Westexy

When my XAH and I separated last year, he moved to a nearby small town with thoughts of buying a home there, getting a job, etc. This weekend, in a roundabout quacking way, XAH informed me that he will be moving to a small city in a Central American country in September because his "nut is smaller there" and it "doesn't bore" him. He says he plans to visit our teen child every 90 days or so for a week at a time. "Maybe we can house exchange?" he says. "Maybe child can eventually come see me there" he says (um no). XAH also says "I can't believe child didn't tell you. What a weasel. I've been prepping him for a year." Quack. Quack. Quack. I spoke to my kid and he told me that XAH had been mentioning it in a joking way for a while but made the official announcement three weeks ago and told him not to tell me because he wanted to tell me. Sweet child has been dealing with this on his own for three weeks. He is best friends with his dad and is so sad. Any thoughts about supporting a healthy long distance parent child relationship that don't involve frequent visits to Central America? : ) Any thoughts about supporting a child separated from a parent at his parent's choice? I thought my XAH could make it four more years until child graduates, but nope, that's what I get for having expectations. Thanks all. (FWIW, the town looks lovely, but no way is child going that far away alone with an active alcoholic. )

AnvilheadII

when the going gets tough, the weanies run to Central America! (sorry, Central America, no offense!).

well first, if he is really going.....which remains to be seen, you and son will deal with it WHEN it happens. it sounds like a load of QUACK to me....or he just got thru watching a rerun of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid..............

Hawkeye13

What about child support payments?
Exchange rate isn't so good most CA places to U.S. dollar in terms of wages, etc.

I agree with Anvil;
maybe quacking at this point.
Does he actually have a skill which would allow him a living there?
Teaching English, by the way, won't earn him more than enough to keep himself.

Westexy

I think he's really going, but who knows how long he'll stay. He's taking a home scouting trip there next month. Regarding income, he receives a small (sometimes large) amount of family money. Regarding child support, he pays none as part of our decree, to allow him time to get on his feet and to allow me to keep my retirement savings.

Babescake

I'm the AW getting divorced and no offense, I could never think of leaving my child. I'm already facing less time with him as it is and it kills me. Utterly guts me. Whether or not an A or not, your child deserves better.

Westexy

No offense taken Babes. I'm shocked and disgusted that he is making this decision but I also think it's in kid's best interest to maintain some relationship within his dad. The best way to do that long distance? I have no idea.

Ladybird579

It's a difficult one cos unless someone is prepared to take your child to see him and stay with him to supervise I cannot see how it can happen. I agree he can't go alone...no way! Or if your ex is willing to visit your son someone would have to be willing to supervise visits in your town. Am not suggesting you do this. My exah lived in another town for the first year after we divorced and my sons never saw him. I couldn't trust him with overnight stays and it was too far for a day trip. It did become a case of out of sight out of mind tho for both ex and my son. Exah moved nearer but then moved away again. Both sons have no contact at all now but that is partly down to his behaviour since rather then his location.

I would brace yourself for the parting of the ways if I were you. That or your ex moving back and forth all the time and not really settling anywhere...which is my bet at the moment.

Sasha1972

If he really does move, and no one is available to go with Kid on visits, it looks like Skype and FaceTime are going to be the only means of communication for a while. Dad may be on his way to fade slowly out of the picture for good.

His "nut" may be smaller there, but I expect the booze is also cheaper and there's no one he knows there who will be watching how much he drinks.

Petunia1968

I'm in a similar boat. My strategy is 1-wait and see if the move happens. 2-facechat, Video chat etc. My child is 4 so She seems less worried. Another thing I think you can do to support your child is get them involvement or time with someone or something else they enjoy. My XAH was talking about flying us down to spend time with him. He did not think to ask me if that is something I would care to do with my time.