Struggling with the long term
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 68
Struggling with the long term
This is going to be a ramble. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to say I'm just going to say it.
Ok.
Today and a lot of other days I've gone out and done things and generally had a good time.
I'm not having a great time because during all these occasions I still want to drink, sometimes desperately.
This is really awful because I know that my loved ones are thrilled to have me around sober, enjoying stuff, and I am, but drinking always slips back into my mind.
It's bloody pathetic, I'm sat around, having a great time with people I love thinking about alcohol.
I have no plans on drinking, not at all. It is not an option to me. But I am finding it hard.
And this plays in to what I was saying before about how I have episodes of thinking my options are sobriety and misery or something else. I know, I know it's a lie but that voice is a master of putting a cloud over the bright future I want.
I dunno what the point of this ramble was, just a hard night I guess.
No, I am not drinking tonight nor will I ever. I just needed to vent these demons.
Ok.
Today and a lot of other days I've gone out and done things and generally had a good time.
I'm not having a great time because during all these occasions I still want to drink, sometimes desperately.
This is really awful because I know that my loved ones are thrilled to have me around sober, enjoying stuff, and I am, but drinking always slips back into my mind.
It's bloody pathetic, I'm sat around, having a great time with people I love thinking about alcohol.
I have no plans on drinking, not at all. It is not an option to me. But I am finding it hard.
And this plays in to what I was saying before about how I have episodes of thinking my options are sobriety and misery or something else. I know, I know it's a lie but that voice is a master of putting a cloud over the bright future I want.
I dunno what the point of this ramble was, just a hard night I guess.
No, I am not drinking tonight nor will I ever. I just needed to vent these demons.
I hope you can find some peace of mind. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
Sarah,
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,367
Change is scary and fear can bring depression. I didn't think I'd ever be able to be around other people having fun and not think about drinking...but I grew and I changed.
You're in early recovery Sarahsays - this is not the best it gets, not by a long chalk.
You'll grow and you'll change too, and one day you'll prefer staying sober.
I call it growing sober muscles and I think its something everyone can do.
Make a sober life you love and you'll never want to escape from it - not even on the bad days
D
You're in early recovery Sarahsays - this is not the best it gets, not by a long chalk.
You'll grow and you'll change too, and one day you'll prefer staying sober.
I call it growing sober muscles and I think its something everyone can do.
Make a sober life you love and you'll never want to escape from it - not even on the bad days
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by tealily 
Sarah,
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 68
Originally Posted by Dee74
Change is scary and fear can bring depression. I didn't think I'd ever be able to be around other people having fun and not think about drinking...but I grew and I changed.
You're in early recovery Sarahsays - this is not the best it gets, not by a long chalk.
You'll grow and you'll change too, and one day you'll prefer staying sober.
I call it growing sober muscles and I think its something everyone can do.
Make a sober life you love and you'll never want to escape from it - not even on the bad days
D
You're in early recovery Sarahsays - this is not the best it gets, not by a long chalk.
You'll grow and you'll change too, and one day you'll prefer staying sober.
I call it growing sober muscles and I think its something everyone can do.
Make a sober life you love and you'll never want to escape from it - not even on the bad days
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 374
Originally Posted by tealily
Sarah,
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
I feel for you. I really do! I am so glad you vented to us. We do understand. I felt that way too. At the beginning it seems impossible to imagine life without alcohol. It seems like the source of all fun and contentment and relaxation, the definition of a party, etc. You say you know, and I truly believe you do, that it's a lie, but that's what addiction is. It makes you believe it, as perverted and ridiculous as it is. You said it yourself.. you are sitting there having fun with people you love, who are thrilled to be with you sober, and yet you were having a inner struggle of wishing you could be drinking, despite all the arguments, logic and reality making it a no contest.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take those thoughts away. I hope you can believe that they really do, eventually, go away. It's part of breaking the addiction.. of body and mind. It takes a little time. But it WILL come.
The longer your body heals without alcohol steeping in your blood, organs, brain and skin... the weaker those thoughts will become.
It's just a beverage. It shouldn't have power over you, any more than any other thing you'd drink or eat. It has become a monster. Don't let it have your life. You deserve more.
Hang in there!
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Sarah, two things. First, you are newly sober. It's rough in the beginning. I wouldn't base how I will feel long term on the first few weeks of sobriety. Second, your misery may have nothing to do with sobriety and everything to do with "real" depression and anxiety. Something that can be treated.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Sarahsays
I am finding it hard.
2. It's OK that it's hard. You can do hard things.
3. I swear to you on everything I hold dear - IT GETS EASIER
4.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,642
Not a ramble. No lectures.....can share my experience.
Booze amplified every emotion to me....happy, sad...everything. With out booze...at first everything seemed boring and bland. Towards the (literal) end I drank to seek oblivion, but before that- my whole day revolved around booze...when to leave home but not get to the shop too early (otherwise they might think I was an alcie), how to have a top-up before getting home...where to sit, hide the booze, enough to last the next morning(which was never)m, where to dispose of the empties/cask bladders...so I looked 'normal'.
It takes time and practice to socialise withoty drinking...the other option being not to go to places or with people who booze. Some argue that such people - if they do not like you sober are not real friends anyway. I think the position for me is in the middle.
CBT works very well for me...
Support to you.
