craftshley

I've been struggling with my mom for a while now. She's been an alcoholic my whole life (I just turned 26) and I am done with trying to help her recover. She got sober for a brief period when I was in high school, about ten years ago, and remained sober for several years. When we moved down to Texas while I was in college, she began drinking again. This was about seven years ago. I have since graduated college, and moved back home after.

Her drinking got progressively worse over the last two years, even more so after it caused her to lose her job back before Christmas 2017. She stayed in bed drinking for almost two months before she fell and hurt herself getting to the bathroom back in January. Since then, she has been to the ER probably almost 20 times, for various falls and to get help going through withdrawal (she doesn't have insurance). Over this period of time, I called various rehab facilities in the area, talked with a couple people in AA who were amazingly helpful in trying to get my mom the help she needed, attempted to arrange funding for a stay in rehab, helping my mom to the bathroom and making sure she ate. But you can't help someone who says that they just want to go home every time you try to get them into rehab, when doctors have to listen to this and let her go home. After getting her sober, every doctor determined that she was safe to go home. Even trying to get her put on a 72 hour hold for her safety, and to get sober, didn't help since the doctors determined that she wasn't suicidal or didn't want to hurt herself. Even though she can't walk by herself and tries to get up to go buy more alcohol and even though she has proven that she will continue to drink regardless, and even though they told her that she will die if she keeps drinking... It still doesn't count as her deliberately hurting herself.

I stayed with her through this and it seemed like she was going to recover and stay sober about a month ago. Then she relapsed and got in a car accident, of which she was at fault though she was not drinking at the time. Then, about two weeks ago, after yet another trip to the ER for withdrawal symptoms, she stayed sober for about 12 hours before driving to get more alcohol. In the days before this, I was beginning to move my things to a storage unit for organizational purposes, since my roommate has a job where we want to move and it seemed like it would be a good time to move soon. I had intended to put off moving while my mom recovered and got sober again but her deciding to drink regardless of my support pushed me to take the final step and leave. I haven't been back since and am staying in a hotel out of town so I can keep working. I don't feel safe there at all. I lost a ton of weight over the last month and a half I was living there from being so anxious I couldn't eat or sleep from fear of her hurting herself while she was drunk, which is all the time.

Anyway, TLDR, I am now trying to get out of my lease. Since my mom lost her job three months ago, I am the only one paying rent on our expensive $900 a month apartment. I want to leave. I don't want to get her off the lease. I am willing to pay a fee or whatnot to be released from the lease so I can maintain a good rental history. I want her to have a chance to get better, I really do. But I can no longer sacrifice my life for someone who doesn't want to get help.

I have emailed my landlord with a request to be released from the lease and to set up a meeting to talk in person, as he wasn't answering the office phone earlier today. He doesn't know much of this (yet), though I have said that my mom and I are no longer on good terms. I am hesitant about telling him what is going on because I don't want my mom to be homeless and I don't want an eviction on my record. I can prove that she lost her job and that I've been the one paying rent, so I might have a case to get her off the lease and then pay to get myself off the lease. I've never had an apartment anywhere else and I don't want to jeopardize my chances of getting an apartment now or in the future. We have an apartment lined up if I can get released from this lease so time is of the essence as well.

So...advice? What can I do to get out of the lease? How upfront and honest should I be right off with my landlord? Should I tell him everything? Keep it vague to start and see if I can get out of the lease without jeopardizing my mom's chances at keeping the apartment? So far I've taken this approach, as I sent an email with intent to vacate and an invitation to set up a meeting this week.

biminiblue

Every state has different landlord tenant laws, you can Google the ones for your state.

I'm not sure anyone here will be much help, the laws are well-written on leases.

I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation and I hope it all turns out relatively painlessly financially.

Bernadette

craftshley,
I hope you get some feedback from your landlord soon, it's very stressful to be in limbo and your landlord has the most information about how this will go.

It's tough to know how much you should reveal. Sometimes when I have revealed the reason for my stress or my brother's behavior I find out that the person I am talking to has been through what I've been through and is very understanding. Landlords aren't always known for being flexible - so go slow and trust your gut.

