JackD89

I don’t think anyone outside my therapist knows how much I was actually drinking. I was exceptionally good at hiding it. He says I only need to disclose that information to people I’m close with up to my confotabiluty. But there are times when my friends say how awesome it is that I have quit drinking, and then ask if I am ever going to drink again. The thing is, idk if this is a forever thing. Drinking is absolutely not an option for me right now. It’s a bad idea. I know I can’t control it right now, so I don’t drink. But saying it’s a forever thing is daunting.

I recently found out t another one of my friends started smoking crack.... he was one of my inspirations to stop drinking because he had quit for over a month. Now he is back to drinking, and I guess smoking crack. Idk how to help him. Idk if I have the energy to help him righ now.

biminiblue

Leaving the door open for future drinking pretty much guarantees future drinking, doesn't it?

You won't become suddenly able to be a moderate drinker. We've all played that hand and lost.

I would steer clear of the crack smoking drinking friend for now. While it seems like a good idea to try to help, what usually happens is you get dragged into all kinds of drama. Worry about your own sobriety and put it above everything else. You have to save yourself first.

BiggerReasons

Forever still sounds daunting to me too, but looking around here, you’ll find plenty of people who thought they got to a point of recovery that they could drink socially/responsibly and it didnt take much to realize: Nope.. and if you’re in a bad place with alcohol, there’s a good chance you could go a few years clean, but fall back into bad habits as easily as you may by drinking next week.

I did a detox program once with a very restricted diet, especially including alcohol, with no plan of stopping permanently. And kind of like running a race that serves beer at the finish line, you think about your next “opportunity” to drink as a reward for being good.. trust me, I can already tell that approach doesn’t work.

August252015

Glad you posted and I'm sorry about your friend. I believe strongly that we have to focus on ourselves, especially in early recovery, because we simply cannot "get" anyone to change. IME living by example and as I have grown in sobriety accepting opportunities to reach out, then letting the person make their own choice, has been my route.

Everyone has a different way of letting folks know or not. For me, I never see any of my (alcoholically) drinking friends.and have only people trying to live their own best lives (alcoholic or not) as part of my circle.

Take care of YOU, first.

Anna

I think this is probably not the best time to try to help your friend. Focus on yourself and your recovery.

As far as keeping the option open to drink again, in the future, I really believe that's a mistake. I think most of us here have tried many times to moderate our drinking and it doesn't work.

Dee74

I thought I was the master concealer too but I found a lot more people knew a lot more than I thought they did - it might be why they're encouraging you so positively to stay sober right now?

Forever was daunting for me too but the longer I lived sober the more I enjoyed it - it was not only a relief but I reconnected with my real self again.

By the time I got to 90 days..with a string of one day at a times behind me... staying sober forever did not seem so daunting.

I can tell you're a guy who puts value in friendship but I agree with Anna that now is probably not the best time for you to try and help your friend.

I've seen a lot of newcomers try and 'save' someone else, and both end up lost.

Your recovery should be your priority right now.

D