First time ever posting...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
First time ever posting...
Beware this is long:
I’ve never written on a forum before, I’ve never actually publically displayed my personal life or problems before either lol. I guess it’s a little easier because I’m not using my real name and people that respond are responding out of genuine care. My boyfriend is an addict. Yep I know. “Get out, leave him now, blah blah blah” all things that I’m aware of and honestly am getting ready to do! But I want to tell the story because it’s actually kinda interesting. So we meet, out at a club and I see him at first and say “oh **** that’s ______” (I knew him from years prior but hadn’t seen him in about 5 years) at this point I could care less because this guy that I liked was there also. After a few drinks I decide to approach ______ just to make the guy I like jealous. We start talking and I’m so drunk that I’m barely listening to what he’s saying and instead fixated on whether the guy I liked was watching and getting jealous. Stupid. I know. But I’m 24 I guess these are the games we play. Leaving, I give _______ my phone number on the way out. Days go by and I completely forget that I gave it to him. He texts me and I’m like what the hell? I don’t remember giving him my number. We end up texting all night that night and he asks to take me out that weekend. What do you know, I give in. We go out and IMMEDIATELY HIT IT OFF. We hung out the next day and the next day and the next day. Then bam he tells me he has to go away on work for a few months and still wants to date. I agree and we literally decide to carry on the next 4 months long distance with the exception of him flying me there and coming home every month. 2 weeks go by and we’ve now spent every single day and night on the phone for hours on hours literally close to 6 hours a day talking on the phone. He comes home only so that I’d feel comfortable flying back with him and not alone. That day I noticed something about him. Couldn’t put my finger on it until that night.... that night when we went out for icecream and he literally starting nodding off on the bench while we ate our icecream!!!!!!! Now mind you, my first bf because a drug addict half way into our relationship I was with him from age 17-19 about almost 20 and I eventually got fed up and left him. So imagine what went through my mind when I noticed ______ nodding off. On that ride home I confronted him and asked him if he was on drugs. He obviously replied, no way! But something told me not to believe it. That next day I was supposed to be packing to leave with him the following day to go back to where he was working. The entire next day I knew it in my core that this guy is on drugs , I just didn’t know which. Also told myself maybe he took a Xanax and the red eye flight messed him up. But again, no matter how tired someone is, you don’t just nod off in the middle of eating your icecream.... so that evening I go to his house and I’m supposed to have my bags packed but instead I asked him to sit down and addressed the issue again. I told him I knew something was going on and if he didn’t tell me I would not leave with him. Of course feeling on the defense he denied it with his legs and arms crossed but I knew. I told him I was lookin into his eyes and I KNEW he was on drugs. I left. A few hours later he asked me that if he told me the truth if I would consider going
I’ve never written on a forum before, I’ve never actually publically displayed my personal life or problems before either lol. I guess it’s a little easier because I’m not using my real name and people that respond are responding out of genuine care. My boyfriend is an addict. Yep I know. “Get out, leave him now, blah blah blah” all things that I’m aware of and honestly am getting ready to do! But I want to tell the story because it’s actually kinda interesting. So we meet, out at a club and I see him at first and say “oh **** that’s ______” (I knew him from years prior but hadn’t seen him in about 5 years) at this point I could care less because this guy that I liked was there also. After a few drinks I decide to approach ______ just to make the guy I like jealous. We start talking and I’m so drunk that I’m barely listening to what he’s saying and instead fixated on whether the guy I liked was watching and getting jealous. Stupid. I know. But I’m 24 I guess these are the games we play. Leaving, I give _______ my phone number on the way out. Days go by and I completely forget that I gave it to him. He texts me and I’m like what the hell? I don’t remember giving him my number. We end up texting all night that night and he asks to take me out that weekend. What do you know, I give in. We go out and IMMEDIATELY HIT IT OFF. We hung out the next day and the next day and the next day. Then bam he tells me he has to go away on work for a few months and still wants to date. I agree and we literally decide to carry on the next 4 months long distance with the exception of him flying me there and coming home every month. 2 weeks go by and we’ve now spent every single day and night on the phone for hours on hours literally close to 6 hours a day talking on the phone. He comes home only so that I’d feel comfortable flying back with him and not alone. That day I noticed something about him. Couldn’t put my finger on it until that night.... that night when we went out for icecream and he literally starting nodding off on the bench while we ate our icecream!!!!!!! Now mind you, my first bf because a drug addict half way into our relationship I was with him from age 17-19 about almost 20 and I eventually got fed up and left him. So imagine what went through my mind when I noticed ______ nodding off. On that ride home I confronted him and asked him if he was on drugs. He obviously replied, no way! But something told me not to believe it. That next day I was supposed to be packing to leave with him the following day to go back to where he was working. The entire next day I knew it in my core that this guy is on drugs , I just didn’t know which. Also told myself maybe he took a Xanax and the red eye flight messed him up. But again, no matter how tired someone is, you don’t just nod off in the middle of eating your icecream.... so that evening I go to his house and I’m supposed to have my bags packed but instead I asked him to sit down and addressed the issue again. I told him I knew something was going on and if he didn’t tell me I would not leave with him. Of course feeling on the defense he denied it with his legs and arms crossed but I knew. I told him I was lookin into his eyes and I KNEW he was on drugs. I left. A few hours later he asked me that if he told me the truth if I would consider going
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
First time ever posting...
