Last straw...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 21
Last straw...
Hello, forum peeps! (sorry, originally posted in the wrong forum...my apologies - still trying to navigate).
I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic for the past few months. No, I wasn't aware of just how bad the addiction was, but I knew he was a "drinker". I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic before, I've been to Al-Anon meetings before, I have the literature, books, etc. I told him up front that I wasn't interested in being in a relationship with an alcoholic, and he was very good at assuring me that the problem wasn't as bad as it clearly is.
I've set boundaries and he's made a decent show of trying to hopscotch over them. He's politely, but firmly, been reminded of my boundaries and been made to respect them - which he seems to "forget" about the very next time.
A bit of background to the "last straw" - I do a triathlon every year with my best friend and have for the past 4 years. I had set a goal to start training at the beginning of this year, since I'm a little out of shape due to major job stress and "stress-eating" last year. After the holidays the extent of my bf's alcoholism really came to light, and I developed a bad case of bronchitis that left me out of commission for over 2 months and on steroids, breathing treatments, and antibiotics for 2 weeks.
One morning my bf starts "teasing" me about how I haven't been training like I had said I would. I explained that I've been sick, and could barely breathe. He would not let up. He kept at it until I got mad and ended the conversation. After he sobered up I explained why that upset me and he apologized left and right and said he was just "trying to motivate me to achieve my goals." (Quack).
Fast forward a couple more weeks and it happens again, but this time he's a little more malicious in his "teasing". I had already changed my eating habits and had dropped a couple of pounds, but hadn't actually started training yet (the triathlon isn't until the end of June and it's my 4th one!) I got mad again and we had an even bigger blow-out. After he sobered up we talked again - see above paragraph. This time I decided that I would show him!!!
I signed up for the South Beach Diet. I have been very disciplined with it - not cheating, not even once! The instructions are to take it easy with physical activity the first week while your body adjusts, so I began waking up an hour earlier than usual to get used to waking up to work out before work. I lost 8.5 pounds that first week and have been feeling great! He seems very supportive and tells me how proud he is of me, how awesome I look, how he can tell I'm feeling better about myself, etc.
This morning he calls me before work - drunk again (although I didn't realize at first). After some good conversation he asks how my call with the South Beach Diet counselor went last night and I start telling him about how I was telling her I started training for my triathlons - and he busts out laughing. He starts mocking me, bringing up how I haven't trained all year even though I said I was going to. Saying that NOBODY is sick for 2 months so it was just another excuse, the flat tire on my bike and bad tube is just another excuse, on and on....I very calmly told him that we've discussed this before, and he needs to stop. He kept going - worse this time - laughing and ridiculing me. I firmly told him to stop, and that he was starting to cheese me off. He stopped for one second and the minute I opened my mouth to say that I've worked out 3 of the past 3 mornings - the first 3 after that first week on the diet - he just laughed and started in again! I hung up on him. I was so mad I was shaking. I haven't had someone upset me this much in a very long time, probably because I've been putting in a monumental effort to stick to this plan and it felt like to him it was just ridiculous.
That was my last straw.
Naturally the texts apologizing came flying - so I let him have it. I didn't hold back. I've been more than patient with him while still trying to maintain my boundaries and juggle the love triangle between him, me and the bottle. It made me feel like all of the hard work and discipline that I've been putting into it are a joke to him - that he doesn't respect me at all. I read some articles about whether drunk people tend to tell the truth when they're drunk because I just didn't want to actually believe that he truly sees something this important to me as a joke. Sadly, most of what I read just made it hurt that much more.
If you've made it this far into the post - thank you. I've decided to just walk away. We haven't been together long enough to justify me putting any more effort into someone that feels that way towards me, and either can't or won't respect me or the things that are important to me. I don't need him in my life and I deserve way better than that.
Just think - more time to train!
I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic for the past few months. No, I wasn't aware of just how bad the addiction was, but I knew he was a "drinker". I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic before, I've been to Al-Anon meetings before, I have the literature, books, etc. I told him up front that I wasn't interested in being in a relationship with an alcoholic, and he was very good at assuring me that the problem wasn't as bad as it clearly is.
I've set boundaries and he's made a decent show of trying to hopscotch over them. He's politely, but firmly, been reminded of my boundaries and been made to respect them - which he seems to "forget" about the very next time.
A bit of background to the "last straw" - I do a triathlon every year with my best friend and have for the past 4 years. I had set a goal to start training at the beginning of this year, since I'm a little out of shape due to major job stress and "stress-eating" last year. After the holidays the extent of my bf's alcoholism really came to light, and I developed a bad case of bronchitis that left me out of commission for over 2 months and on steroids, breathing treatments, and antibiotics for 2 weeks.
One morning my bf starts "teasing" me about how I haven't been training like I had said I would. I explained that I've been sick, and could barely breathe. He would not let up. He kept at it until I got mad and ended the conversation. After he sobered up I explained why that upset me and he apologized left and right and said he was just "trying to motivate me to achieve my goals." (Quack).
Fast forward a couple more weeks and it happens again, but this time he's a little more malicious in his "teasing". I had already changed my eating habits and had dropped a couple of pounds, but hadn't actually started training yet (the triathlon isn't until the end of June and it's my 4th one!) I got mad again and we had an even bigger blow-out. After he sobered up we talked again - see above paragraph. This time I decided that I would show him!!!
