NoBones

Hello,

Just wanted to start this thread today, to once again remind myself, and keep me focussed on abstinence for the day, as now I have fully recovered from my last hangover. About 5 days ago I did my normal 2 day binge (which I do usually once or twice a week.

Today, I'm back to full strength, meaning the depression and shame period is over, and physically I feel good.

So normally, at about this time I would start the cycle again. I would be pouring the first glass of homebrew that is freely accessible to me.

Crazy hey! I have access to a large quantity of free booze every day!

I cannot ask the owner of the brew to stop his hobby that he loves.

And to be honest I think abstinence is about controlling yourself rather than trying to control the environment and other people. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Already I can hear the sneaky little voice...you all know the one. He/She is an expert at manipulation, and relentless.

I'll be back often today.

Thanks

daredevil

NoBones,

I completely agree: it's about controlling yourself rather than the environment or what other people do. Excellent point. Something I try to remember.

Rar

Hang in there NoBones. Stay close.

Newme2018

I'm right there with ya Bones! Just get through today...tomorrow morning you'll feel great! Hang in there!

Dee74

You can do this NoBones. some good tips here...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

and stay close to SR
D

D122y

Nobones,

Ime...that day 5 or day 50 or 500....isn't about feeling good and drinking.

It is about beginning to suffer mentally. It is about the brain damage beginning to show through.

It is part of addictions 2 prong approach of.physical and mental addiction.

It got.worse and worse for me, until.i was clean for over a year.

Then it started to get better, but the crave lurks. Addiction is for life. Addiction is waiting in the shadows and it is doing pushups.

Thanks.

NoBones

Hi D122y,

I like your post, and I really like what you said here. I know you are right about that.

This time, I am not counting days. For me now, it's always... 'Today I am not going to drink!'...Everyday.

I know my mind, and if I count, at some point I will reach an acceptable milestone, like 200 days!.. and say,

'Well done Bones! Lets celebrate with a bender!'

Then I'll be back to wasting my life and hating myself for it, and it will be 10 times harder to stop. Because, as you said,

'Addiction is waiting in the shadows and it is doing pushups.'

Thanks mate

Nonsensical

Mostly agree, but it's a concept that can be taken too far. If I am avoiding eating cake I am not going to hang out at a bakery. If I am being monogamous I am not going to hang out at a brothel. If I am avoiding gambling I am not going to spend my evenings at a casino.

Could I do all those things and not partake? Absolutely.
Would I be enjoying my life? Less than I could be if I wasn't having to work so hard at diverting my mind from the path it wants to go down. When I am around alcohol I think about it unless I make myself stop. Which I can do, but I'd rather expend that effort on something more productive.

I can't determine whether or not continued exposure to vast amounts of free booze is the right course for you. I can only say I wouldn't enjoy it as much as not being around it.

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

NoBones

Hi Nonsensical,

I get what you are saying. And I do agree with you. It definitely would be easier without this temptation sitting downstairs all day every day. But also this has been a problem for me long before the home brew came into my world. Being very functional, I always have had plenty of money to buy the poison in the past.

I'm only a few days in at the moment. The difference though is this time, it doesn't feel emotional, I don't want to quit out of shame or guilt. It feels very business like.

I still get the urges to drink. I still have those emotions about wanting to get wasted. How much more I love music when I'm drunk. The 'good' times with friends. The social lubrication (or so it feels at the time haha). All of that. And it's so easy to forget the depression and embarrassment too.

This time though, well so far, it's been easier to shut those thoughts and feelings down. Coming here often really has been helping. I also have been journalling a lot. It helps to clarify your thoughts and intentions so much.

I often imagine how much better the world would be if alcohol didn't exist. So much suffering, violence and disease is the direct result of alcohol consumption. Crazy world.

16YearsDrunk

I slipped up after 50 days yesterday. The counting days is really depressing when you slip. It almost makes you feel worthless for ruining a streak. When you ruin the streak it feels like you've got a mountain to climb to get back to x days. That alone is enough to make me want to drink ha ha.

I'm with you on the not counting. This time around I am not counting days.

Today I shall not drink with you

NoBones

Here's.. to not drinking today!

I just find that if I'm counting...the pressure builds. If I focus on today only, and squash any thoughts about tomorrow or next week, there is still pressure, but it's the same pressure as yesterday. It doesn't build.

Well, that's the plan anyway ha! This is the first attempt at not counting.

Good luck to you 16YearsDrunk!

WIwoman

Hopefully this will inspire you to keep with it - I have been on the get to Day 3-4, feel better, go for one, bender, rinse, repeat. For years. I went back to "moderating" and if you see my post from 1/1, you will understand why that is the very definition of insanity.

Went out for "one" on Thursday, tried to get a UBER from the bar but failed at that for some reason, so walked (in a near blackout) to a hotel and feel asleep in a lobby for 90 minutes until I got a cab from the hotel to home. I am terrified of a video, picture or meme of me passed out in that hotel lobby. The same fear I had of a hit and run when I blacked out DRIVING to get more alcohol. Less than 4 months ago, the feeling I promised myself I'd never have again is back.

I don't stick with plans. I am going to try the impatient route at this point. I know that it is up to us to limit our contact with alcohol. But it is everywhere. I am hoping impatient where I will be guaranteed to have no access to alcohol for x amount of days will get me started. I need sober time under my belt.

This wasn't mean to hijack your post - I just recongize and can empathize with your urges and patterns and beg you not to do what I did Thursday. Trying to have "one" could be a matter of life and death. I had no intention of having more than 1-2 beers on Thursday. That was 100% my intention when sober and where it can end up scares the crap out of me.

damascus1986

get some chocolate it does wonders

Freedomexists

True.

Internal control, means not to be blown by every external wind, like a leaf, a limp leaf or worse; a plastic bag, a lonely plastic bag. Mournful.

The back room is still stocked full of booze. I've not consumed in quite some time. I could easily walk in now and spark a bottle. But I choose not to.

I've too much to do.

Josie321

Hi NoBones

Being around alcohol, especially when its free and on your doorstep (literally) would be difficult to refuse I would imagine. I say that because given those temptations, I wouldn't be able to resist. So good luck and stay strong. When the urges sneak up on you....get yourself in the forum, read, post and post again.

The AV doesn't like this forum so it's a safe haven for quitters

Freedomexists

I normally tend to finish the whole bar......

In fact, I showed progress with that today. I only ate two rows of chocolate and put the rest back in the fridge. Jesus that's great discipline on the moderation of chocolate.....

Full up on fruit now though......strawberries, blueberries, rasberries and brasil nuts with yogurt...

Anyway, CBT approach works: Thoughts, emotions, behaviours...........something is "wrong" with your thoughts.......do something positive (behaviour) ...........exercise, go on a walk......change your behaviour, change your feelings.....change your thoughts

default to action.

damascus1986

i ate a whole grocery bag of will wonka bars that first month. i had to do whatever it takes to stay sober. stawberries are great too. but in the beginning it was just a bout not putting poison in my body