Stride34

For the 2nd year in a row, management at work did not follow through with promoting me as they said they would before year-end a few months ago. I'm not going into the details but I absolutely deserved it. It is truly unfair. Maybe I was dumb for believing them after what happened last year.

I found this out a few weeks ago and the pain is not really subsiding as I thought it would. Maybe because I still have to spend 40+ hours a week there and reminded of it constantly. It's giving me anger issues and I am not big on counseling or opening up to people so I am just bottling up inside and want to just numb the pain by drinking a 12 pack of coors light, which I've managed to stay away from. I almost feel like it would help me but I know it probably wouldn't in the long run. I also would just leave the job as I have a lot of money saved but it still pays well and its a very short commute.

This is making it worse for me as I truly don't know what to do and feel like I'm stuck.

for letting me share

thomas11

First and foremost, stay sober. If you feel you've been wronged, build a case and professionally present it to your boss or management etc....I think its your best course of action.

Needanewme

If i had a short commute i would spend more time working on my health

Berrybean

Well, you may not be big on it, but you DID open up. Well done for that.

I suppose the wise thing to do would be to not burn any bridges or act hastily. Like you say, it pays well and is a short commute. When we don't know what to do, it's generally worth not doing anything for the time being. Probably just worth keeping your eyes open for other things that might suit you better, and if something comes up you can go for it with no feelings of letting anyone down, or misplaced loyalty standing in your way.

Have you had a face to face chat and explained what you were told in the past and asked for reasons behind their decision? If not, that might be a good next step.

In the meantime, they already took away yiur pay rise, don't hand them your sobriety on a plate. Drinking on a justified resentment really is punishing ourselves for something someone else did. Your AV may well be telling you that no one would blame you for drinking over this. Thing is, that's not really the point. The point is that you have given yourself the gift of sobriety for a reason. Those reasons are still valid and real. Drinking over this won't make anything any better.

BB

J50

I understand your frustration, but drinking would only punish youself - as would allowing your anger to spill over into the workplace.

Attitude is just as important as competence, and you shouldn't give them a reason to pass you over.

I would have a conversation with your supervisor. Let them know that were surprised, and was hoping to know what you need to do for the next time around.

Situations like this also help you to examine whether or not you want to work for an employer like that.

Always keep your options open, never burn bridges, and definitely don't drink!

REM700

Deciding to drink to "numb the pain" is a temporary solution to a problem that will still be there in the morning. I find it much easier to deal with or manage problems sober than hungover or drunk.

Every time I thought it would be a good idea to drink, it ended up leading right back to daily binge drinking that I can't seem to control. Then that cycle continues.. Withdrawals, misery, promising to never drink again, etc...

Stephan2018

I'm sorry for your situation, but do not have a drink. Period. J50 made some really good points above about your job and a good way to approach your concerns. The one way NOT to approach them is to drink. It will only make things worse. Really great that you reached out on SR. Hang in there.

DarklingSong

[


Drinking on a justified resentment really is punishing ourselves for something someone else did.

BB[/QUOTE]

Incredibly powerful and absolutely true. Thanks BB.
Stride, don't let this send you back into the clutches of addiction. It just isn't worth it.
Best wishes.

MindfulMan

I was in a toxic job for 15 years. Trust me, your mental health isn't worth it. Of course, neither is your sobriety.

If you feel that talking to your supervisor would make a difference, than I think that's your first step.

In any event, I'd make an exhaustive and well thought-out list of all of the positives and all of the negatives about your job. Not just commute and money and position, but how satisfied are you? How are the hours? How is your work/life balance? Do you think that your relationships there are positive?

Also honestly and completely ask yourself the 4th Step question...what is my part in any negative experience on this job? YOUR part you can change. Your part may simply be staying in a bad situation. But there's always something. I find this work gets me past the resentment, which is also an entrapment, and towards some resolution to a stuck issue.

If this comes out a big negative balance, start looking elsewhere. If you're good enough to deserve a promotion at this company, someone at another company will recognize your worth and treat you better.

If you aren't getting promoted, it's often a good strategy to get promoted by taking a new job with a better title and equal or better pay.

Keep us posted. A terrible work environment was a big contributing factor to my continued addiction.

NO job is worth that. Life is too short to be miserable for 40+ hours a week.

Stride34

Thank you guys so much for the responses. I was almost blown away yesterday with the quality of some of the responses- there are some very wise people here.

I'm not going to drink over it as I know that's only hurting myself. The anger is only hurting myself too. I'm just going to cool down and put my ego to the side for a bit as it's not worth destroying my mental health, even though I do feel its a justified resentment.

I will also follow through with a discussion with management and an analysis of the pros/cons of my current situation, and then see where I go from there (if anywhere)

Thanks again

BlownOne

So...just a bit of perspective. You have a good job that pays well. It's a short commute. You're obviously good at whatever it is you do if you were considered for a promotion, and you have money in the bank to boot?
I think you could do a lot worse. Promotion or not. There are a lot of people who would love to have your problem.

J50

This made me think of the below Zig Ziglar video, "I hate my job".

https://youtu.be/0XC_Fkg0UIQ

Stride34

Not really sure what your point is. What are your ambitions in life?

Berrybean

I think there could be a positive way to construe Stride' s post, and that would be as a suggestion often heard around here and in AA, which is to alter the focus onto gratitude. Alcoholics tend to be easily discontented with their lot. No matter HOW much they have. I know I can be. And it feels horrible.
At those times, if I decide that I would prefer to be happy than the negative state I'm in (that can take some talking round as well if I'm in a real funk) then a gratitude list for what I DO have, rather than focussing on what I missed out on, or how 'unfair' I feel it is that someone else has got so much more, or better, or easier which just makes me feel peed off and changes nothing. Gratitude Lists are a good recovery tool. Because we don't tend to think that way naturally, and it can make life a lot more pleasant.

BB

tomsteve

i think its about gratitude.
i once was mad because i had no shoes until i saw a man who had no feet.

BlownOne

Tomsteve and Berrybean made my point better than I did. I didn't mean to offend, only that when I feel slighted about something if I stand back and take a good look at everything I do have, (compared to a lot of people who would love to be in my shoes), I realize that I have much to be thankful for. Being grateful for what I do have (as opposed to what I don't) is a good remedy against resentment for me.

Stride34

I hear you but I feel there's a fine line between gratitude and complacency especially when it comes to careers. Some discontent is is needed to stay motivated to keep growing. But I appreciate the feedback and will try to focus more on that.

tomsteve

i might be different, but discontent-dissatisfaction with one's circumstances- kept getting me drunk.

i dont see how gratitude and complacency even come close to each other.
complacency-a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements.
gratitude-the quality of being thankful

Stride34

Didn't realize complacency had such a negative definition, I always thought of it like satisfied/unmotivated without all the smugness. Learn something new everyday. Anyway we can at least agree that drinking is not the answer.

J50

I don't think that gratitude and ambition have to be mutually exclusive.

I think gratitude is just a way to put things in perspective.

For instance, in your current situation you can be grateful you have a good paying job that is close to home, but you don't have to be grateful you got passed over for promotion. You can also be grateful that your current situation helped you identify what is most important to you, and forced you to stand up for yourself.

I think it's all a matter of how you look at it.