Beware this is long:
I’ve never written on a forum before, I’ve never actually publically displayed my personal life or problems before either lol. I guess it’s a little easier because I’m not using my real name and people that respond are responding out of genuine care. My boyfriend is an addict. Yep I know. “Get out, leave him now, blah blah blah” all things that I’m aware of and honestly am getting ready to do! But I want to tell the story because it’s actually kinda interesting. So we meet, out at a club and I see him at first and say “oh **** that’s ______” (I knew him from years prior but hadn’t seen him in about 5 years) at this point I could care less because this guy that I liked was there also. After a few drinks I decide to approach ______ just to make the guy I like jealous. We start talking and I’m so drunk that I’m barely listening to what he’s saying and instead fixated on whether the guy I liked was watching and getting jealous. Stupid. I know. But I’m 25 I guess these are the games we play. Leaving, I give _______ my phone number on the way out. Days go by and I completely forget that I gave it to him. He texts me and I’m like what the hell? I don’t remember giving him my number. We end up texting all night that night and he asks to take me out that weekend. What do you know, I give in. We go out and IMMEDIATELY HIT IT OFF. We hung out the next day and the next day and the next day. Then bam he tells me he has to go away on work for a few months and still wants to date. I agree and we literally decide to carry on the next 4 months long distance with the exception of him flying me there and coming home every month. 2 weeks go by and we’ve now spent every single day and night on the phone for hours on hours literally close to 6 hours a day talking on the phone. He comes home only so that I’d feel comfortable flying back with him and not alone. That day I noticed something about him. Couldn’t put my finger on it until that night.... that night when we went out for icecream and he literally starting nodding off on the bench while we ate our icecream!!!!!!! Now mind you, my first bf because a drug addict half way into our relationship I was with him from age 17-19 about almost 20 and I eventually got fed up and left him. So imagine what went through my mind when I noticed ______ nodding off. On that ride home I confronted him and asked him if he was on drugs. He obviously replied, no way! But something told me not to believe it. That next day I was supposed to be packing to leave with him the following day to go back to where he was working. The entire next day I knew it in my core that this guy is on drugs , I just didn’t know which. Also told myself maybe he took a Xanax and the red eye flight messed him up. But again, no matter how tired someone is, you don’t just nod off in the middle of eating your icecream.... so that evening I go to his house and I’m supposed to have my bags packed but instead I asked him to sit down and addressed the issue again. I told him I knew something was going on and if he didn’t tell me I would not leave with him. Of course feeling on the defense he denied it with his legs and arms crossed but I knew. I told him I was lookin into his eyes and I KNEW he was on drugs. I left. A few hours later he asked me that if he told me the truth if I would consider going with him. I told him I would and he called me and told me. He’s been on drugs for about 3 years. He is 33. The first year and a half were pills because he had surgery and the rest of the time has been heroin. He felt so uncomfortable telling me the truth that he immediately hungup and said he couldn’t talk about it anymore and he was getting sick to his stomach. Obviously I told him it was ok and that I’d be here for him because I’m
Not one to kick someone while they’re down and I agreed to go on the travel with him. The entire time he was away on work I did not nag him about it he wanted to come home and get clean himself. He found the detox center himself, he found out about vivitrol himself. As a long distance partner I just remained supportive. (The first month I was an annoying nag I cried every other night on the phone and asked a lot of annoying questions but then I realized it wasn’t the right thing to do) So about 2 1/2 years ago everyone knew he was taking Oxys and everyone hounded him to get clean. He detoxed for about 5 days and went back to using. He convinced all of his friends and family that he’d stopped and can you believe it? He tricked them. He’s a grown man he lives alone no one is there to check up on him and bust him. Just me. Now get this, not a soul on this planet knows or even can tell that he’s using!!!!! Not his parents, not my family, not our friends. I couldn’t even tell until he had one bad incident!!!! Granted I’ve been around him a lot now so those incidents have happened probably a total of 3 times. No addict ever has their addiction under control but I’ll tell you this much. He does a damn good job at controlling it or pretending to control it what have you. It is 100% a full time job. I mean the guy is super regimented and has a full blown routine from his coffee in the morning to the time he’s at the gym working out to the time he flosses his teeth to the time he’s in bed. He is literally 90x more responsible than I’ll ever be. He even uses his drugs in ROUTINE. A certain amount of hours have to go by before he can use again and it’s practicallt the same hours every single day. I have never met or even heard of an addict like that. I think that’s scarier because do people like that ever hit rock bottom? It’s like they use responsibly and if no one can tell and you’re still able to get work done to make money, how are you ever held accountable for your drug use until you one day just die? He has enough money to maintain his habit so that’s not an issue. He’s SUPER driven and career focused so what the **** HOW DOES A PERSON LIKE THAT EVER QUIT DRUGS? If everything is going well in your life what use is there to quit for a man like that? Anyway. Fast forward, he comes home we put him into detox... 