Stew1984

Lost count of the number of times I’ve posted that in the last year and not delivered.

I had a binge on Saturday night, an all nighter that resulted in me looking up my ex online and vigorously looking through her social media with anger inside me learning about how she’s moving on and how fantastically brilliant her life is these days presumably because I’m not with her anymore

Anyone who followed me from when I was in a relationship with her will know it was no picnic anyway, so I’m not sure what I’m hoping to gain from looking her up- the result is I’ve pretty much had a sleepless night. Prior to that yesterday consisted of me continuing to wallow in self pity, argue with my sisters and just mope around and curse my current life situation.

But that’s just it isn’t it? Cursing, sitting around, moping, pining for a dead end relationship that’s long gone. It’s not really getting me anywhere is it? Nearly a year now since I started drinking again- what have I gained? Yes, it is probably the case that she is moving forward. That’s not my concern anymore though and I’ve embarrassed myself in recent months by contacting her and ending up arguing and upset.

The bottom line right here, right now, is to stop this chaos by quitting alcohol now and committing to a long term plan of getting my life back on track. I’ve got fire inside me today, this day is different- I’m taking action right now and for every single second and minute of my life to stop this mess once and for all.

I want to also apologise for my conduct on the forum over the last few months it’s been a rocky year. I’m very grateful for all of the support I have received. It’s time to get into the real world now

So it’s day one

Dee74

Hi Stewy

you can do this - you have the fire...now for the follow through

D

Arpeggioh

Stew -- you sound determined to feel better, and I hope you just keep looking forward to the next hour, the next day, and eventually the day after that. Because forward is the only direction we have; looking back and feeling sad leads us nowhere, man. Well, nowhere good, anyway!

Keep your eyes and your head and your heart pointed in the right direction. You're headed for a great day one of many...

tomsteve

its also time to get a program/ plan of recovery into action,correct?

that will help you in the real world.

p.s.
theres a chance you looked up the EX gf in hopes she was miserable.

Midwest1981

I hope you keep this attitude!! You deserve to move on and be happy too. Everyone makes mistakes. You can learn from them or keep punishing yourself for them. The choice is yours. Give yourself forgiveness and let it go. work your plan.

Nonsensical

Great news Stew!

What's the plan?
How can we help?

Rar

Good for you Stewy! Make your plan and commit! We are here for you. As you know, you are not alone!

Anna

Stewy, I hope you believe that you can do this!

What will you do today to make sure you have a good day with no alcohol?

Stew1984

Got first lot of cravings - intense - going to get something to eat and some water. Usually on a Monday I play football and then drink afterwards on my own. Instead of that, I’m going to my sisters house

I’ve got to change the routine, start getting rid of the old patterns. Will post again later

It’s ok to feel upset about breaking up isn’t it? There’s nothing wrong with my mindset that I have to throw 10 pints of beer at it

doggonecarl

It's okay. Normal even. But you are coming on to a year, aren't you. That's a long time to be gunnysacking the hurt. Time to move on to a healthier you.

ScottFromWI

What about the Smart meetings you found? That would be a good way to change up the routine.

DontRemember

Grieving the loss of a relationship is normal and expected. When I was drinking at my ex I never allowed myself to grieve. I was just drunk and sulking. Replaying MY version and the "what if's". Turns out I stayed stuck,almost waiting for the return of the toxicity,drunk. Once I got sober I was able to see/know what was/is at face value. Not good for her or I anymore. Too much resentment and no trust on both sides.. My ex has also moved on(apparently had him lined up/cheating) and appears happy on social media(who doesn't?), so I've heard. I'm still single and working on my life. I'm present to have a healthy relationship with my daughter(22),which I wasn't really there 100% for her while drinking. I hope my ex is happy..she can kiss my ass,but I really hope she's happy.

Stew1984

That’s very much like my situation don’t remember. I’ve drank at it for a year straight with no gains whatsoever.

I have a smart meeting on Wednesday to go to. I didn’t go last week. I was too embarrassed to turn up when I’d binged the whole week through

I think when I saw her profile online it wasn’t really jealousy as I’m not that type. It was more looking at it and seeing she’s moving forward and that I’ve been stuck fast in this horrible routine

thomas11

You have tons of support Stew. You have the fire today, that's great but you will need that fire every single day and you can do it. Be a better you starting today.

DontRemember

Yeah..best not to go picking the scabs of old relationships(looking at fakebook,ect..) sometimes it's the kick in the ass you need though to get on with things. My ex hit me up to borrow some money several months ago after drunk texting me how great her life is,so I blocked her and laughed. Like I said..I wish my ex well and hope she finds happiness,but she's not one for 'self work'..Her and I are dead as far as I'm concerned. It took me getting/staying sober to be able to firmly detach and be content.

SoberLeigh

So glad that you are back, Stew.

Make this YOUR time to rebuild YOUR life.

Pull out all the stops; start today

Build and follow a strong plan and move forward.

We are here for you.

Stew1984

I want to be here. I want to stay sober. I feel and look like death. I am only able to start building my self esteem up when I’m free of alcohol

DontRemember

A buddy of mine just now sent me this... weird timing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USsqkd-E9ag

ScottFromWI

I would agree 100%. Make a list of things you can do today to make sure that you do stay free of alcohol.

AnvilheadII

start viewing sobriety as a GOOD thing, as the BEST thing ever. get excited about it........