Not a clue what to do!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 5
Not a clue what to do!
Hi all,
I am new to this and don't really know where to start but here goes!
My partner of 8 years has recently become an alcoholic....it started about 12 months and is progressively getting worse. I have a 11 year old son too to consider in this. Every night he "pops out" to the shed whilst having a cigarette for 10 mins or so at a time and drinks neat Vodka straight out of the bottle. Each time he comes back in he is more drunk. He is not an aggressive drunk but he passes out. He has recently passed out whilst our open fire was alight, end result was that I had to jump out the bath because the alarm was going off (he was blissfully unaware asleep/passed out) I came down to a smoke filled ground floor; it took days for the smell to go and could have been fatal. He apologies and says he won't drink again but it lasts about a week then he isn't back on it. He has been to AA meets to but doesn't think his problem is as bad as theirs so doesn't really take it too seriously.
I am an finding that as much as he is a good man, and he really is, I am struggling to like him. Love him, I do, like him I find hard.
I don't know whether to call it a day before it destroys us both?
We do talk about it as I am a very straight talking and open person, I don't like hiding things, and he knows that I am not happy about it and I can't take much more. I lost my job and one of my best friends earlier in the year due to the stress of it so I am currently unemployed too, he doesn't earn enough to keep us afloat so I am really lost and don't know what to do next because whilst he is like this, I can't trust him around my son.
thanks for listening xx
I am new to this and don't really know where to start but here goes!
My partner of 8 years has recently become an alcoholic....it started about 12 months and is progressively getting worse. I have a 11 year old son too to consider in this. Every night he "pops out" to the shed whilst having a cigarette for 10 mins or so at a time and drinks neat Vodka straight out of the bottle. Each time he comes back in he is more drunk. He is not an aggressive drunk but he passes out. He has recently passed out whilst our open fire was alight, end result was that I had to jump out the bath because the alarm was going off (he was blissfully unaware asleep/passed out) I came down to a smoke filled ground floor; it took days for the smell to go and could have been fatal. He apologies and says he won't drink again but it lasts about a week then he isn't back on it. He has been to AA meets to but doesn't think his problem is as bad as theirs so doesn't really take it too seriously.
I am an finding that as much as he is a good man, and he really is, I am struggling to like him. Love him, I do, like him I find hard.
I don't know whether to call it a day before it destroys us both?
We do talk about it as I am a very straight talking and open person, I don't like hiding things, and he knows that I am not happy about it and I can't take much more. I lost my job and one of my best friends earlier in the year due to the stress of it so I am currently unemployed too, he doesn't earn enough to keep us afloat so I am really lost and don't know what to do next because whilst he is like this, I can't trust him around my son.
thanks for listening xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
"lost my job and one of my best friends earlier in the year due to the stress of it "
How so?
You and your 11 year old are not safe, and I'm sorry to say it sounds like you are going down the bunny hole with him. Do you really want that for you and your kiddo?
How so?
You and your 11 year old are not safe, and I'm sorry to say it sounds like you are going down the bunny hole with him. Do you really want that for you and your kiddo?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
the one thing i caught:
He has been to AA meets to but doesn't think his problem is as bad as theirs
if he's lookin at the drinking problem- loss of jobs,homes,family,etc, hes not there YET.
if he looks at the thinking thing- the underlying issues alcohol is a symptom of, he can probably relate to a lot of us in AA.
heres the prelude to the second set of stories in the BB of AA. the set of stories is titled, "they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
He has been to AA meets to but doesn't think his problem is as bad as theirs
if he's lookin at the drinking problem- loss of jobs,homes,family,etc, hes not there YET.
if he looks at the thinking thing- the underlying issues alcohol is a symptom of, he can probably relate to a lot of us in AA.
heres the prelude to the second set of stories in the BB of AA. the set of stories is titled, "they stopped in time:"
Among today"s incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.
Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.
Why do men and women like these join A.A.?
The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.
Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.
Therefore, these seventeen AAers and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: "We didn't wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 5
Clover71- my friend of 20+ years was someone I was confiding in over he last number of months and to cut a long story short, she betrayed my trust which resulted in me losing my job - she is no longer my friend obviously, I misjudged that one!
Learning14- he is never alone now with my son which in itself is a pain but he is my priority. He is harmless but as I say passes out so can't be responsible for himself let alone anyone else.
I think I just keep thinking it will be different this time, he will really try this time etc and that it will go back to how it was......the reality of it tho is sinking in daily.... I so live in hope but he is still in denial of the severity of it.
It consumes me because I let it and I need to stop but I don't know how.
Learning14- he is never alone now with my son which in itself is a pain but he is my priority. He is harmless but as I say passes out so can't be responsible for himself let alone anyone else.
I think I just keep thinking it will be different this time, he will really try this time etc and that it will go back to how it was......the reality of it tho is sinking in daily.... I so live in hope but he is still in denial of the severity of it.
It consumes me because I let it and I need to stop but I don't know how.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
You are smart not to trust him around your son. That had to be a scary event, your home filling up with smoke. Glad you reached out here, read around the site, read the stickies and keep posting.
Maybe there is a face to face support group in your area for family, loved ones, friends of alcoholics. Try and read as much as you can about alcoholism and typical alcoholic behaviors.
See what services might be available to you in your area with unemployment, counseling for addiction (for you), housing, career building opportunities and take advantage of all of them.
Maybe there is a face to face support group in your area for family, loved ones, friends of alcoholics. Try and read as much as you can about alcoholism and typical alcoholic behaviors.
See what services might be available to you in your area with unemployment, counseling for addiction (for you), housing, career building opportunities and take advantage of all of them.
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,705
You and your son are facing serious trouble if you keep enabling your partner. If the fire department had been called and the suspect negligence on your part you might have had to answer to social services.
You must get your partner out because your son's well-being is your priority.
You must get your partner out because your son's well-being is your priority.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I think I just keep thinking it will be different this time, he will really try this time etc and that it will go back to how it was......the reality of it tho is sinking in daily.... I so live in hope but he is still in denial of the severity of it.
We here have all been on the hope merry-go-round. I mean, yes, there is always hope. But Hope is not a Plan!
You seem level headed enough, but it is very hard to walk away from any long term relationship, whether alcohol is involved or no. The thing you can do for yourself is be sure you are not in denial over the severity of what being in a relationship with an active A is all about.
"Let go or be dragged" is a common saying.
The past is gone and you are free in this moment. Make a little plan, it doesn't have to happen all at once, but even baby steps will move you forward. Think safety first for you and your son.
Have you tried AlAnon meetings? That is what really turned my head around about how to deal with the A's in my life.
Peace,
B.
We here have all been on the hope merry-go-round. I mean, yes, there is always hope. But Hope is not a Plan!
You seem level headed enough, but it is very hard to walk away from any long term relationship, whether alcohol is involved or no. The thing you can do for yourself is be sure you are not in denial over the severity of what being in a relationship with an active A is all about.
"Let go or be dragged" is a common saying.
The past is gone and you are free in this moment. Make a little plan, it doesn't have to happen all at once, but even baby steps will move you forward. Think safety first for you and your son.
Have you tried AlAnon meetings? That is what really turned my head around about how to deal with the A's in my life.
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by MrsScoobydoo 
Learning14- he is never alone now with my son which in itself is a pain but he is my priority. He is harmless but as I say passes out so can't be responsible for himself let alone anyone else.
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