How long till I'm whole again?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 16
How long till I'm whole again?
I left my addict boyfriend of 4 years. It's been 7 months. I'm attending co dependency meetings, praying, meditating, hitting the gym. I've lost 22 lbs., feel greatand my life seems all good. But when I try to date ...it just doesn't work. I feel my wall is still up. When does it get better. Months, years?
Thank you in advance
Thank you in advance
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
there is no timetable.....each person is an individual with a history, possible baggage, mindset. it's like a diet or a new workout program....no two people will have the exact same results, because they did not start with the exact same conditions.
if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. there's no rush. no race. don't overlook all the GOOD things you are doing for yourself!!
if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. there's no rush. no race. don't overlook all the GOOD things you are doing for yourself!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
there is no timetable.....each person is an individual with a history, possible baggage, mindset. it's like a diet or a new workout program....no two people will have the exact same results, because they did not start with the exact same conditions.
if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. there's no rush. no race. don't overlook all the GOOD things you are doing for yourself!!
if you aren't ready, you aren't ready. there's no rush. no race. don't overlook all the GOOD things you are doing for yourself!!
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
You won't like this answer, but I'll tell you anyways.
It takes however long it takes.
Speaking from experience, it only took me a couple of months before I felt sane, and once that was there, I was able to really pay attention to the things that fell by the wayside while I was with my AXGF.
It's also true once she was gone, I didn't miss her. At all. That said, I had no interest in dating, or sex, or emotional intimacy for a very, very long time. It wasn't until almost 4 years later that I got together with the woman who I would eventual marry.
And, man, was I scared to be intimate with her. We waited a couple of months before we slept together. But once I let go of that fear, that was when I was truly free.
So be patient. You'll be OK, in time. Or to put it another way: fake it 'til you make it.
It takes however long it takes.
Speaking from experience, it only took me a couple of months before I felt sane, and once that was there, I was able to really pay attention to the things that fell by the wayside while I was with my AXGF.
It's also true once she was gone, I didn't miss her. At all. That said, I had no interest in dating, or sex, or emotional intimacy for a very, very long time. It wasn't until almost 4 years later that I got together with the woman who I would eventual marry.
And, man, was I scared to be intimate with her. We waited a couple of months before we slept together. But once I let go of that fear, that was when I was truly free.
So be patient. You'll be OK, in time. Or to put it another way: fake it 'til you make it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by zoso77
You won't like this answer, but I'll tell you anyways.
It takes however long it takes.
Speaking from experience, it only took me a couple of months before I felt sane, and once that was there, I was able to really pay attention to the things that fell by the wayside while I was with my AXGF.
It's also true once she was gone, I didn't miss her. At all. That said, I had no interest in dating, or sex, or emotional intimacy for a very, very long time. It wasn't until almost 4 years later that I got together with the woman who I would eventual marry.
And, man, was I scared to be intimate with her. We waited a couple of months before we slept together. But once I let go of that fear, that was when I was truly free.
So be patient. You'll be OK, in time. Or to put it another way: fake it 'til you make it.
It takes however long it takes.
Speaking from experience, it only took me a couple of months before I felt sane, and once that was there, I was able to really pay attention to the things that fell by the wayside while I was with my AXGF.
It's also true once she was gone, I didn't miss her. At all. That said, I had no interest in dating, or sex, or emotional intimacy for a very, very long time. It wasn't until almost 4 years later that I got together with the woman who I would eventual marry.
And, man, was I scared to be intimate with her. We waited a couple of months before we slept together. But once I let go of that fear, that was when I was truly free.
So be patient. You'll be OK, in time. Or to put it another way: fake it 'til you make it.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I am 4 years post divorce and I still have a wall. It has served me well. I've focused on myself rather then looking for a partner and worked on my own issues rather then focusing on issues I'd get in a relationship. I am at the point, and have been for about 2 years, that am not bothered if I meet anyone or not. I enjoy being single and I have a happy life. It's not that I've not met anyone but if I sit and think about it I do not know how I could merge them with my life now. Don't worry tho...7 months is not a long time to recover. Just don't force yourself until you are ready.
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