2 days goes by and I get a phone call to come get him. He says he can’t do it and to break up with him if I have to. Claims the place is dirty and that’s it’s just a business. They give him 10mg of methodone 8 am and 8pm and that other people are getting 8x that and are actually high and nodding out from the high doses of methodone and it isn’t the environment for him to get clean. With 0$ in his pocket and no phone of course I go pick him up I cant leave him in the street with nothing. So he’s rushing me and rushing me to drive faster to get home because he hasn’t showered and is dying to use his own shower(yea right). Tell me why he miraculously takes a shower and feels like gold? Aren’t you supposed to be withdrawing? Couldn’t catch him that night but I caught him the next morning. Before detox he said he was sniffing 20 bags a day (oh yea he only sniffs he’s never touched a vein but I’m sure it would get to that point even though he says it never will because he can afford to buy bags and sniff) after detox he is at about 10 bags a day. I catch him and he says I promise I’m going to get clean I’m going to get the script for the methodone and I want us to do this in the comfort of my own home with you monitoring me. Basically after weeks and weeks of me nagging and us fighting about it. I went through his things the other day, of course upon 300 bags of heroin, I found the bottle of methodone. I questioned him about when he was getting the methodone again and he said “in about a week and I’ll get rid of all the heroin” then I tell him I know he has the methodone and he said “I’m just not ready right now I have too much stress with work and it’s a bad time to just up and quit drugs. I need it to be a simpler time so that I can focus on the recovery, the crutch helps me deal with work stress” fast forward a day.... guess what happens next!!!!!!!! I’m ******* PREGNANT. You can now imagine we’ve been none stop fighting the past 4 days. He thinks I should abort AS DO I OBVIOUSLY. But told me we should take the week or 2 weeks to think about it and see what we really want. He’s scared to be a junkie father and I myself do not want a junkie husband or father that’s me assuming he never gets it together and him fearing he’ll keep trying and failing at recovery or not be strong enough to let go for good. Now let me say this. My minds made up I need an abortion I’m way too stressed and I’ve been way to helpful and supportive and this is something he needs to figure out on his own. While I say that I also want to mention I’ve dated a lot of people and been in 2 long term relationships. He is the best guy I have ever dated. He is seriously wonderful to me. He always makes sure I’m taken care and he doesn’t let his addiction come between the man or boyfriend he can be. Addicts are selfish people of course but besides the addiction nothing about him is selfish in our relationship he is always nice and respectful of me. He is a really really good guy. I mean he actually makes me want to be better. He motivates me and pushes me when I’m feeling lazy or what have you. He helps me study etc. he is all about helping me accomplish my goals. Never thought I could say that about a drug addict. Ending things with him would definitely result in me facing a loss, drugs or not. Unfortunately I cannot deal with a drug addict. I need to think of myself and knowing myself I’ll get fed up in a couple of years and leave this situation anyway. I know how lucky he feels to have me in his life and how appreciaitive he feels because of my support but .... he’s got to completely change or I want no part of it. I feel bad because if it weren’t for me he’d have no desire for change. No one knows of his addiction. NO ONE. So no one cares to tell him to change his habits. No one really cares and that sucks for him because he’s too ashamed about it to confide in anyone else about it besides me. Well as of right now, I walked out of his house 2 nights ago bc I was pissed about the fighting. Of course it made him upset but he’s stubborn and holds a grudge. We spoke earlier today and said we needed to think about what we want to do in regards to the abortion or keeping the baby and we needed a few days of Seperation to think bc we’ve been up each others ass and not leaving eachothers side since he’s gotten back. I practically live there. Honestly he hasn’t reached out after that but I blocked him on my phone because I am beyond annoyed with him using me walking out as a defense mechanism to make this an issue with ME instead of the real issue being him and his addiction. He’s trying to manipulate it so that the topic is off of him and his problem. Too bad. I blocked him he can try to contact me then see he’s just ruining his own life. We still have to get the abortion and my birthday is in 6 days he’ll have to figure out a way to get in touch. Please don’t feel bad for me, I knew what I was getting into I was clearly blinded by love and our connection and I guess I didn’t want to believe then problem was that bad. I was naive bc I met a really wonderful guy and I just wanted to support him through his issue because as he always says, “we’ll get through this together don’t worry.” Sorry it’s so long! Thank you for reading
