Rainman1

I'm almost 11 month sober, Oct 2017 I started going to AA Meetings, around Dec I finally got a sponsor, he has 25 years sobriety. His a assignment he gave me was to read the BIG BOOK thru page 57, I did several time and was able to answer questions he asked. Well since then I see him every couple weeks at a meeting, He lives across town and our schedules just never seem to make it where we can get together, I really want to go through the steps and he says we can do steps 4-9 in an afternoon. I call him at least once a week to check in, most the time I leave a message and very rarely to I get a call back, it's the same with text messages seems I never get a reply, with that said when I call or text I'm not going through a crisis or anything, basically letting him no I'm doing ok. I like the guy but I'm wondering if he's the right sponsor for me, May 5th I'll have a year and I've yet to complete the steps.I'm new to the Sponsor thing , is the way I'm going right? It's been crossing my mind quite a bit lately that I should get another sponsor, should I ? if so how do I 'break up with my existing sponsor..
Thanks for your input.
Rinman

Berrybean

Well, it doesn't sound like it's working out for practical reasons at the moment. I'd suggest having an honest chat with him about the fact that you can't seem to find times that you can be feed up to fit with the times he has available (it's not up to our sponsors to work their lives round us - they likely have jobs and family responsibilities where they are making their own amends, and other sponsees. While we're going through the steps initially there may be times that we have to take some time off work (use some annual leave) if possible. Seeing your sponsor at meetings isn't really meeting up with your sponsor. That's just coincidence. Whatever sponsor we have we need to be willing to put ourselves out. When we get willing to put the same time and effort into our recovery as we did our drinking, then things start to get done. That shouldn't be necessary every week, but for some weeks it will be.

I must admit, the idea of doing steps 4 to 9 in an afternoon doesn't sound quite right to me. Step 4 is something our sponsor tells us about doing and we go off and write those inventories ourselves over time. Step 5 itself can take a whole afternoon. Steps 6 & 7 can be done immediately after I suppose in a practical sense, but I'm not sure that I woukd have had enough energy left to do that after step 5. Have you started writing those inventories yet?

I would say though, I've noticed that lots of us start getting a bit fearful about the steps with our sponsor when step 5 starts getting a bit closer. And start questioning their commitment to us and whether they're the right person for the job. And most times their commitment and qualification isn't lacking. It's just the fear getting to us. Step 5 is scary to contemplate.

If you DO decide to change sponsor, when you get a new one I'd suggest that you talk about when and where you will be meeting as part of the initial discussion. It's all a learning curve though.

I'd also suggest getting to some step study meetings as well as general share ones. These are SO so helpful when learning about step work.

BB

tomsteve

good on ya rainman for making the decision to get into action and WANTING to do it.
agreeing with BB about talking with your current sponsor about the problem before making a move to find a new sponsor.

also about steps 4-9 in an afernoon. it may be possible and i know ive heard it done that way. however, it may take longer- i couldnt have made all amends in one afternoon.

Rainman1

Thanks Berrybean and Tomsteve, I really appreciate the input.your both right I need to sit down and have a talk with my sponsor. I tell myself I am willing to do anything to stay sober, but now I’m asking myself “am I”. I think I need to ask him what works for his schedule, not our schedule.
Thanks guys
Rainman

tomsteve

one thing to consider:
I call or text I'm not going through a crisis or anything, basically letting him no I'm doing ok.

myself as a sponsor( or even just as a friend), i dont respond either if a sponsee/friend calls to say theyre doing ok.

if i get a message that theres a problem?
i call back ASAP.

Rainman1

Thanks

Gottalife

From the point you got your sponsor, my concern would be that around 4 month down the track, the real work of recovery still has not started. That is too long in my experience. It took me three months to get to step nine, and that was slow. The trouble is that for as long as you remain in no man's land on the wrong side of the steps, you have no effective mental defence against the fatal first drink.

No one knows when the obsession will return, but our experience is that it always does.

