33wks 5 days I picked up a drink
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
33wks 5 days I picked up a drink
It is with a heavy heart that I need to tell you that I drank yesterday and also this morning ( it's 13:20 where I am ).I saw this coming i saw it clearly so I am not surprised but I am baffled that I couldn't stop it .
Without going into too much detail its all about a very tense family issue . When I actually went through the act of picking up a large vodka and coke it was honestly my intention to drink more and even if it wasn't once that first one was in my system there was no going back , not for me . I bought a 35cl bottle at 10 am this morning and have had about half of that . Each time i have a nip/shot I get 20 minutes of wanting to talk with people then it goes flat , i go back into needing more . I can't buy any more I swore blind this wouldn't happen and it did .
While on a mini high I cleaned my sons bike which he is selling then by the time I sat back down the craving for another shot was there so fiercely.
I am sorry I let myself down after all I said on here .
I have tears in my eyes and wanting this to be done with .
I will need to take some meds to get me to sleep later then tomorrow I am praying that I have the strength to get back on track .
Thats all , no dramatic statements only the truth .
Thanks
Without going into too much detail its all about a very tense family issue . When I actually went through the act of picking up a large vodka and coke it was honestly my intention to drink more and even if it wasn't once that first one was in my system there was no going back , not for me . I bought a 35cl bottle at 10 am this morning and have had about half of that . Each time i have a nip/shot I get 20 minutes of wanting to talk with people then it goes flat , i go back into needing more . I can't buy any more I swore blind this wouldn't happen and it did .
While on a mini high I cleaned my sons bike which he is selling then by the time I sat back down the craving for another shot was there so fiercely.
I am sorry I let myself down after all I said on here .
I have tears in my eyes and wanting this to be done with .
I will need to take some meds to get me to sleep later then tomorrow I am praying that I have the strength to get back on track .
Thats all , no dramatic statements only the truth .
Thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,385
I'm glad you're back hpdw.
I really had to find other ways to deal with stress and difficult emotions. I know it's hard - drink promises so much - but it delivers so little, yeah?
I've had to deal with some horrible stuff since I got sober - I have heard the voice and felt the fear that tells me I'm not strong enough - but I've proved it to be a liar, You can too
Do what ever you have to do today to stop this in its tracks, man.
We are rooting for you
D
I really had to find other ways to deal with stress and difficult emotions. I know it's hard - drink promises so much - but it delivers so little, yeah?
I've had to deal with some horrible stuff since I got sober - I have heard the voice and felt the fear that tells me I'm not strong enough - but I've proved it to be a liar, You can too
Do what ever you have to do today to stop this in its tracks, man.
We are rooting for you
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
I am glad you were honest about it and posted. I know you can get back on track. Don't wallow in it. 2 days of drinking doesn't take away all those weeks sober. You just need to strengthen your plan for the hard times.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Location: United States
Posts: 2,547
Hi hdpw, we are here with you. You had a great run of sobriety, and now you know for sure that there is nothing left in drinking except misery. Your months of sobriety were not in vain, recovery had become your "new normal" and now is the time to get back to it. Thinking of you. 
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
When an alcoholic drinks after any time of sobriety there is never happiness .
There may be talkativeness which is most rubbish but that giggle and fun has long gone . This is how it has been wit me . From that first glow of OOOOHHHH this is nice !!!!! all I done was worry when and where it would go . It was all one huge worry putting that vodka in my mouth and still is . NOW is decision time for me , yes i,m rattling YES I have a few more shots out hiding in my shed . You all know what I should do ? dump it , yes I should but the power behind this addiction even after only one and a half days is overwhelming .
I,m going to make a coffee and sit out side as its a decent day . FEAR is an addicts downfall fear of how he/she will feel in an hour .
There may be talkativeness which is most rubbish but that giggle and fun has long gone . This is how it has been wit me . From that first glow of OOOOHHHH this is nice !!!!! all I done was worry when and where it would go . It was all one huge worry putting that vodka in my mouth and still is . NOW is decision time for me , yes i,m rattling YES I have a few more shots out hiding in my shed . You all know what I should do ? dump it , yes I should but the power behind this addiction even after only one and a half days is overwhelming .
I,m going to make a coffee and sit out side as its a decent day . FEAR is an addicts downfall fear of how he/she will feel in an hour .
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,412
There is no where to go but down if you don't stop- sounds so logical.. I know it isn't that easy.
We are here for you, pour out the poison, sip your coffee and while you enjoy the sun, review very specifically the good things about the last 33 weeks. Don't leave any little thing out- that list will get longer and longer.
You can stay sober, you're not starting at the beginning this time, and you know all the down sides of returning to active drinking.
Strength to you.
We are here for you, pour out the poison, sip your coffee and while you enjoy the sun, review very specifically the good things about the last 33 weeks. Don't leave any little thing out- that list will get longer and longer.
You can stay sober, you're not starting at the beginning this time, and you know all the down sides of returning to active drinking.
Strength to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Thank you , I have given the last of the vodka to a non alcoholic . Now I know is come down time, some depression and cravings but i,m not going back to the shop .
I will keep in touch .
I will keep in touch .
Last edited by hpdw; 03-26-2018 at 07:17 AM. Reason: UPDATE
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: ireland
Posts: 138
Hi HBDW,
Sorry about the relapse that you had. I also relapsed after 33 days yesterday.All we can do is leave it in the past and move on.I make a commitment that I will not drink for 60 days from today day 1.
Sorry about the relapse that you had. I also relapsed after 33 days yesterday.All we can do is leave it in the past and move on.I make a commitment that I will not drink for 60 days from today day 1.
Mr
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: FRANCE
Posts: 5,230
Relapsing can be soul destroying.
Staying drinking will be life destroying.
To us alcoholics drink comes before ethics morals emotions love health money...
You have already proven yourself you can go 34 weeks. That is the reason why you will beat it.
Today is a good day for it.
Staying drinking will be life destroying.
To us alcoholics drink comes before ethics morals emotions love health money...
You have already proven yourself you can go 34 weeks. That is the reason why you will beat it.
Today is a good day for it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
Had some cottage pie ,was tasty but appetite not right , on my 3rd pint of water . I feel sore and heavy and uneasy . Made my wife some toast with melted cheese and a cup of tea . This is how I feel with a drinking session yesterday and a bit of a top up this morning . Thank God I managed to stop and reach out to you all and thank you all for your kindness .
I didn't come this far to only come this far
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Dallas, Texas, USA
Posts: 38
As other's have said, go easy on yourself. It's done. Great on you that you've stopped and reached out. Put it behind you and move on with the commitment to never do it again.
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