limping on the crutch of recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
limping on the crutch of recovery
I feel like I’m using recovery and recovery-related activities as a crutch, much like I used alcohol. Sometimes it seems like recovery is another excuse to not be fully engaged in the business on life.
It beats the alternative, but still, recovery can be nearly as tiresome as drinking.
It beats the alternative, but still, recovery can be nearly as tiresome as drinking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,352
I think its good to differentiate between early recovery and recovery proper - early recovery is a transitional learning phase.
Its rough but this is not as good as it gets.
It gets better...
D
Its rough but this is not as good as it gets.
It gets better...
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
its early days.....try not to expect too much too soon. recovery IS a new lifestyle, a new way of living. it's not a crutch and it's all consuming. it HAS to be.....half measures availed us nothing.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
That's not how I feel about recovery, and I hope you feel better about it as time goes on.
Recovery is about living my life and being the best person I can be, every day. It's not a crutch, but a way of life. Each day I exercise, read, spend time with family/friends, listen to music and always take time to bond with my cat.
Recovery is about living my life and being the best person I can be, every day. It's not a crutch, but a way of life. Each day I exercise, read, spend time with family/friends, listen to music and always take time to bond with my cat.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
I should have been more specific; I’m referring to recovery-related activities (namely meetings). I’m reading the BB, working the steps, practicing SMART tools on my time, etc.; it’s the meetings that feel like an exercise in redundancy. But I don’t want to get complacent, and I do like the social component.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
technically meetings are NOT a social endeavor. they have a purpose.
are you still just attending newcomers meetings? have you tried Big Book Study meetings? Men's meetings? are you trying different times and locations? are you looking out for the newcomer? are you listening for your story?
are you still just attending newcomers meetings? have you tried Big Book Study meetings? Men's meetings? are you trying different times and locations? are you looking out for the newcomer? are you listening for your story?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
I know what you mean. I try to see meetings as a discipline. Like any healthy practice...that I need to stay committed to. Not social, or a crutch, but part of a healthy lifestyle. I also find that same sex meetings are the most beneficial.....for me that's womens meetings.
There's really no getting on with life.....it's happeneing right now. I used to feel that way when I thought there was a time I'd be all done recovering. For me it's just part of what I do daily. No, not meetings daily. Just the attitude and thinking that keep me from relapsing emotionally....and then literally.
I'm really tired right now......I hope that gobbledegook made some sense.
There's really no getting on with life.....it's happeneing right now. I used to feel that way when I thought there was a time I'd be all done recovering. For me it's just part of what I do daily. No, not meetings daily. Just the attitude and thinking that keep me from relapsing emotionally....and then literally.
I'm really tired right now......I hope that gobbledegook made some sense.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 572
good questions Anvilheadll.
Meetings do have a social component I believe. I doubt that I’ll have a spiritual awakening in a room full of addicts and alcoholics. I don’t envision that happening.
The AA program of recovery is in working the 12-steps, which I’m doing. There is something to be said about service, but seriously, I’m not going to set up chairs or make coffee (I know how that sounds, but whatever, it’s the truth). I go to one men’s meeting, one literature meeting, and two speaker meetings per week. I also go to at least one SMART meeting per week. With respect to newcomers, I don’t reach out, but if someone reaches out to me, I’m more than happy to offer what I can.
Meetings do have a social component I believe. I doubt that I’ll have a spiritual awakening in a room full of addicts and alcoholics. I don’t envision that happening.
The AA program of recovery is in working the 12-steps, which I’m doing. There is something to be said about service, but seriously, I’m not going to set up chairs or make coffee (I know how that sounds, but whatever, it’s the truth). I go to one men’s meeting, one literature meeting, and two speaker meetings per week. I also go to at least one SMART meeting per week. With respect to newcomers, I don’t reach out, but if someone reaches out to me, I’m more than happy to offer what I can.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
but seriously, I’m not going to set up chairs or make coffee (I know how that sounds, but whatever, it’s the truth).
why not? we're talking maybe 5 or 10 minutes of your day.....to set up the meeting room for those with a desire to stop drinking to assemble. someone does that for EVERY meeting YOU attend..........
why not? we're talking maybe 5 or 10 minutes of your day.....to set up the meeting room for those with a desire to stop drinking to assemble. someone does that for EVERY meeting YOU attend..........
