xxxNICHOLExxx

Soooo idk where to start..... back in the day I would blackout and wake next day sick now I can blackout and wake up feeling normal in 3-4 hours drink more blackout and wake up again in a couple hours... Im starting to think I’m getting used to blackouts!! Not sure if that’s possible but I know it’s not normal and sure in the heck can’t be healthy!!! I’ve tried and tried to get on the sobriety road but always fall off the first hill or bump my life is depending on this and I’m still having trouble changing what’s wrong with me....how many close calls, ER trips, “rock bottoms” will I have to have before there is change!!!! I hate drinking/using there isn’t a life being anchored down to addiction is basically drowning in your own destruction and I want freedom I want my own voice my AV does enough talking and it’s time for it to take the back seat!!! I find it odd in the middle of the night like it’s 3:30am here and I’m in the mood to fight and be sober after it’s fix which let me add I’m sober right now but wasn’t earlier but afternoon and evening comes I’m self destructive again then blackout wake up wanting to be sober and fight.... really confusing and mentally and physically draining.... I wish I could step back and see my life as others do and see my addiction as others do I need to see that big picture and a finale wake up call sometimes I think addiction blinds you into smoke and mirrors!!!!!

Nonsensical

It was terrifying for me when I discovered the only person preventing me from doing this was me.

It was also the day I knew I had the power to change it.

You can do this.

ozm8ey

Should really get control of the blackouts before something bad happens. I had a blackout a few years ago while walking down to the shop while drunk then i blacked out and woke up in agony pain. Ended up have an ankle operation.

xxxNICHOLExxx

Only way to control a blackout for me is not to drink at all which I’m truly trying but I literally feel like I can’t it’s like I can come up with 100 reasons but I do know it doesn’t help at all!!!! My first couple days sober are me being sick off withdrawals

yinzer

Nichole, your first couple days sober you might be sick, but no more blackouts! And once you’re through it, you never have to go through it again!
If there are a 100 reasons to drink, there are a thousand reasons not to. Honestly, there really is never any sane reason TO drink.

I had so many blackouts in my younger days that there are YEARS I cannot remember. People talk about their past and I cannot participate because I don’t remember anything about it. It’s really very sad.

Dee74

I think the worst thing I ever did was get used to blackouts.
No one should ever do that.

Nichole, I got sober without going to AA and with a lot of party hard friends - it wasn't an easy way - I had to be incredibly strict with myself and with some of the people around me, but I stayed sober with the help of this place.

Don't let anyone or anything tell you you can't do this. If you want to you can be sober in the middle of a brewery.

If you want change, it will happen

D

Hawkeye13

It just gets worse if you don't stop

More blackouts, longer duration, and more things to regret when others tell you about them later.

That just perpetuates shame and fear and anger which starts cycle spinning again.

Please take care of you and stop. You can do it.

Gabe1980

Hi Nichole, I think I get how you are feeling. I blackout everytime I drink. It's very unusual that I remember going to bed when I've been drinking. I hate it. There have also been quite a few times that I have drank early, blackout slept then woken up at 7pm and started drinking again.

I was struggling with whether I was an alcoholic (haha!). Mainly because how I feel seems to change from one minute to the next. Strong then weak, focused then confused, certain then uncertain. I was stuggling on Monday and had not booze in except my husbands whiskey, which I detest. Thought 'I'll just have a nip to take the edge off' and drank two thirds of the bottle straight. Then I called AA. It was like Boom! Look at what I'm doing and why am I not getting the help I need.

Maybe just look at all the things that might help, that you haven't tried yet. I've learned so much from this forum and but face to face and a programme I've not done. I know that if I look to anyone else to answer the question of how much help I need or how much of a problem I have, then I'll just keep drinking. It has to come from inside.

I'd back to a very determined and hopeful day 2. PM me if you would like too. Gabe x

Anna

Nichole, the blackouts you are experiencing seem really scary. Blackouts are so dangerous, especially so for women. I hope you take action in your life to stop the blackouts for occurring, and that means to stop drinking. Stay safe!

golfreggie

Quoted from the Big Book of Alcoholics anonymous from memory, "...the result was nil until we let go absolutely." For me, I had to give up, surrender that I could not drink, and "let go". No more of my thinking I could control it, so, don't start and I won't have to try to control it, don't start drinking. For me I needed a group of folks who had been successful in staying abstinent and remaining alcohol free. I vowed to try what they were suggesting. If you have not tried going to AA meetings, give it a shot, and try to find at least one person you can talk to "face to face". I was so blessed to have been brought so low that I could be lifted out of my low. Maybe get some recovery, or AA related speaker tapes, to listen to. They are all over YouTube. Wisdom comes from experience, and there is lots of experience available to all of us, IF we want it. Recovery doesn't work for folks who need it, but it will work for those who want it. Best wishes!