group then separate into small groups according to gender and issue. Men w/men. Women w/women. There are small groups for chemical dependency, and small groups for codependency. This way you would both have a small group. Just a thought as it's a lot like Alanon/Naranon but with more of a faith base.
Good luck to you and your wife!
If not, it sounds like she has a plan, which is good.
I don't know your faith base, but you guys may want to try out Celebrate Recovery. You start together in large group then separate into small groups according to gender and issue. Men w/men. Women w/women. There are small groups for chemical dependency, and small groups for codependency. This way you would both have a small group. Just a thought as it's a lot like Alanon/Naranon but with more of a faith base.
Good luck to you and your wife!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Can you look to see if there are any inpatient facilities she may have access to since she has done detox? A week of detox is definitely no the same as treatment.
If not, it sounds like she has a plan, which is good.
I don't know your faith base, but you guys may want to try out Celebrate Recovery. You start together in large group then separate into small groups according to gender and issue. Men w/men. Women w/women. There are small groups for chemical dependency, and small groups for codependency. This way you would both have a small group. Just a thought as it's a lot like Alanon/Naranon but with more of a faith base.
Good luck to you and your wife!
If not, it sounds like she has a plan, which is good.
I don't know your faith base, but you guys may want to try out Celebrate Recovery. You start together in large group then separate into small groups according to gender and issue. Men w/men. Women w/women. There are small groups for chemical dependency, and small groups for codependency. This way you would both have a small group. Just a thought as it's a lot like Alanon/Naranon but with more of a faith base.
Good luck to you and your wife!
Good luck and remember the ONLY way to help her is to find help for yourself!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 393
brijames,
You and your wife are at the very beginning of your long and sometimes bumpy journeys.
To help you a bit, you can see an older post titled " Rehab vs Detox", it is currently residing on page 3 of this forums archives. You may already understand the points made in this post.
You mention that your wife is already set up with some sort of counseling program - this is good, and a step in the right direction for her.
Hopefully a good IOP. She admitted to herself to detox that she had problem and that is also a positive sign.
Attending NA meetings with her may have mixed results. On the positive side, your presence shows your support for her and her recovery. The negative side is that your presence may inhibit her in her own sharing and self exploration.
Assuming that she is going to multiple meetings each week, my unprofessional opinion says that you should not attend more than one of those meetings with her - the other meetings for the week should be "her's" alone.
As others have mentioned, you need to focus on yourself - you can recover before she does! I am biased due to my personal experience, however, I highly recommend Nar-Anon, it worked wonders for my wife and myself. Others have had success with CoDependents Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery or Al-Anon (some groups welcome friends and loved ones of drug addicts) - you need to find a group which fits your disposition.
You should be aware that NA and Nar-Anon are both 12 step programs. As such, the meetings can be very intense, emotional experiences, with anonymous members occasionally sharing intimate details of their lives which perhaps even their spouses don't know.
Go to Nar-Anon Family Groups and click on "Find a Meeting"
In my area, there is one location which conducts a NA AND a Nar-Anon meeting at the same time, in different rooms of the same building. Maybe there is one near you also.
Keep coming back,
Jim
You and your wife are at the very beginning of your long and sometimes bumpy journeys.
To help you a bit, you can see an older post titled " Rehab vs Detox", it is currently residing on page 3 of this forums archives. You may already understand the points made in this post.
You mention that your wife is already set up with some sort of counseling program - this is good, and a step in the right direction for her.
Hopefully a good IOP. She admitted to herself to detox that she had problem and that is also a positive sign.
Attending NA meetings with her may have mixed results. On the positive side, your presence shows your support for her and her recovery. The negative side is that your presence may inhibit her in her own sharing and self exploration.
Assuming that she is going to multiple meetings each week, my unprofessional opinion says that you should not attend more than one of those meetings with her - the other meetings for the week should be "her's" alone.
As others have mentioned, you need to focus on yourself - you can recover before she does! I am biased due to my personal experience, however, I highly recommend Nar-Anon, it worked wonders for my wife and myself. Others have had success with CoDependents Anonymous, Celebrate Recovery or Al-Anon (some groups welcome friends and loved ones of drug addicts) - you need to find a group which fits your disposition.
You should be aware that NA and Nar-Anon are both 12 step programs. As such, the meetings can be very intense, emotional experiences, with anonymous members occasionally sharing intimate details of their lives which perhaps even their spouses don't know.
Go to Nar-Anon Family Groups and click on "Find a Meeting"
In my area, there is one location which conducts a NA AND a Nar-Anon meeting at the same time, in different rooms of the same building. Maybe there is one near you also.
Keep coming back,
Jim
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 219
Originally Posted by hopeful4
Can you look to see if there are any inpatient facilities she may have access to since she has done detox? A week of detox is definitely no the same as treatment.
See what you and you wife can get into. It will be a rough journey for both of you. Best wishes.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
