wildflower70

Hey there,

I have been on SR for a few years trying to stay sober. I am proud to say I am now 5+ weeks clean. Truthfully I have left the regular forum in the past due to the overwhelming amount of AA posters, and the thought process that AA is the only way.....I know better.

I had 8 months sober when I first started in 2015, and I'm on my way again. Just looking for support from those who believe there are alternatives to AA. Looking for options.

Thanks!

Fusion

Hi Wildflower, welcome to the Secular forum! Congratulations on 5 weeks, that’s awesome!

There are many alternatives to AA, this SR site is testamount to that statement, just look at the amazing people who no longer drink and have improved their lives, to include moderators and greeters, without using AA, so you are not alone!

I suffered terribly in AA with my first sponsor, until my last one.....who left AA at the same time as me; she had 30 years of ODAAT, a life sentence, I suppose. We’re still in touch and despite the dire predictions she was given, she didn’t end up in jail, institutions or death!

I’m glad you’re here Wildflower and once again, well done .

GerandTwine

You are now at a good point to consider:

Would you like to incorporate ideas and ways of living from programs of abstinence that have conditions? ... that establish ways of thinking and living for you that go beyond just not drinking?

Or would you like to decide to become permanently abstinent with no further conditions on staying that way, and consider a simple thought sorting technique on how to dismiss your residual desire to drink? ... and decide how you want to live your life completely on your own terms, not some program’s terms or philosophy?

wildflower70

Thank you for your responses tatsy and GT.

I have read through the AVRT website, and it really resonated with me. It is what I used to get my first 8 months of sobriety a few years back. I thought I was done for good. I slipped up when I went on a date and he ordered a drink, I did too.....and have spent the last few years fighting my way back.

My point is, I am now learning to walk away from triggers and people who don't support my sobriety. For me, this means no dating or visiting family for awhile, maybe a long time. Does AVRT suggest that we stay away from triggers, or just work on quieting the beast?

Thanks for listening...

GerandTwine

There are good reasons not to waste time hanging around other people who are alcohol dependent, but even if you did hang around it doesn’t mean you are powerless against having something to drink.

AVRT points out that the human mind is not as simple as a gun, and cannot be “triggered” to do anything with its voluntary musculature that it doesn’t deliberately and contemplatively choose to do - even if that mind has not made a Big Plan yet.

And there’s no good reason to tiptoe through life in order to “quiet the Beast”. In fact, when you become seasoned at “shifting” back and forth between you and your Addictive Voice, you will see that your going on dates will not be a threat of further drinking.

In my mind there is no good reason, ever, to hide the fact from other people that “I don’t want a drink with alcohol in it right now.” If they want to know more, it’s no sweat to figure out what to say or not say. In fact, drinkers are always at the mercy of non-drinkers in regards to who can easily take the upper hand in a discussion about the importance, or lack thereof, of drinking alcohol.

I imagine you had a very nice time on that date a few years ago when you decided to take up drinking alcohol again. You’re not alone, millions of people who know they’d be better off never drinking again get re-seduced into that deep pleasure every day. I’m sorry it got worse again, though.

For my last years of drinking, when I had a few drinks, my plan to stop after two evaporated into thin air. The 2 drink plan sounded absolutely stupid to the buzzed me and the buzzed me also felt my savvy intelligence could handle whatever kind of trouble a bender might cause. MMmmm! It was soooo worth it.

Anyway, from reading your two posts here, it appears you could gain from reading/rereading the book “Rational Recovery, The New Cure.” By Jack Trimpey. There are so many unnecessary beliefs out there in recovery lifestyle land, and this book explains them all away.

And the ultimate, free, lifetime insurance policy against ever having a problem from drinking is, of course, the Big Plan. You can only do it once in your life, and it takes less than a minute to do.

andyh

welcome wildflower & congratulations on your five weeks!

there are now plenty of recovery paths based on rationality, evidence & self-empowerment so I hope you can find something that suits you. AVRT is very popular in this corner of the forum, but have a look at SMART, SOS, LifeRing, etc. too.

MesaMan

.
Greetings & Welcome, Wildflower!

Clearly, you're trusting your Inner Sense. That's huge. Doing just that kept me on track, and going, in the early times. To not do that is kinda alien to me. Any of us can dig down, and intuit what The Right Thing is re: getting and remaining what I call Effortlessly Sober.

As my Post Count suggests, I spent LOTS of time here on SR, and in this Secular Forum. I could log in on my Phone while in line at the Supermarket. Or, late at Night. The Ultimate Meeting, so to speak: support when I needed it, and on my terms. I'm in a Rural area, and am a bit of an Introvert. So, getting support in hit & run bits works best for me. Other Strategies are actually de-energizing to us mild Introverts.

Part of learning - in all sorts of things - includes getting experience in what not to do. You've done so, too, and now you're *back*. If millions like a mass-produced Hamburger, but I don't, what do I care about 'popularity', or mass acceptance, eh? Think for yourself.

Sobriety really started to click with me about 3 Months in. To this Day, I still randomly tackle Social situations. Like, a Wedding Reception of 30-somethings I've *got* to attend this July. So, I plot my Escape Route in advance for when situations get disinteresting. I turn down plenty of booze-oriented Scenarios because I'm too easily bored by such mindlessness. Either I'm gonna run my Life, or others are. A simple choice...

Soldier on, and make this new Life you've chosen your Baseline way of living. Soon enough, there will no turning back for ya as Sobriety becomes your New Normal! You're the only Person that Sobriety has to work for.
.

tursiops999

Welcome, wildflower! You'll find support here, and a lot of good information. Keep looking until you find the thing(s) that make sense to you. Thoughts of drinking may quiet down, but may never completely disappear. That needn't be a problem. I didn't learn to quiet my beast, so much as to put it in its proper place -- to understand it has no real power.

Glad you're here.

wildflower70

Thanks everyone for the warm welcome!

I have only had one bad craving in the past 5 1/2 weeks, and I recognized that I was experiencing HALT. The craving subsided as I tended to my immediate needs. I am seriously just done with booze. I've been there and done that for many years and now I wan't to see how amazing life can be...without the worries, drama, guilt and shame that comes with using.
I am worth so much more....


Happy sober Monday!

freshstart57

Next time you experience a craving, step back from it, and give it a good hard look. Experience it. Understand it for what it is, your old habituation to alcohol intruding into your conscious.

Now, think about what power this craving has. Can it make you stand up if you choose to sit? Can it make you enter a store if you choose to walk by? Can it make you pour an intoxicant into your mouth and drink it if you have chosen, for good, to never drink again?

The craving will pass, but that is beside the point. Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, your AV is powerless over you and your actions. You can meet your AV, and point and laugh. Totally pathetic is what it is.

You hit on the real meat of the matter there, Wildflower 70. You deserve a life without addiction and depression, without the shame and remorse that goes along with alcohol. Even if life is not amazing without alcohol all the time, YOU will be amazing without it because you will be real and authentic. You never need question your decision to live life on your terms because any doubt or indecision is not from you, but from your AV.

You got this one, WF70. Now, Onward!

AlericB

Welcome wildflower!

Jewel72

Help. I thought I had this. But I have slipped up a few times. How do I make this way of thinking stick. How do you all get to the place where you truly never change your mind. I believe this is the best approach for me, and I thought I had it. I guess I entertained the thought to drink and that was my slip up. Really want to kill the beast/addiction.

Sohard

Quitnow- I recommend starting a new thread here in Secular Forum so that others (who might not open this older thread) will see and respond to your question. Good luck!