Rachelmsept1416

Hi I'm new but I needed some solid recovery advice. Ive been sober for 18 month tomorrow and am in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who is not an addict or alcoholic we have decided to move in together around june but he still smokes pot occasionally. He also drinks but usually a beer that he rarely finishes a few times a week. his drinking never bothers or triggers me but I HATE being around him high. He probably smokes pot 1 a week on a day off when Im not around. I talked to him about boundaries like no smoking in the house or if I tell you its not a good night to bring beer home then please dont. He felt like I was trying to take freedom away from him and it was kind of a stressful convo. I really want to move forward and live together but if I come home to a house that smells like pot, Im going to feel weird. If he is high I will likely be annoyed... Any advice or experience would def help!

Dee74

Welcome to SR

I think moving into a situation like this requires some thought. I've no doubt you can stay sober, but can you live in a situation like this and be happy?

D

Gottalife

I don't mind people drinking around me or in my home/boat. We carry a few drinks for guests. But I draw the line at pot smoking. An open bottle, the smell of booze cannot harm me, but there have been a gazillion warings about the dangers of second hand smoke. If it harmful material can get into recipients of second hand smoke, then what might I pick up from pot smoke.

I was dry a few months one time and took a single puff of weed. A drink was down my neck in seconds. The weed activated the phenomenon of craving, the obsession was already there and it was all over. A year of hell resulted.

I know how I would react in your situation, but I am not you.

doggonecarl

Forgive a question from an old-fashioned guy, but after you move in? Then what? Marriage? Is that where this committed relationship is heading?

I ask because if so, you'll be married to a guy that drinks occasionally, and smokes pot. Is this what you want from your spouse?

ChloeRose63

It seems you know what you don't want in your life. Don't compromise your standards. Stay true to yourself because your happiness matters.

golfreggie

I usually don't chime in on personal relationship issues, but since sobriety is an aspect of it, I will do so. In my mind it would be a question. "Is this relationship adding to, subtracting from, or having no affect on my sobriety and personal growth?" Hope that is food for thought.

Starsabove32

One thing I would say to be mindful of is that the pot smoking could be much more frequent than you are aware of. Be careful it's not a constant when you're not around. People have a tendency to downplay things. Unfortunately I learnt this the hard way.

Good luck