Knocking off steps four to nine in an afternoon sounds like a big ask, but it is possible. ln the early AAs had their steps done within the first couple of weeks.
There was this man, Clarence Snyder, who was very active in the Cleveland group. Cleveland group was so successful in the early days that many people thought that was where AA started. Their practice was that your sponsor would work with you on step four. Mine did that. We got it done in a few hours, rapidly followed by step five. Six and seven follow after an hour's reflection, then step 8 is drawn from step four, which obviously your sponsor can help with. An experienced guy can work through the list much quicker than you would on your own. Step nine would not be "done" but started, with a specific plan for each one on your amends list. It can take a very long time to complete your amends. My last was tidied up after 32 years.

On that basis I wouldn't be too worried about the steps in an afternoon thing, I would be more worried about no steps at all.

The steps are a set of principles for successful living. We learn the principles by practicing them in our daily lives, doing them with a sponsor, and then, re doing them over and over as we take newcomers through the process. In that way our practice of the steps is constantly improving. They are never just a oncer, never just done and finished with. They are a way of life. They don't need to be done perfectly on the first go.

golfreggie

I believe you will make it based on that quoted post. You are taking the bull by the horns and moving forward as best you can. Remember, easy does it is also an AA slogan. My sponsor told me, "all you can do is all you can do, but, make sure to do all you can do". Sounds like you are on a great path, a great adventure to the rest of your life, God bless

Rainman1

Golfreggie, thanks, small world, my kids live in Princeton,Tx,.

Gottalife

Rainman, I don't know from this if you have really understood the first step and what it means to be an alcoholic. Untreated alcoholism is not interested in your schedule or your sponsors. When the obsession comes back, you will go drink, nothing surer. You need to get to safe ground as soon as possible because you don't know how long you alcoholism is going to be willing to just sit there and leave you alone.

Easy does it is a popular slogan and often missapplied in terms of the program. It is wrongfully taken to mean we can take it easy with the steps, no rush etc. Fine if you know how long you have to take it easy.

The saying comes from page 135 and its context is in relation to our families. Don't expect too much from them, easy does it. You will find that actual program directions contaned in pages 63-84 have quite a bit of urgency about them. There is nothing about taking it easy, in fact quite the opposite.

Sorry if that rattles any cages, but I feel you really need this information to help you consider your options.

golfreggie

We just moved there from Carrollton, I am originally from the Kansas City area. Keep it up my friend, if I can do it so can you!

anxiousrock

I really like this post and all the feedback.
I feel like doing 4-9 in one day is quick and I’ve heard people in AA saying that it’s more beneficial to take your time with the steps and not rush it.

August252015

Strongly agree with Mike, especially the lines I highlighted.

My application of "easy does it" is 1) when I need a prayer to get through the day 2) when I find myself "disturbed" (in the BB terms- see pp 84=88 and 417-418 for material on this and other crucial aspects of recovery in AA suggestion terms) and likely to make the lesser choice, get into someone else's business, stall on making active (quick) amends...that sort of thing. (side note: I am 25 mo and change sober and it took me awhile to grasp how to apply this principal- and to learn that being gentle with myself when need while maintaining my spiritual condition and respect for my disease are both important.).

Rainman1

Thanks everyone, I've talked with my sponsor, told him my thoughts and also told him I will work my schedule to align with his,

Gottalife

Well, they didn't used to take their time, and the recovery rate was a lot better then.

What you are hearing Anarock, is a bunch of opinion mostly from people who have never taken the steps and probably are not real alcpholics anyway. Plenty of them in AA. They think that because they got away with it, so can you. If you are the real deal, that advice is very dangerous.

A good rule of thumb I use in AA. Anything I hear that I can't reconcile with the solution contained in the Big Book, I note as individual opinion and treat it as such. Nowhere in the big book did they say they found they were able to take their time. It does say those that tried that path, failed. The early AAs knowcked the steps over in a couple of weeks. A day for four to planning nine is soable, but it would be a busy day. Actually taking nine takes as long a it takes, usually years to get it all done.