Readygo

I’m sitting here back to defending that I have an issue, that I can’t stop at one or 2 when I drink, that I have grown to love it so much but wake every morning the next day wishing I could stop. I have no words to describe exactly how I feel. My husband is trying to convince me that if I take a year off my mentality will change, that if we just don’t have it in the house I could go out and have a few and then come home and be done (and be okay with that). He said that I seem to be having no issues giving up so that means something??

He actually said in so many words I don’t need to assume I have an issue because someone in my family has one. Shouldn’t that make me need to be more careful??

I have felt kind of lonely the last few weeks on and off because I can’t relate to my husband with so much that is going on in my head. Half the time I try to talk about it we get inturrupted with kids, works stuff, or that we have a few things going on.

I want to keep defending but I worry that as time goes on I’ll start to believe him. I know I’m a days time mentality can change toward drinking. Example-wakin up knowing I want to not drink but by evening somehow thinking it’s okay to.

Anyway, thanks for reading. It always seems to help writing it to a community that gets it.

LBrain

I, as I'm sure as with others, have quit drinking at least 1000 times over the years. It was easy. Then I'd drink again the next day and quit all over again. Many people quit for 30 days, six months and a year just to prove it to themselves they can quit. Then they go back to drinking, and usually it gets worse every time.

People seem to forget the WHY when they decide to drink again. If something was so bad or caused you so much anguish that you needed to stop doing it, what makes us think it won't be any different the next time?

I always try to remind people that. Why did you want to quit in the first place? Never forget that and by all sense of reasoning, you'll never want to start again.

As for taking our drinking to 'other' places, I can assure you that it won't work. Just as drinking beer instead of whiskey doesn't work either.

LBrain

Oh, and for a "person" being an AV. No dear, the voice you hear inside your head is just you. Outside influences may help your AV to persuade you, but it's all in your head. It is bad enough to be battling that AV without it getting help from someone close to you. Your best best is to try to educate your significant other on the realities of addiction. Most can't comprehend, but we must do our best to get them on board.

biminiblue

That's why we're here, we don't doubt you when you say you need to stop.

No one likes labels, and I'm sure your husband would prefer it if you just didn't have a problem and drank one or two and then stopped. Then his wife isn't an alcoholic. Doesn't have a "drinking problem."

Maybe just don't engage in conversation about it right now if it's annoying. Just keep declining drinks and eventually he'll stop.

It doesn't have to be a big thing or a big discussion right now. I think I would just shrug off his ignorance, "I don't really want to discuss it right now. Maybe we can agree to disagree."

I'm sure there are other issues you two disagree on or on which he's wrong.

wayforward

To answer the thread title - absolutely. People have their own AV's and give voice to those AV's.

But in general I can relate to your situation. Many really don't understand alcoholism or take it too seriously. It's really on you to be stern about certain limits and triggers.

Forward12

It is pretty much human nature to confide in those closest to us, but when it comes to alcoholism, only another alcoholic can understand.
Having a solid support system is very important, I would start going to AA or perhaps an addiction therapist. The people there will understand and be significantly more beneficial.

SparkleKitty

It isn't just a choice between defending yourself or giving in. You can also simply refuse to discuss it any longer, and when he tries to, walk away. It's obvious he doesn't understand, and cannot be counted on for support. While that is unfortunate, it doesn't have to be a death sentence to your recovery.

entropy1964

No external pressures are not AV. In the case of your husband? That is enabling. My late husband would have enabled me into an early grave if I let him. But that is on me. I am a separate person. I decide what I drink or don't drink.

Crazy isn't it? Its a class one carcinogen. Its a powerful neuro-toxin. And we have to defend WHY we DON'T want to put it in our bodies. It is absolute insanity. Maybe I should just take up eating asbestos! haha

Anna

My advice is to focus on what you know to be true. Accept that your husband doesn't understand alcoholism. Whatever his motivation is, for believing that you will be able to drink normally again, you know that you can't. And, that's what matters.

DontRemember

Me, being me, would go out to "have some drinks" with whomever told me they thought that about ME...Then we'd wake up in a foreign country or jail and say; "see... told ya!" That's a joke(kinda),but 'normies' don't have the obsessive cyclone thinking about drinking that we do..they really don't understand it. That's why recovery support is so important. There's also no need to really try and explain it to them. Just focus on your recovery and eventually you'll just be a 'normal' non-drinker to them.

Dee74

sometimes the people closest to us cannot understand alcoholism/addiction.
Its simply not within their sphere of experience.

That why we have places like SR

Your husband is not your AV but, like Frick says, he may have been your (well meaning) enabler when you were drinking?

D