Hi its me and its my first day of sobriety
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Washington state
Posts: 2
Hi its me and its my first day of sobriety
Hello, my name is Alex and I am a 40 yr old "girl" . I know also that I am an alcoholic. Beer is my poison, and I am so sick and tired of being a slave to it..this is my first step. This may be a long story, but I have to tell it and I truly appreciate any words of wisdom or thoughts that you have.
I've been married for 22 years and have a 21 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter.....my husband and son know that I have a drinking problem. My daughter is still oblivious.
No dramatic childhood experiences made me this way....I come from a big conservative Catholic family and Mom and Dad are still together, we are all still close, but there was always pressure to be the best (I am the oldest) and I was until I rebelled as a teenager. Its safe to say that in high school I could drink any guy under the table at parties...of course, that was something to be proud of back then (yeah right). I married my high school sweetheart (after getting pregnant at 18), and proceeded to get a job, which turned into a good career. Even back then, I loved beer..its never been anything else. I stayed skinny, have always worked out and been pretty healthy, but the beer was always there- not much for many years, only socially, but boy when socially, I always did in excess.
Its been the last 5 years where I have really become dependent on it. My son went through a school shooting and lost a best friend. I lost him after that to meth (he is recovered now). My husband is a police officer and lets just say has never really been much of an emotional support for me, and last year, we uprooted our lives from one end of the US to the other. I was isolated and unemployed for the first time in my life and my son was on the other end of the US. I started drinking a lot and went inside of myself. Where I always have been a very outgoing person, I just shut out and kept drinking. I did get out there and now have a great job, and love it.....but, I still am drinking. As soon as I get home, a beer gets popped open. And because my husband now searches the house, I hide the bottles. Since we moved here a year ago, my skinny self has put on 25 lbs...and its not my winter coat.
I attempted an AA meeting last month, but we live in a very small town where everyone is in everyone's business, and I bailed out after seeing that mostly everyone in that room were there because of court order and because I was afraid that my car would be recognized on the street!
I want to be sober, and this is my first day. Its really embarrassing to give that testimony, but its also important that I put it out there.
Thanks for listening.
Alex
I've been married for 22 years and have a 21 yr old son and a 10 yr old daughter.....my husband and son know that I have a drinking problem. My daughter is still oblivious.
No dramatic childhood experiences made me this way....I come from a big conservative Catholic family and Mom and Dad are still together, we are all still close, but there was always pressure to be the best (I am the oldest) and I was until I rebelled as a teenager. Its safe to say that in high school I could drink any guy under the table at parties...of course, that was something to be proud of back then (yeah right). I married my high school sweetheart (after getting pregnant at 18), and proceeded to get a job, which turned into a good career. Even back then, I loved beer..its never been anything else. I stayed skinny, have always worked out and been pretty healthy, but the beer was always there- not much for many years, only socially, but boy when socially, I always did in excess.
Its been the last 5 years where I have really become dependent on it. My son went through a school shooting and lost a best friend. I lost him after that to meth (he is recovered now). My husband is a police officer and lets just say has never really been much of an emotional support for me, and last year, we uprooted our lives from one end of the US to the other. I was isolated and unemployed for the first time in my life and my son was on the other end of the US. I started drinking a lot and went inside of myself. Where I always have been a very outgoing person, I just shut out and kept drinking. I did get out there and now have a great job, and love it.....but, I still am drinking. As soon as I get home, a beer gets popped open. And because my husband now searches the house, I hide the bottles. Since we moved here a year ago, my skinny self has put on 25 lbs...and its not my winter coat.
I attempted an AA meeting last month, but we live in a very small town where everyone is in everyone's business, and I bailed out after seeing that mostly everyone in that room were there because of court order and because I was afraid that my car would be recognized on the street!
I want to be sober, and this is my first day. Its really embarrassing to give that testimony, but its also important that I put it out there.
Thanks for listening.
Alex
Pink Cloud Dweller
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Salt Lake City
Posts: 19
WELCOME!!
Thanx for sharing your "testimony" with us. I highly suggest you don't let your feelings or your best thinking keep you from AA. Go to meetings in a different town if you have to. Yeah messege boards are great but are no substitute for meetings by any means. This is a life or death disease!!
GET A BIG BOOK!!
READ IT!!
Who cares what people think
We are here to help, SO
Keep coming back!!
Aaron
Stay UP!! ( and don't drink no matter what!!)
Thanx for sharing your "testimony" with us. I highly suggest you don't let your feelings or your best thinking keep you from AA. Go to meetings in a different town if you have to. Yeah messege boards are great but are no substitute for meetings by any means. This is a life or death disease!!
GET A BIG BOOK!!
READ IT!!
Who cares what people think
We are here to help, SO
Keep coming back!!
Aaron
Stay UP!! ( and don't drink no matter what!!)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Hello Alex.I am glad you are here.Hopefully you will give AA another try.Perhaps you can hit a meeting in the next town.Or just not worry about your car being recognized.This is something I cannot do alone,I would be lost without the support I get from Alcoholics Anonymous. 
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
We worry about the car at meetings. How many times did we worry about the car in front of the store when buying though?
Alcohol is a progressive disease. What will people think when it progresses beyond where it is?
In all my days I have never known anyone who looks at parking lots where meetings are held to see who is there. I have heard many speak of parking lots where the store is to buy though.