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 18
Must say that I respect your honesty. I joyfully help out at my church in any way I can because that's my rock. I'll gladly help at aa meetings but I'm not inclined to take a commitment. There are those who work the full aa program for whom taking a commitment is part of they recovery. I'm not there when it comes to aa. And I see nothing wrong with that.
Originally Posted by daredevil 
good questions Anvilheadll.
Meetings do have a social component I believe. I doubt that I’ll have a spiritual awakening in a room full of addicts and alcoholics. I don’t envision that happening.
The AA program of recovery is in working the 12-steps, which I’m doing. There is something to be said about service, but seriously, I’m not going to set up chairs or make coffee (I know how that sounds, but whatever, it’s the truth). I go to one men’s meeting, one literature meeting, and two speaker meetings per week. I also go to at least one SMART meeting per week. With respect to newcomers, I don’t reach out, but if someone reaches out to me, I’m more than happy to offer what I can.
Meetings do have a social component I believe. I doubt that I’ll have a spiritual awakening in a room full of addicts and alcoholics. I don’t envision that happening.
The AA program of recovery is in working the 12-steps, which I’m doing. There is something to be said about service, but seriously, I’m not going to set up chairs or make coffee (I know how that sounds, but whatever, it’s the truth). I go to one men’s meeting, one literature meeting, and two speaker meetings per week. I also go to at least one SMART meeting per week. With respect to newcomers, I don’t reach out, but if someone reaches out to me, I’m more than happy to offer what I can.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by daredevil
Anvilheadll,
suffice it to say that the issue I posted this thread about wasn't setting up chairs or making coffee.
suffice it to say that the issue I posted this thread about wasn't setting up chairs or making coffee.
The fellowship is like a benevolent slot machine. You put a dollar in, you get ten dollars out. I can tell you that because that is exactly my experience. On the other hand, when I put nothing in, I get less than nothing out. The meetings become tiresome and draining, because I am trying to take something, without contributing anything, and I don't mean money.
The best convention I ever went to was a total screw up in the organisational sense. No one was washing the coffee cups. I saw an opportunity for service and I took it. Washed cups all day. Never got to a single meeting which was the original reason I went. It would have been easy to sit on the sidelines and complain. I would have had dozens of like minded people, but it would not have felt near as good. I left that convention a very satisfied, happy, energised and sober alcoholic. In order to recieve I had to give.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
My goodness DD, your experience of meetings in early sobriety sounds just like mine. Scarily so.
I hope you find that key to willingness and actually try some of the things that are suggested soon. Just sitting like a cardboard cutout at meetings left me feeling detached and I didn't know who had anything I wanted (because I didn't get to know anyone further than the brief shares they put out in the main meeting). Some poeple have a lot to offer but don't tend to share. I got to speak to those people in the end while helping wash up cups and set chairs out.
My pride was nearly the spiritual and physical death of me. It had me fearful, unwilling and unteachable. It took me getting pretty much to the end of my rope to actually start listening, find the willingness to reach out for help and become teachable. I wouldn't recommend it as a plan for action. Humility really does bring change in all the best ways, but that humility is an elusive thing. It's hard to get, and then hard to keep.
If we want the AA promises to materialise then there are simple and clear guidelines for that. Doing things the BB way just brought me all the same old crap that doing things the BB way always did. Clever as I was in many regards, I needed to learn so, so much. And I honestly believe that the steps and my sponsor have taught me more of worth than my 4 years studying at an Oxbridge college did. I don't even bother putting my letters after my name. They mean Jack to me compared with what sobriety and recovery have brought me.
BB
I hope you find that key to willingness and actually try some of the things that are suggested soon. Just sitting like a cardboard cutout at meetings left me feeling detached and I didn't know who had anything I wanted (because I didn't get to know anyone further than the brief shares they put out in the main meeting). Some poeple have a lot to offer but don't tend to share. I got to speak to those people in the end while helping wash up cups and set chairs out.
My pride was nearly the spiritual and physical death of me. It had me fearful, unwilling and unteachable. It took me getting pretty much to the end of my rope to actually start listening, find the willingness to reach out for help and become teachable. I wouldn't recommend it as a plan for action. Humility really does bring change in all the best ways, but that humility is an elusive thing. It's hard to get, and then hard to keep.