Booze amplified every emotion to me....happy, sad...everything. With out booze...at first everything seemed boring and bland. Towards the (literal) end I drank to seek oblivion, but before that- my whole day revolved around booze...when to leave home but not get to the shop too early (otherwise they might think I was an alcie), how to have a top-up before getting home...where to sit, hide the booze, enough to last the next morning(which was never)m, where to dispose of the empties/cask bladders...so I looked 'normal'.
It takes time and practice to socialise withoty drinking...the other option being not to go to places or with people who booze. Some argue that such people - if they do not like you sober are not real friends anyway. I think the position for me is in the middle.
CBT works very well for me...
Support to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 547
It does get easier Sarah. I'm still pretty new to the sober life and I went to my first sober music concert the other day and I was deadly worried about being the only one who didn't drink. But as the reality proved, normal drinkers are not bothered by sober people only the hard drinkers and who really cares about their opinions in any case. I had a better time than I have ever done and was surprised to hear others comments about those hard drinkers and glad to think it isn't me anymore that their talking about. Big plus, first concert I haven't made a complete ass of myself and I can remember it!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Sarahsays
This is going to be a ramble. I haven't quite decided what I'm going to say I'm just going to say it.
Ok.
Today and a lot of other days I've gone out and done things and generally had a good time.
I'm not having a great time because during all these occasions I still want to drink, sometimes desperately.
This is really awful because I know that my loved ones are thrilled to have me around sober, enjoying stuff, and I am, but drinking always slips back into my mind.
It's bloody pathetic, I'm sat around, having a great time with people I love thinking about alcohol.
I have no plans on drinking, not at all. It is not an option to me. But I am finding it hard.
And this plays in to what I was saying before about how I have episodes of thinking my options are sobriety and misery or something else. I know, I know it's a lie but that voice is a master of putting a cloud over the bright future I want.
I dunno what the point of this ramble was, just a hard night I guess.
No, I am not drinking tonight nor will I ever. I just needed to vent these demons.
Ok.
Today and a lot of other days I've gone out and done things and generally had a good time.
I'm not having a great time because during all these occasions I still want to drink, sometimes desperately.
This is really awful because I know that my loved ones are thrilled to have me around sober, enjoying stuff, and I am, but drinking always slips back into my mind.
It's bloody pathetic, I'm sat around, having a great time with people I love thinking about alcohol.
I have no plans on drinking, not at all. It is not an option to me. But I am finding it hard.
And this plays in to what I was saying before about how I have episodes of thinking my options are sobriety and misery or something else. I know, I know it's a lie but that voice is a master of putting a cloud over the bright future I want.
I dunno what the point of this ramble was, just a hard night I guess.
No, I am not drinking tonight nor will I ever. I just needed to vent these demons.
In the short term, what helped me was:
Having a list of people I admire who are sober - musicians, friends, famous folks.... a list of specific individuals whom I could use as inspiration and assurance that life wasn't going to be terrible and I wasn't going to be 'uncool' by being sober.
Creating a vision for myself of the goodness that sober living brings for ME specifically - the freedoms, the presence, the time, the responsibility and money.... everything good. A clear vision and another list that I'd physically write down regularly.
GRATITUDE - finding gratitude in EVERY day and writing that down, too.... a constant reminder of why I was glad to be sober.
Therapy - getting those feelings and emotions and thoughts out in a safe place and working on my own happiness and wellness so that I'd not have to wrestle with THAT too...
LEAVING - situations where I got glum or frustrated or jealous of drinkers or remotely felt bummed because I wasn't drinking - I'd leave. I'd get out of there asap and I'd go to the gym or for a walk or anything positive and sober.
Meetings and service work - because nothing reminded me of my reasons for sobriety like the surrounding of others who struggle and the stories like mine that happen every day for those who drink like I did.
It's hard work at first but if you keep your head right, do the work and keep steady.... it gets easier and easier and easier and then downright wonderful.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: London
Posts: 40
Hi Sarah
Its good that you posted. Lots of great support here. I am still in the early days of sobriety and I have to say, we all seem to have the same feelings but we seem to get them at different times. Its a bit like a rite of passage, we have to get through stages but when we tackle the stages, is up to us, mentally.
When I first quit drinking, I was in a beautiful place, mentally. The world suddenly lit up and I was floating instead of walking. It was fantastic!! But then... I hit a low, where all I could think about was alcohol. I still think about it, daily. Many times a day.
The bottom line is: You are not alone. In my limited experience, I can say, it will get better, stay strong & keep posting.
Actually the bottom line is: Alcohol is a bitch.
Its good that you posted. Lots of great support here. I am still in the early days of sobriety and I have to say, we all seem to have the same feelings but we seem to get them at different times. Its a bit like a rite of passage, we have to get through stages but when we tackle the stages, is up to us, mentally.
When I first quit drinking, I was in a beautiful place, mentally. The world suddenly lit up and I was floating instead of walking. It was fantastic!! But then... I hit a low, where all I could think about was alcohol. I still think about it, daily. Many times a day.
The bottom line is: You are not alone. In my limited experience, I can say, it will get better, stay strong & keep posting.
Actually the bottom line is: Alcohol is a bitch.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
Thank you for your post. I should have posted 3 days ago when I gave in to my AV. Believe me - you will be so much better off - not drinking. It brought nothing to me, except extreme sickness and great sadness.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
A heartfelt thank you for this post Sarahsays. This is what is so beautiful about the SR community. Your willingness to share, and the support that you receive, from both the long time and new members, is what makes this place special. We are all in this struggle together. I hope that today finds you in a better mindset.
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