If it truly bothers you, as posted by others, try the next town over for meetings. Once you get to the meetings and see just how things are, you will find your worries were not warranted.
You are off to a great start. Seeing and accepting there is a problem and then looking for solutions.
The support you can and will get from AA meetings is wonderful. We don't need do this alone. Congratulations on taking the needed steps towards a better way... a sober way of life.
Alcohol is a progressive disease. What will people think when it progresses beyond where it is?
In all my days I have never known anyone who looks at parking lots where meetings are held to see who is there. I have heard many speak of parking lots where the store is to buy though.
If it truly bothers you, as posted by others, try the next town over for meetings. Once you get to the meetings and see just how things are, you will find your worries were not warranted.
You are off to a great start. Seeing and accepting there is a problem and then looking for solutions.
The support you can and will get from AA meetings is wonderful. We don't need do this alone. Congratulations on taking the needed steps towards a better way... a sober way of life.
Not the center of the Universe
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Orchard Lake, Michigan
Posts: 974
Alex,
Big congratulations! Here is wishing you the "courage to change the things I can". It must be extra hard to start recovery in a town where everybody is everybody's business. Still, A.A. is a place where people go to recover from alcoholism not practice it, so the worst absolute truth anybody (or everybody) could say is "Oh look, there goes Alex. She's a recovering alcoholic you know." Unfortunately, there are stupid, ignorant people with predjudices everywhere. Are you really going to let them stop you from doing the single most important thing you could possibly do to improve your life and your family's life?
There has to be at least one or two or three people at the meeting who are not court ordered. You must find them, they are very important.
OK, I may just be talking out my backside about this though. I grew up and learned to drink in a small town, but started recovery in the vast anonymity of the Detroit metro area where there are several different A.A. and N.A. meetings each day in each suburb. I don't know if I would have had the courage I so easily suggest that you find. I only know that recovery has been the single best thing that has happened in my life. I wish you all the best in starting yours. Keep hanging around SR, there are many, many good people here.
Jah Bless
Big congratulations! Here is wishing you the "courage to change the things I can". It must be extra hard to start recovery in a town where everybody is everybody's business. Still, A.A. is a place where people go to recover from alcoholism not practice it, so the worst absolute truth anybody (or everybody) could say is "Oh look, there goes Alex. She's a recovering alcoholic you know." Unfortunately, there are stupid, ignorant people with predjudices everywhere. Are you really going to let them stop you from doing the single most important thing you could possibly do to improve your life and your family's life?
There has to be at least one or two or three people at the meeting who are not court ordered. You must find them, they are very important.
OK, I may just be talking out my backside about this though. I grew up and learned to drink in a small town, but started recovery in the vast anonymity of the Detroit metro area where there are several different A.A. and N.A. meetings each day in each suburb. I don't know if I would have had the courage I so easily suggest that you find. I only know that recovery has been the single best thing that has happened in my life. I wish you all the best in starting yours. Keep hanging around SR, there are many, many good people here.
Jah Bless
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Alex
So pleased that you found us here. Welcome on board.
Getting sober and into recovery is something which you are doing for yourself, your health and your wellbeing. Recognising that you have a problem and taking the decision to get to An AA meeting is bold, courageous and rewarding step.
You have no doubt found out already that we in AA don't judge others. We simply share our experiences so that we can all learn about a better sober way of life. These experiences give us hope, faith and in my case masses amount of additional determination.
I live in a small village of about 250 people and I go to AA meetings in a town about 8 miles away. My family and close friends know I go to AA and I have nothing but respect and admiration for them. I don't know if any neighbours etc. realise that I am In AA. But to be honest, I don't give a flying **** if they do. This is my programme and I don't judge anybody else whether or not they are drinkers, alcoholics or whatever.
When I was drinking I had little or no self esteem and at times allowed people to walk over me. Sobriety has helped to create structure in my life and I have now created my own boundaries. My first boundary is that I will not allow anybody or anything to interfere with my continued sobriety and recovery.
Maybe you could create your own boundary and stick to it. This should help you to overcome the small town syndrome.
You're not alone here and we're all here to help each other.
You can do this.
Hugs.
Rich
So pleased that you found us here. Welcome on board.
Getting sober and into recovery is something which you are doing for yourself, your health and your wellbeing. Recognising that you have a problem and taking the decision to get to An AA meeting is bold, courageous and rewarding step.
You have no doubt found out already that we in AA don't judge others. We simply share our experiences so that we can all learn about a better sober way of life. These experiences give us hope, faith and in my case masses amount of additional determination.
I live in a small village of about 250 people and I go to AA meetings in a town about 8 miles away. My family and close friends know I go to AA and I have nothing but respect and admiration for them. I don't know if any neighbours etc. realise that I am In AA. But to be honest, I don't give a flying **** if they do. This is my programme and I don't judge anybody else whether or not they are drinkers, alcoholics or whatever.
When I was drinking I had little or no self esteem and at times allowed people to walk over me. Sobriety has helped to create structure in my life and I have now created my own boundaries. My first boundary is that I will not allow anybody or anything to interfere with my continued sobriety and recovery.
Maybe you could create your own boundary and stick to it. This should help you to overcome the small town syndrome.
You're not alone here and we're all here to help each other.
You can do this.
Hugs.
Rich
Connie
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 83
Originally Posted by best
We worry about the car at meetings. How many times did we worry about the car in front of the store when buying though?
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