heartbrokenK

I feel like I allow my husband to guilt trip me when I’ve done nothing wrong. For instance 2 Thursday’s ago he was telling me how he was going to get his life together and then landed in jail the same night. Now his dad is kicking him out and he calls me to guilt trip me because he has no where to stay until the 21st! Yet worse I allowed it! Ugh frustrated. On the plus side I made a killer shepherds pie and bangers and mash. Happy St. Patrick’s Day 🍀

grayghost1965

Guilt trips only work if we allow them to. Yes, you have that much power - don't let him have power over you.

Bernadette

Beware the FOG!!!
Fear
Obligaton
Guilt
Shine some light on those feelings and recognize where they come from.
He landed himself in jail.
He has nowhere to go till the 21st.

You did not put him in jail.
You are not the reason he lost his living situation.

So what is there to fee guilty about? Maybe you feel pity for him, because yeah what a crappy place to find YOURSELF in.

You didn't Cause it.
Can't Control it.
Can't Cure it!

You go ahead and enjoy those bangers and mash!!

Seren

Yep, manipulation through guilt or by any means...a powerful tool of the active addict/alcoholic.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...rful-tool.html (Manipulation--Addiction's most powerful tool)

NYCDoglvr

Yes but the codependent has to be open to it first.

Seren

I completely agree, NYCDoglvr. It is our compassionate and caring nature that keeps us wrapped up in the game. We approach it from our own POV, assuming that the active addict/alcoholic is playing by the same rules--when they are not.

Ladybird579

I feel like I allow my husband to guilt trip me when I’ve done nothing wrong. For instance 2 Thursday’s ago he was telling me how he was going to get his life together and then landed in jail the same night. Now his dad is kicking him out and he calls me to guilt trip me because he has no where to stay until the 21st!

You will get to the point it is water off a ducks back if you keep working on yourself. My exah used to try guilt tripping me and so did some of my kids but now I am not the slightest bit interested in being a whipping boy for their problems they bring on themselves. My response is usually and this is my fault because...? and hang up lol.

atalose

Women are their own worst enemies. And guilt is the main weapon of self-torture……Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilty and I’ll show you a man………………..Erica Jong

The primary weapon of emotional abusers is the deliberate infliction of guilt. They use guilt the same way a loan shark uses money: they don’t’ want the “debt” paid off because they live quite happy on the interest………….Andrew Vachss

I think once we begin to think of guilt in a different way then we have become accustomed to we can then handle it appropriately by using one tiny little word…………NO

hopeful4

All actions have consequences. Now he has to suffer from his choices.

No is a complete sentence friend.

Big hugs.