I’ve never written on a forum before, I’ve never actually publically displayed my personal life or problems before either lol. I guess it’s a little easier because I’m not using my real name and people that respond are responding out of genuine care. My boyfriend is an addict. Yep I know. “Get out, leave him now, blah blah blah” all things that I’m aware of and honestly am getting ready to do! But I want to tell the story because it’s actually kinda interesting. So we meet, out at a club and I see him at first and say “oh **** that’s ______” (I knew him from years prior but hadn’t seen him in about 5 years) at this point I could care less because this guy that I liked was there also. After a few drinks I decide to approach ______ just to make the guy I like jealous. We start talking and I’m so drunk that I’m barely listening to what he’s saying and instead fixated on whether the guy I liked was watching and getting jealous. Stupid. I know. But I’m 25 I guess these are the games we play. Leaving, I give _______ my phone number on the way out. Days go by and I completely forget that I gave it to him. He texts me and I’m like what the hell? I don’t remember giving him my number. We end up texting all night that night and he asks to take me out that weekend. What do you know, I give in. We go out and IMMEDIATELY HIT IT OFF. We hung out the next day and the next day and the next day. Then bam he tells me he has to go away on work for a few months and still wants to date. I agree and we literally decide to carry on the next 4 months long distance with the exception of him flying me there and coming home every month. 2 weeks go by and we’ve now spent every single day and night on the phone for hours on hours literally close to 6 hours a day talking on the phone. He comes home only so that I’d feel comfortable flying back with him and not alone. That day I noticed something about him. Couldn’t put my finger on it until that night.... that night when we went out for icecream and he literally starting nodding off on the bench while we ate our icecream!!!!!!! Now mind you, my first bf because a drug addict half way into our relationship I was with him from age 17-19 about almost 20 and I eventually got fed up and left him. So imagine what went through my mind when I noticed ______ nodding off. On that ride home I confronted him and asked him if he was on drugs. He obviously replied, no way! But something told me not to believe it. That next day I was supposed to be packing to leave with him the following day to go back to where he was working. The entire next day I knew it in my core that this guy is on drugs , I just didn’t know which. Also told myself maybe he took a Xanax and the red eye flight messed him up. But again, no matter how tired someone is, you don’t just nod off in the middle of eating your icecream.... so that evening I go to his house and I’m supposed to have my bags packed but instead I asked him to sit down and addressed the issue again. I told him I knew something was going on and if he didn’t tell me I would not leave with him. Of course feeling on the defense he denied it with his legs and arms crossed but I knew. I told him I was lookin into his eyes and I KNEW he was on drugs. I left. A few hours later he asked me that if he told me the truth if I would consider going with him. I told him I would and he called me and told me. He’s been on drugs for about 3 years. He is 33. The first year and a half were pills because he had surgery and the rest of the time has been heroin. He felt so uncomfortable telling me the truth that he immediately hungup and said he couldn’t talk about it anymore and he was getting sick to his stomach. Obviously I told him it was ok and that I’d be here for him because I’m
Not one to kick someone while they’re down and I agreed to go on the travel with him. The entire time he was away on work I did not nag him about it he wanted to come home and get clean himself. He found the detox center himself, he found out about vivitrol himself. As a long distance partner I just remained supportive. (The first month I was an annoying nag I cried every other night on the phone and asked a lot of annoying questions but then I realized it wasn’t the right thing to do) So about 2 1/2 years ago everyone knew he was taking Oxys and everyone hounded him to get clean. He detoxed for about 5 days and went back to using. He convinced all of his friends and family that he’d stopped and can you believe it? He tricked them. He’s a grown man he lives alone no one is there to check up on him and bust him. Just me. Now get this, not a soul on this planet knows or even can tell that he’s using!!!!! Not his parents, not my family, not our friends. I couldn’t even tell until he had one bad incident!!!! Granted I’ve been around him a lot now so those incidents have happened probably a total of 3 times. No addict ever has their addiction