I put my boyfriend on a plane
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 5
I put my boyfriend on a plane
My boyfriend was my first love. We rekindled at his 30th high school reunion. I thought it was fate and an amazing love story. He moved out of state to be with me. He had to sell his house and quit his job but assured me he’d find another job within 2 weeks. That was last April. The first several months of our relationship were amazing and I did not see the signs but I look back now and after learning more about alcoholism all the signs were there.
I did not realize the magnitude of my boyfriend’s drinking. I thought he was just a social drinker but over the last several months I saw his whole personality change. He has been out of work so I told myself it was the depression of not working. He stopped helping around the house. I told myself he needed to focus on a job so no need to work on house. He stopped doing all the things he loved and stopped being attentive to me, again I blamed depression not alcohol.
He kept having to take naps and had bleeds from minor cuts that wouldn’t heal. I did not know the symptoms.
In January he fell and got a bruise on his thigh that would not stop bleeding. His whole leg swole up to 3 times the size. I thought he had a blood clot so made him go to the ER.
Doc told him Superbowl Sunday he needs to go 2 weeks no drinking to clear out his liver as the liver produces the stuff that makes blood clot. He didn't quit. I had to go out of town for 3 weeks and he went on a total bender. By the time I got back he was jaundice and his arm filled with so much fluid his skin split open. He was hiding additional bruising from me. When I returned he quit drinking, at least I thought he did.
I forced him to get to the doctor where they immediately sent him back to the ER for a blood and plasma transfusion and said he needs to get on transplant list. After transfusion he was feeling much better and I was hopeful.
On Saturday he snuck a drink. I can’t believe it! He doesn’t think “one or two” will hurt.
I feel like he is dying in front of my eyes.
We haven’t had sex for over two months because of his condition. He literally physically can’t. He hasn’t worked in a year and has zero motivation.
I told him if I found he was continuing to drink I was telling his entire family and friends so that is what I did then I put him on a plane back to his family.
I refuse to be his babysitter and nurse while he kills himself but I feel incredibly guilty for abandoning him.
His daughter is having his first grandchild next month I’m scared he will never meet. When I let his daughter know what was going on she just got angry that this was causing her undue stress and unfriended me on Facebook.
I did not realize the magnitude of my boyfriend’s drinking. I thought he was just a social drinker but over the last several months I saw his whole personality change. He has been out of work so I told myself it was the depression of not working. He stopped helping around the house. I told myself he needed to focus on a job so no need to work on house. He stopped doing all the things he loved and stopped being attentive to me, again I blamed depression not alcohol.
He kept having to take naps and had bleeds from minor cuts that wouldn’t heal. I did not know the symptoms.
In January he fell and got a bruise on his thigh that would not stop bleeding. His whole leg swole up to 3 times the size. I thought he had a blood clot so made him go to the ER.
Doc told him Superbowl Sunday he needs to go 2 weeks no drinking to clear out his liver as the liver produces the stuff that makes blood clot. He didn't quit. I had to go out of town for 3 weeks and he went on a total bender. By the time I got back he was jaundice and his arm filled with so much fluid his skin split open. He was hiding additional bruising from me. When I returned he quit drinking, at least I thought he did.
I forced him to get to the doctor where they immediately sent him back to the ER for a blood and plasma transfusion and said he needs to get on transplant list. After transfusion he was feeling much better and I was hopeful.
On Saturday he snuck a drink. I can’t believe it! He doesn’t think “one or two” will hurt.
I feel like he is dying in front of my eyes.
We haven’t had sex for over two months because of his condition. He literally physically can’t. He hasn’t worked in a year and has zero motivation.
I told him if I found he was continuing to drink I was telling his entire family and friends so that is what I did then I put him on a plane back to his family.
I refuse to be his babysitter and nurse while he kills himself but I feel incredibly guilty for abandoning him.
His daughter is having his first grandchild next month I’m scared he will never meet. When I let his daughter know what was going on she just got angry that this was causing her undue stress and unfriended me on Facebook.
Last edited by Iamsoblind46; 03-26-2018 at 05:28 AM. Reason: Mistype
Friendly Folk
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Powers Lake, Wisconsin
Posts: 21,718
You did the right thing. Time to let go of the whole situation. You have your own life to live now. Don't waste another minute on him or his family. Cut the cord. It will be the best thing for your own happiness and sanity.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 116
Originally Posted by Iamsoblind46 
My boyfriend was my first love. We rekindled at his 30th high school reunion. I thought it was fate and an amazing love story. He moved out of state to be with me. He had to sell his house and quit his job but assured me he’d find another job within 2 weeks. That was last April. The first several months of our relationship were amazing and I did not see the signs but I look back now and after learning more about alcoholism all the signs were there.
I did not realize the magnitude of my boyfriend’s drinking. I thought he was just a social drinker but over the last several months I saw his whole personality change. He has been out of work so I told myself it was the depression of not working. He stopped helping around the house. I told myself he needed to focus on a job so no need to work on house. He stopped doing all the things he loved and stopped being attentive to me, again I blamed depression not alcohol.
He kept having to take naps and had bleeds from minor cuts that wouldn’t heal. I did not know the symptoms.
In January he fell and got a bruise on his thigh that would not stop bleeding. His whole leg swole up to 3 times the size. I thought he had a blood clot so made him go to the ER.
