qwerty8390

I've been having a really difficult time getting over this relationship and subsequent breakup, and would like to find support from people that have been in similar situations.

So, to preface, I am technically no longer with my ex...

Warning: This might be a bit long.

We dated for 6 months, between July to January of 2018. However, I have known my ex since middle school (we weren't close, but went to middle and high school together. We are now 27/28). He was a really good looking "popular kid," while I was super nerdy back then. I've since "blossomed," and he ended up messaging me four years ago about meeting up with him. I flaked on him a few times, and we lost contact, up until this last summer when we matched on a dating site. It took two months for us to meet up, his hours were weird, he was flaky, I was flaky... but I had no intention of actually dating him and just wanted a "hookup" so I let that all slide. Eventually, July 1st we met up for the first time. We hooked up and I left in the wee hours of the morning, assuming it was just a one-time thing. He messaged me immediately after, asking if he had done anything wrong... and if he could see me again. From there, he tried really hard to win me over, and eventually a month later, we became official. I was ecstatic--this guy that I thought had been totally out of my league, was now smitten with me. Wanted to hang out with me constantly, was telling me he was falling for me and hadn't felt this way about anyone in a really long time. He told me he loved me about a month/month and a half into seeing each other. It felt great. But, some things started to not add up.

His roommate slurred his speech all of the time... he just seemed out of it, and a few times while I was over late night, they'd just kind of... doze off when we'd be watching shows. (I later found out from my ex that his roommate had started using heroin before moving out). My ex would have mood swings... get really angry in the middle of the night when we were apart, accusing me of cheating, or telling me I'd never hear from him again. One time while I was over, he flipped out because someone was supposed to come over and have him sample some "product." He said that "she's so dumb, she's not going to get any of my contacts" or something. He broke things in his room, punched a hole in the wall, then took it out on me accusing me of cheating. He got really volatile, and then when we were arguing he turned to me and said "I'll **** you up." He cried that night to me about always being abandoned, and to promise not to abandon him or hurt him.

- He took a bottle of Percocet from me. (I had it from my surgery).

- I walked into their apartment one time to a coffee table filled with pills. I was told they were his (then) roommate's.

- One time, a week went by without us communicating at all. Another time, 3 days of barely any contact. He claimed when he gets really depressed and low, he isolates himself.

- In the beginning, our sex life was pretty great. We'd be able to go numerous times in a night. Towards the end, super lackluster. Either he'd have a hard time staying hard, or he'd come in a minute.

- He took me on two drug deals, one where he gave his coworker Xanax (we were supposed to meet with an old man too about some pain killers I think, but that fell through). Another time, we got into this guys car, we drove a few blocks and they exchanged something.

- He claimed he got robbed, and I ended up having to pay his rent one month. He makes more money than me and works full time.. his rent is only 338/month. He has no car and no school loans to pay off. He eats only frozen pizza and ramen. Why would he be broke all of the time?

- He was so depressed, he mentioned killing himself numerous times to me.

- One week, there were two different occasions when I was over that he'd pass out.. slur his speech. He wouldn't wake up, I thought I'd have to call 911. His breathing was extremely slow.

- He'd send me texts like "My friend (not me) is looking for painkillers but doesn't have insurance. Do you know anyone?" "My boss said if I got him pain killers he'd give me some time off. Can you help out?" "I need to go to my friend's house, he has these prescription meds for the flu." "subs are chill, don't do **** but make you sick though" (that last text was meant for someone else).


- He'd sometimes sleep in until 8 pm, or 9 pm at night.

- There were a few days here and there where he would just not sleep at all.

He tried to hide it all from me. I didn't know what to do. When I broke things off in November, he sent me 152 text messages while I slept.. saying he was going to kill himself, saying he was going to rob traphouse and most likely die... it was traumatizing. He even looked up at me one time and in the sweetest voice said "Baby, can you buy a gun and kill me please?"

We got back together briefly after the texts, but have officially been broken up since January. I've talked to him once since. My sister ended up, recently, taking it upon herself to message his older brother about it. His family knows I guess, but now I'm terrified that his brother will tell him and my ex will hate me and harass me with messages wondering why I'm "talking ****" when in reality, I vented to my sister because I was scared. I care about him so much, honestly. I don't want anything to happen to him and I don't want him to hate me either. I've had severe anxiety since she told me she messaged his brother yesterday. She requested to remain anonymous and his brother said "I'd never tell him, don't worry," but it still scares me.


He mentioned having to go through Xanax withdrawals in the past, but kept claiming he was doing the "straight and narrow" now. But, he's not? I've been assuming opioid abuse... and it sounds like his family is well aware of his issues, with his brother even calling him an addict. I'd never had to deal with this situation before, and I'm terrified that I'll see him on the news one day, arrested again (he got a felony a year and a half ago while high on Xanax and alcohol), or dead. Aside from the drug issues, he also gave me an STD early in the relationship... I found out about it when I was getting an abortion, which I could not tell him about because I didn't think he was mentally able to handle it. (This was the week where he was telling me every day that he was going to kill himself). Sometimes I regret not letting him know, but I was scared it would push him over the edge.

I have him blocked for now because I would not be able to mentally handle him sending me tons of horrible messages if he finds out my sister messaged his brother.

I'm not trying to get back with him (although in an ideal world I would love that), I'm not trying to "save him." I guess, I just want to talk to people that have been through it too.

Spence7471

May people here have gone through this with significant others. Since you are not married or tied to eachother in any other way, best is to let him go. You do not need such drama in your life, and that is all he will bring.

Best luck with this going forward... as difficult as it is, you have made the right decision to go no contact and let him go.

Gm0824

Hi qwerty, I just wanted to say welcome and hope you take some time to read the stickies. Learning about both addiction and co-dependency was a tremendous help to me in my own recovery.

qwerty8390

Thanks for the response. It was a very short time that we were together, and I understand it's probably better to count my losses and block him (which I have). Despite us being together for only 6 months though, I've known this guy since we were kids. It's sad to see where he's at now, and when I was with him I almost felt... not just a girlfriend role, but a caretaker role as well. I still check the news and a police mugshot site sometimes to make sure he hasn't been arrested or worse..

He's on my mind every day. He was like an addiction for me. I'm in therapy but still struggling with getting over him and this situation. I worry about him constantly, even though he treated me badly.

Gm0824

I am glad you are in therapy. Hopefully, you can continue to learn and grow for a better quality of life for yourself.

qwerty8390

So my AXBF messaged me out of the blue asking me if I wanted to be his roommate. I know he's desperate because he kicked out his other roommate for attempting suicide a few times...


I'm devastated. He said he wouldn't make things weird and that I could invite over whoever I want. So, essentially, he could give two ***** about me or what we had. IDK what to even feel right now... I'm so hurt and so... offended. What is he even thinking?? Reaching out to an ex about being roommates?

AnvilheadII

he's checking his resources.....trust me you are not the only person he's reaching out to, trying to find somewhere to land.

ignore it. YOU are not a resource.

qwerty8390

I understand that he's using me... he even said he's asking whoever, because he's obviously in a bind and can't afford his rent by himself. It just hurts really badly... like, I mean nothing, other than being a "resource."

AnvilheadII

he doesn't SEE your true worth.......his loss