I just want to commend you on your clear thinking. Making moves to protect yourself and let your Mother live with her choices is really so difficult and I admire you for it.

Stay courageous!
Peace,
B.

craftshley

Thanks for your reply and well wishes. I've looked into the laws and can find hardly anything about if one of the current tenants wants to stay on the lease. I saw a similar post from someone about eight years ago and was hoping that others had similar experiences and would be willing to share their experiences or advice. It worked out positively for them and I hope it will for me too.

Maudcat

Hi, craftshley.
Welcome.
I don’t know much about leases, so can’t really bring anything to the table.
Like to say, though, that I applaud your desire to move out and on your own, away from mom.
Brave move.
I understand your concern.
You want to be taken off the lease, but don’t want your mother to be evicted or have an eviction on your record.
I would simply tell the landlord that you and mom are parting ways and you would like to come off the lease, without going into a lot of detail.
I have a feeling this will be possible, but it may cost you something.
Good luck.

dandylion

Have you thought of talking to a lawyer...? Your questions could probably be answered in one session, I imagine....

Ileana

Every state is different. My daughter just went through this. She was on a lease with her abusive boyfriend (father to her child). He was fired for the umpteenth time leaving her to pay the rent solo for months. She finally had enough.

She emailed the landlord and explained the situation. They told her that legally the only thing that would get her off the lease was a PFA (protection from abuse) court order. If she got one they would take him off the lease.

She finally got the courage to leave and move in with me. That night he destroyed the apartment. He then found another woman willing to support him and he left with no forwarding address and not giving a **** about his child. My daughter was left with the total rent payments for the remainder of the lease AND also owed over $2000 for all the damage he did.

The landlord was actually nicer than he had to be, he didn't demand all the money at once. He agreed to $100 a month for, well forever (I think 3 or 4 years). The bf got off scott free. Does it Suck? You bet it does. But whenever she start getting upset about say "he is out of your life. You are safe. You are alive. Screw the money. "

My daughter was told that she could sue him in civil court for 1/2 of the rent and all of the damage (if she could prove he did it). BUT...she needs his address to sue and she has no idea where he is.


Go to your landlord and explain.

53500

craftshley, as others have said every state and sometimes even cities have their own landlord/tenant laws.

But I hate to tell you, as a landlady, I would not let the working tenant off the lease, leaving the rent to be paid by the unemployed tenant! How is your mom supposed to pay it? The landlord's expenses-the mortgage, HOA fees, property taxes, whatever - don't go away.

Now, if I was the landlord and could re-rent the place I'd let you out of the lease early. But with your mom there that's impossible.

This is not a bad approach as it allows your landlord to re-rent the property. But then where does your mother go? Not that you have to answer that.

You are wise to not screw up your rental history or put yourself in the position of being evicted. An eviction on someone's record is a dealpoint to most landlords.

You're in a tough spot and I hope you find a solution.

Spence7471

As a landlord, this would be my take on the situation...

I would not permit one person off the lease without that person being able to demonstrate that the remaining tenant(s) could pay the rent and were all on the lease.

However, I would be open to an early termination of the lease for a fee... typically 2 months rent beyond the last date of occupancy. That would require all tenants to vacate on that day. Damage deposit would be held until the apartment was refreshed.. all refreshing costs would come out of the deposit. That approach allows me time to flip the apartment and find new tenants. Note that depending on the time of year, the release fee may be 3 months as winter is harder to find someone to rent than in the summer.

Now by law, you can break the lease and leave... but you are on the hook for the remaining rent till lease termination or till the landlord re-lets the apartment. The law says the landlord must make attempts to re-let the apartment, but there is no requirement that he do so at the expense of other empty units. That is to say, that if he has 5 other empty units that are all the same, he does not have to rent yours first to the next qualified tenant.

Learning14

And most will give you a free consultation, if you ask.

Learning14

THIS

I would NOT tell the landlord anything other than, "I am trying to relocate for work and I need to get off of the lease."