Doc told him Superbowl Sunday he needs to go 2 weeks no drinking to clear out his liver as the liver produces the stuff that makes blood clot. He didn't quit. I had to go out of town for 3 weeks and he went on a total bender. By the time I got back he was jaundice and his arm filled with so much fluid his skin split open. He was hiding additional bruising from me. When I returned he quit drinking, at least I thought he did.
I forced him to get to the doctor where they immediately sent him back to the ER for a blood and plasma transfusion and said he needs to get on transplant list. After transfusion he was feeling much better and I was hopeful.
On Saturday he snuck a drink. I can’t believe it! He doesn’t think “one or two” will hurt.
I feel like he is dying in front of my eyes.
We haven’t had sex for over two months because of his condition. He literally physically can’t. He hasn’t worked in a year and has zero motivation.
I told him if I found he was continuing to drink I was telling his entire family and friends so that is what I did then I put him on a plane back to his family.
I refuse to be his babysitter and nurse while he kills himself but I feel incredibly guilty for abandoning him.
His daughter is having his first grandchild next month I’m scared he will never meet. When I let his daughter know what was going on she just got angry that this was causing her undue stress and unfriended me on Facebook.
I did not realize the magnitude of my boyfriend’s drinking. I thought he was just a social drinker but over the last several months I saw his whole personality change. He has been out of work so I told myself it was the depression of not working. He stopped helping around the house. I told myself he needed to focus on a job so no need to work on house. He stopped doing all the things he loved and stopped being attentive to me, again I blamed depression not alcohol.
He kept having to take naps and had bleeds from minor cuts that wouldn’t heal. I did not know the symptoms.
In January he fell and got a bruise on his thigh that would not stop bleeding. His whole leg swole up to 3 times the size. I thought he had a blood clot so made him go to the ER.
Doc told him Superbowl Sunday he needs to go 2 weeks no drinking to clear out his liver as the liver produces the stuff that makes blood clot. He didn't quit. I had to go out of town for 3 weeks and he went on a total bender. By the time I got back he was jaundice and his arm filled with so much fluid his skin split open. He was hiding additional bruising from me. When I returned he quit drinking, at least I thought he did.
I forced him to get to the doctor where they immediately sent him back to the ER for a blood and plasma transfusion and said he needs to get on transplant list. After transfusion he was feeling much better and I was hopeful.
On Saturday he snuck a drink. I can’t believe it! He doesn’t think “one or two” will hurt.
I feel like he is dying in front of my eyes.
We haven’t had sex for over two months because of his condition. He literally physically can’t. He hasn’t worked in a year and has zero motivation.
I told him if I found he was continuing to drink I was telling his entire family and friends so that is what I did then I put him on a plane back to his family.
I refuse to be his babysitter and nurse while he kills himself but I feel incredibly guilty for abandoning him.
His daughter is having his first grandchild next month I’m scared he will never meet. When I let his daughter know what was going on she just got angry that this was causing her undue stress and unfriended me on Facebook.
You can’t change an alcoholic. They have to see it for themselves. Believe me, I was one and no amount of yelling, pleading, asking or anything was going to get me to change. I had to finally realize for myself the nightmare alcohol was.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 782
Originally Posted by ChloeRose63
You did the right thing. Time to let go of the whole situation. You have your own life to live now. Don't waste another minute on him or his family. Cut the cord. It will be the best thing for your own happiness and sanity.
I didn't come this far to only come this far
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: Dallas, Texas, USA
Posts: 38
I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself now. Sadly, he's not likely to change. Not saying it isn't possible, but he's got to truly want to. Time will tell, but it can't be your problem anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Originally Posted by Stephan2018
I'm sorry for what you've been through. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself now. Sadly, he's not likely to change. Not saying it isn't possible, but he's got to truly want to. Time will tell, but it can't be your problem anymore.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 446
Originally Posted by Iamsoblind46
I refuse to be his babysitter and nurse while he kills himself but I feel incredibly guilty for abandoning him.
I know this sounds harsh, but unfortunately that’s how it is.
Giving up is NOT an option.
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Western Wisconsin
Posts: 7,809
Sometimes alcoholics need that kind of kick in the rear end to realize what they are doing to themselves and others. For his sake, I hope this is the thing that makes him want to help himself. You needn't feel guilty. I know that's easier said than done. It's hard when you feel like you are abandoning someone you care about. But you also need to look out for yourself. He needs to take responsibility for himself. If he does, that's great. But you are not under any obligation to watch him kill himself with alcohol if he doesn't. He has to be the one to want to quit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 604
I hope you can stay focused on your boundaries with your man, they are healthy to have in spite of the tragic life he leads. I hope he works towards recovery. When I was a little girl I recall my father got so bad in his liver disease that he had ascites so bad the Dr's didn't think he would live much longer. But he quit drinking and his liver recovered (it was never again 100%). He later abused alcohol again, and died an early death but we had a number of good years when he took care of himself. This is something he has to want to do for himself.
Stay strong, be firm, take care of yourself first. His daughter may need to turn her back on her father because she cannot deal with his self destruction. Al-anon and codependency information may help you both get a better understanding of the disease. Visit the Friends and Family section of this website for reference material.
Stay strong, be firm, take care of yourself first. His daughter may need to turn her back on her father because she cannot deal with his self destruction. Al-anon and codependency information may help you both get a better understanding of the disease. Visit the Friends and Family section of this website for reference material.
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