100KWatts

Last night, I was having a good evening... chatting with old friends online.. had a long call with my dad... everything was good... until I decided to drink. A six pack and bottle of Jager later, I was angry... depressed... sad... I sent my ex-wife (whom I talk to daily and love dearly) a mean text message.. even though she had done nothing wrong except not reply fast enough... This morning I can't even remember what I said to her (and I deleted the text from my phone for some unknown reason.. as if deleting it would stop her from reading it I guess)... I woke up to her response (she was actually not mad, just kind of hurt) and a throbbing headache... and a teenage son looking at me like.. dad, you have to get it together..

Over the past week, I've drank all but one night... Sometimes I'll go out to a little dive bar and sit there til it closes.. sometimes I just hang out by myself at the house and listen to music and drink. I've spent over $200 on alcohol in the past week alone... one or two is never enough.. once the shots start, it's over.. I'm going to drink until I pass out.. It's almost like a challenge to see how much of that poison I can drink each night..

I was always just a social drinker up until the past 9 years. Since then, alcohol has pretty much taken over my life. I lost a really good job in 2012 because of it.. my business the next year.. a wife I adored... my house and just about everything I owned.. in 2015 I found myself unemployed, living in a cabin without running water in the middle of nowhere.. alone.. I was at rock bottom.. and I told myself then I was never going to let that happen again..

Since then I've done good at rebuilding my life... I moved to another city and took a good job.. my drinking slowed down for quite awhile. I would go a month or so without touching a drop... life has been good... I'm about to get a new house.. job is going great.. I'm making new friends here..

But, lately, my drinking has picked back up... I'm slipping back into old habits.. and I'm scared to death I'm going to screw up and lose it all again. I know I have to do something and do it quick or I'm going to be right back at rock bottom again like I was in 2015.

So that's what has led me here. I've been reading through the threads this morning and I need the kind of encouragement this group provides. I have to stop. I can't afford to go back down that road again. I've been so blessed with the support my ex-wife has given me in the past and I don't want to disappoint her or the kids again. I don't want to hurt them anymore.

Thank you for reading. God bless you all.

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, 100K; really glad that you found us. And that you are already checking out the threads. That is great.

There are some not to miss threads; I will post some links in a minute.

There is an exponentially better way to live - filled with self-respect, gratitude, improved relationships, happiness . . . . Sobriety and Recovery are key!

SoberLeigh

As promised:

Re the importance of a sober Plan.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...highlight=Psst (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

SoberLeigh

Some really I for and personal experience here:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...at-we-did.html (Recovery Programs & What to Expect (What We Did))

SoberLeigh

A nice spot to post a daily commitment to sobriety and share if you like:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-363-a.html (24Hour Recovery Connections Part 363)

Mac4711

You sound like you are ready, 100, great decision not to throw it all away again! We can give you all the support you need. So this is day 1 for you - do you have a plan and what does it look like? How will you address the cravings? How will you keep yourself busy?

SoberLeigh

A link to SR's most current Class:

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-part-two.html

Mac4711

I see that Soberleigh has posted the recovery plan link. Why don’t you go through it and then let’s see if you have any questions?

SoberLeigh

There is so much support, encouragement and understanding to be found around this forum; very glad that you are here.

100KWatts

I don't really have a plan (yet)... but, you've gotta start somewhere right?

I'll read through these links as time allows today and tonight. Thank you all!

My ex-wife just texted and said she would call me in a little bit... kinda nervous to talk to her. I'm so upset with myself for texting her that last night.. I know I made some crack about how she has no problem taking money from me (or something to that effect)... which, I never want her to feel bad about accepting help from me.. I'll just politely face the music I guess.. I doubt she'll gripe at me, but I know she'll let me know she's disappointed and that's worse than being yelled at...

gatorman

Agree...

Anna

I'm glad you joined us and that you have decided to work on your recovery. There is lots of support here.

Mac4711

Just be straight when you talk to her. Tell her you were drunk when you texted her, apologize, and then you should both move on.
One of the big things that I have learned in my sobriety is that, among a lot of other things, it is about taking the right action!

100KWatts

Day one in the books... Didn't sleep much, but I've kept busy working on some projects I've been neglecting lately. God is good. Gonna be a good day.

Mac4711

Awesome, keep it going!

Dee74

Welcome 100KWatts

D

PalmerSage

Welcome 100kWatts, and thank you so much for your honest post. We've all been there, and there's a lot of support here for you.

100KWatts

3 days in and still haven't touched a drop.. tired, because I haven't slept much, but I've accomplished a lot the past few days.. I'm keeping myself super busy so I won't even have time to think about drinking... back to work. Thanks everyone!

lessgravity

100k - nice work.

Hope you find the support, focus and plan you need not to lose all that you have.

Welcome and thanks for posting.

Dee74

nice work 100KWatts - keep it going

D