If we want the AA promises to materialise then there are simple and clear guidelines for that. Doing things the BB way just brought me all the same old crap that doing things the BB way always did. Clever as I was in many regards, I needed to learn so, so much. And I honestly believe that the steps and my sponsor have taught me more of worth than my 4 years studying at an Oxbridge college did. I don't even bother putting my letters after my name. They mean Jack to me compared with what sobriety and recovery have brought me.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Originally Posted by daredevil
I ... don't see it necessary to undertake such endeavors.
Oh DD, you do make me smile. Endeavours? I challenge you to stop sitting there like a 'customer' and take the risk and make the move to become part of the fellowship of AA. Just for a month. Not as service but in fellowship. As an experiment if you like. Just to see the difference it makes.
Such endeavours lol - oh, my life.
BB
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when you decide to get out of the perimeter of AA and into AA by helping others with service work and talking to newcomers, it will help you to start feeling what the people doing service work and talking to newcomers feel.
DD, you typed:
" another excuse to not be fully engaged in the business on life . "
yet say
" suffice it to say that the issue I posted this thread about wasn't setting up chairs or making coffee.
yes, the talk of service work is what this thread is about- being of maximum service to God and the people around us.
getting out of our own melons by helping others.
THAT is fully engaging in the business of life.
servicework can be quite enjoyable,too.
DD, you typed:
" another excuse to not be fully engaged in the business on life . "
yet say
" suffice it to say that the issue I posted this thread about wasn't setting up chairs or making coffee.
yes, the talk of service work is what this thread is about- being of maximum service to God and the people around us.
getting out of our own melons by helping others.
THAT is fully engaging in the business of life.
servicework can be quite enjoyable,too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Location: Scotland
Posts: 3,837
Thank you for posts on this thread everyone. I have my first AA meeting tomorrow ands it's really helpful to hear from all of you. I'll keep all this in mind. Open ears, open heart!
And Berry, my pride has been my biggest downfall. A bit too special and different to be an alcoholic! I totally identify with what you said, lots of letters but that's not what's ended up being important.
Sorry to hijack your thread DD, I hope you start to get the answers you are looking for. Best wishes to you.
And Berry, my pride has been my biggest downfall. A bit too special and different to be an alcoholic! I totally identify with what you said, lots of letters but that's not what's ended up being important.
Sorry to hijack your thread DD, I hope you start to get the answers you are looking for. Best wishes to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
[QUOTE=Berrybean;6839798]Lol.
Oh DD, you do make me smile. Endeavours? I challenge you to stop sitting there like a 'customer' and take the risk and make the move to become part of the fellowship of AA. Just for a month. Not as service but in fellowship. As an experiment if you like. Just to see the difference it makes.
That's it. A customer. An observer. An outsider. And I completely relate. Being a 'part of' scares me. In the middle of the herd? I picture a team of charging buffalo about to trample me. Being a part of as a child meant being rejected, maybe hurt, even abused. Being alone, outside of, observational was safe. I am a very frightened person so I tend to try to appear better than, without even trying. I have been told I have a 'get the fluck away from me' vibe. Anyway, it's hard. And I fight it. I'm either one up or one down. The same is something I don't understand. I'm not sure I ever will, but I'm trying. There was a time I would never admit this, staying safely behind my better than position. But now I know it's fear. Pure and simple. At least for me.
Oh DD, you do make me smile. Endeavours? I challenge you to stop sitting there like a 'customer' and take the risk and make the move to become part of the fellowship of AA. Just for a month. Not as service but in fellowship. As an experiment if you like. Just to see the difference it makes.
That's it. A customer. An observer. An outsider. And I completely relate. Being a 'part of' scares me. In the middle of the herd? I picture a team of charging buffalo about to trample me. Being a part of as a child meant being rejected, maybe hurt, even abused. Being alone, outside of, observational was safe. I am a very frightened person so I tend to try to appear better than, without even trying. I have been told I have a 'get the fluck away from me' vibe. Anyway, it's hard. And I fight it. I'm either one up or one down. The same is something I don't understand. I'm not sure I ever will, but I'm trying. There was a time I would never admit this, staying safely behind my better than position. But now I know it's fear. Pure and simple. At least for me.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