PERIOD.

Spence7471

Honesty is the best policy.. and statements like above may or not work. As a landlord, I would be more sympathetic to someone wanting to get out of a bad situation, but if you were honest with it, I would insist that would have to remove your mother also; as a landlord, I would not want an alcoholic as the sole tenant. Also, as a landlord, it might be to my benefit to get you both out of the unit early as I know what messes alcoholics/addicts can do to a place in short order. So it could go either way.

If you are concerned, talk to a lawyer, but most will not be of much help here as the decision is yours, and you have signed a contract and are legally bound by it. Even a graceful early termination could result in poor reference from that landlord in the future. If i were that landlord and contacted for a reference, I would tell them that the lease was broken early, but that you were in good standing at the time of departure and made reparations accordingly.

Spence7471

Oh, and one other sticky point for you... if you are both on the lease, your mom would also have to agree to want to break the lease for you both to be able to leave without adverse affects.

Learning14

I'm not saying to do anything underhanded, but sometimes giving too much information can be harmful.

As my mom would say, "You don't have to tell everything you know."

Ladysadie

Some good advice here.

Just for me, I believe in being forthcoming about the situation for the simple reason that your landlord may have a heart and give you a break. If your mother is not able to swing the rent financially, it may come back to bite you both in the butt.

If you owe a buyout of your lease for two or three months rent, that would be your bottom line anyway (with your mother's job loss). She will, absolutely, need to relocate if she were not able to pay the full rent. Better to be armed with a plan than not. Maybe the landlord will be too happy to let you both leave, given today's tight rental market (in most places).

hopeful4

I think it depends on your next steps. Can you stay true to yourself when your mom gets evicted? I myself would have a list of the shelters and any free rehabs for her to reach out to when she is evicted.

I think it's great you are standing your ground. You deserve a life outside of this. Just like the doctors, if she does not want to help herself, you cannot make her.

I would speak to an attorney, and I would give some limited info to landlord and pray they are kind.

Hawkeye13

It sounds like you know perfectly well she will be evicted.
What about getting out the lease all together?
Even if the landlord gets "stuck" with her,
he may still file a negative credit report on you since he will know
that you were aware of her lack of employment and alcoholism.

By the way, as a former landlord myself, I would not let someone off the lease
unless I had a good credit rating report, etc. on the remaining person.
If it was your credit that got the apartment, you may just have to let the lease
run out or be honest with the landlord and ask him to evict her.

MCESaint

Use Google and search for an attorney near your apartment/house who is licensed in the state where you live.

Ask if the lawyer handles consumer landord/tenant cases.

If yes, then . . .

Ask if they have a charge for an initial case review or consultation - most lawyers do NOT charge for an initial case review or consultation, but some will charge something nominal ($50 or $75) just to keep the "lookie, kookie loos" to minimum. If they DO charge a fee for the initial consult, many will also CREDIT that money to your bill IF you end up hiring them.

If they charge a fee and you do NOT want to pay it, keep looking until you find a qualified attorney who does not charge for the initial consultation and, then, . . .

*Make an appointment* to speak to the attorney.

Bring your written lease agreement (if you have one) to that initial meeting.

MCE Saint

53500

As a landlady I totally agree with this. I'd let someone end a lease early but not at a loss to me.

Spence brings up a very good point about future landlords calling for references.

HardLessons

Lets look at this from a practical standpoint

You & your mother both signed a lease. You have been paying the $900 per month rent.

The living situation with your mother became untenable for you. You took your things & moved into a hotel. From there you are relocating to a new area with a new roommate.

You notified the landlord you have vacated the premises & wish to be removed from the lease.

Your mother lost her job & cant pay the rent? But she still lives there.

How much time is left on the lease?

Whose name are the utilities in & are they being paid monthly? If not they will get shut off.

For the landlord this is simply a money problem to early terminate this lease. How much money I don't know depends on how many months left on the lease & whether or not he is holding a security deposit. It just a matter of how much.

For your mother, since she cant pay rent & will be evicted she will have to move out.