I signed up for the South Beach Diet. I have been very disciplined with it - not cheating, not even once! The instructions are to take it easy with physical activity the first week while your body adjusts, so I began waking up an hour earlier than usual to get used to waking up to work out before work. I lost 8.5 pounds that first week and have been feeling great! He seems very supportive and tells me how proud he is of me, how awesome I look, how he can tell I'm feeling better about myself, etc.
This morning he calls me before work - drunk again (although I didn't realize at first). After some good conversation he asks how my call with the South Beach Diet counselor went last night and I start telling him about how I was telling her I started training for my triathlons - and he busts out laughing. He starts mocking me, bringing up how I haven't trained all year even though I said I was going to. Saying that NOBODY is sick for 2 months so it was just another excuse, the flat tire on my bike and bad tube is just another excuse, on and on....I very calmly told him that we've discussed this before, and he needs to stop. He kept going - worse this time - laughing and ridiculing me. I firmly told him to stop, and that he was starting to cheese me off. He stopped for one second and the minute I opened my mouth to say that I've worked out 3 of the past 3 mornings - the first 3 after that first week on the diet - he just laughed and started in again! I hung up on him. I was so mad I was shaking. I haven't had someone upset me this much in a very long time, probably because I've been putting in a monumental effort to stick to this plan and it felt like to him it was just ridiculous.
That was my last straw.
Naturally the texts apologizing came flying - so I let him have it. I didn't hold back. I've been more than patient with him while still trying to maintain my boundaries and juggle the love triangle between him, me and the bottle. It made me feel like all of the hard work and discipline that I've been putting into it are a joke to him - that he doesn't respect me at all. I read some articles about whether drunk people tend to tell the truth when they're drunk because I just didn't want to actually believe that he truly sees something this important to me as a joke. Sadly, most of what I read just made it hurt that much more.
If you've made it this far into the post - thank you. I've decided to just walk away. We haven't been together long enough to justify me putting any more effort into someone that feels that way towards me, and either can't or won't respect me or the things that are important to me. I don't need him in my life and I deserve way better than that.
Just think - more time to train!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
You are making a very wise decision for yourself by letting go of this dating experience.
One of our best tools around here is by going no contact. Block him from texting or calling you, block him from social media and do not answer any calls from #’s you do not recognize.
No contact = no new hurts
One of our best tools around here is by going no contact. Block him from texting or calling you, block him from social media and do not answer any calls from #’s you do not recognize.
No contact = no new hurts
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: PRINCETON, TX
Posts: 113
Just curious, do you drink any at all? Are you a non-drinker? If you do not drink at all, why get mixed up with even a social drinker (do they exist?) Just curious but to compliment you I admire you for the running deal. I am so old and decrepit now that I can't even run to the john, let alone a block or two. Congrats on that part of your life for sure!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I've decided to just walk away. We haven't been together long enough to justify me putting any more effort into someone that feels that way towards me, and either can't or won't respect me or the things that are important to me. I don't need him in my life and I deserve way better than that.
Just think - more time to train!
Just think - more time to train!
What a smart girl you are! 
It's so good to read something like this here. You are so right, you don't need this goofball taking up your time and energy. Stand your ground and don't get sucked back into his BS. Good luck w/that tri. What distance(s) do you do?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Central O-H-I-O
Posts: 1,689
Originally Posted by golfreggie 
If you do not drink at all, why get mixed up with even a social drinker (do they exist?)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 21
honeypig - I just do the Sprint distances for now, but this year I'm doing 2 of them! My best friend is the same age as my mother and I'm still 40 pounds overweight...so we just do the Sprint distances for now!
golfreggie - I drink occasionally. I may have one or two drinks a month. I have a bit of the OCD and can't stand the feeling of not being "in control" of myself. I have a hard enough time with that filter between my brain and my mouth when I'm sober!!!
golfreggie - I drink occasionally. I may have one or two drinks a month. I have a bit of the OCD and can't stand the feeling of not being "in control" of myself. I have a hard enough time with that filter between my brain and my mouth when I'm sober!!!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Welcome to SR and really good for you for dropping him. This is definitely a good case for no contact here! Three strikes and you are out LOL
It seems like you have tons of positive things going on in your life, you don't need someone who will put you down and drag you down.
It seems like you have tons of positive things going on in your life, you don't need someone who will put you down and drag you down.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Don't say "just" sprint, Melly--you still have to be able to swim, run and bike to do "just" a sprint! I've done a couple sprints myself but I am a horribly slow swimmer (like last-one-out-of-the-water-slow). I know I could work on that, but since I don't really like to swim in the way I enjoy running or biking, I decided not to spend time on it and just do what's fun for me.
I wish you luck w/your weight loss, training and eventual races. I'm sure you're feeling lighter already, minus one rude and drunken BF, right?
I wish you luck w/your weight loss, training and eventual races. I'm sure you're feeling lighter already, minus one rude and drunken BF, right?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 199
Originally Posted by CentralOhioDad
Yep, they exist - I'm one and so are all my friends. The only Alkie in my life currently is my wife.
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