under control but I’ll tell you this much. He does a damn good job at controlling it or pretending to control it what have you. It is 100% a full time job. I mean the guy is super regimented and has a full blown routine from his coffee in the morning to the time he’s at the gym working out to the time he flosses his teeth to the time he’s in bed. He is literally 90x more responsible than I’ll ever be. He even uses his drugs in ROUTINE. A certain amount of hours have to go by before he can use again and it’s practicallt the same hours every single day. I have never met or even heard of an addict like that. I think that’s scarier because do people like that ever hit rock bottom? It’s like they use responsibly and if no one can tell and you’re still able to get work done to make money, how are you ever held accountable for your drug use until you one day just die? He has enough money to maintain his habit so that’s not an issue. He’s SUPER driven and career focused so what the **** HOW DOES A PERSON LIKE THAT EVER QUIT DRUGS? If everything is going well in your life what use is there to quit for a man like that? Anyway. Fast forward, he comes home we put him into detox... 2 days goes by and I get a phone call to come get him. He says he can’t do it and to break up with him if I have to. Claims the place is dirty and that’s it’s just a business. They give him 10mg of methodone 8 am and 8pm and that other people are getting 8x that and are actually high and nodding out from the high doses of methodone and it isn’t the environment for him to get clean. With 0$ in his pocket and no phone of course I go pick him up I cant leave him in the street with nothing. So he’s rushing me and rushing me to drive faster to get home because he hasn’t showered and is dying to use his own shower(yea right). Tell me why he miraculously takes a shower and feels like gold? Aren’t you supposed to be withdrawing? Couldn’t catch him that night but I caught him the next morning. Before detox he said he was sniffing 20 bags a day (oh yea he only sniffs he’s never touched a vein but I’m sure it would get to that point even though he says it never will because he can afford to buy bags and sniff) after detox he is at about 10 bags a day. I catch him and he says I promise I’m going to get clean I’m going to get the script for the methodone and I want us to do this in the comfort of my own home with you monitoring me. Basically after weeks and weeks of me nagging and us fighting about it. I went through his things the other day, of course upon 300 bags of heroin, I found the bottle of methodone. I questioned him about when he was getting the methodone again and he said “in about a week and I’ll get rid of all the heroin” then I tell him I know he has the methodone and he said “I’m just not ready right now I have too much stress with work and it’s a bad time to just up and quit drugs. I need it to be a simpler time so that I can focus on the recovery, the crutch helps me deal with work stress” fast forward a day.... guess what happens next!!!!!!!! I’m ******* PREGNANT. You can now imagine we’ve been none stop fighting the past 4 days. He thinks I should abort AS DO I OBVIOUSLY. But told me we should take the week or 2 weeks to think about it and see what we really want. He’s scared to be a junkie father and I myself do not want a junkie husband or father that’s me assuming he never gets it together and him fearing he’ll keep trying and failing at recovery or not be strong enough to let go for good. Now let me say this. My minds made up I need an abortion I’m way too stressed and I’ve been way to helpful and supportive and this is something he needs to figure out on his own. While I say that I also want to mention I’ve dated a lot of people and been in 2 long term relationships. He is the best guy I have ever dated. He is seriously wonderful to me. He always makes sure I’m taken care and he doesn’t let his addiction come between the man or boyfriend he can be. Addicts are selfish people of course but besides the addiction nothing about him is selfish in our relationship he is always nice and respectful of me. He is a really really good guy. I mean he actually makes me want to be better. He motivates me and pushes me when I’m feeling lazy or what have you. He helps me study etc. he is all about helping me accomplish my goals. Never thought I could say that about a drug addict. Ending things with him would definitely result in me facing a loss, drugs or not. Unfortunately I cannot deal with a drug addict. I need to think of myself and knowing myself I’ll get fed up in a couple of years and leave this situation anyway. I know how lucky he feels to have me in his life and how appreciaitive he feels because of my support but .... he’s got to completely change or I want no part of it. I feel bad because if it weren’t for me he’d have no desire for change. No one knows of his addiction. NO ONE. So no one cares to tell him to change his habits. No one really cares and that sucks for him because he’s too ashamed about it to confide in anyone else about it besides me. Well as of right now, I walked out of his house 2 nights ago bc I was pissed about the fighting. Of course it made him upset but he’s stubborn and holds a grudge. We spoke earlier today and said we needed to think about what we want to do in regards to the abortion or keeping the baby and we needed a few days of Seperation to think bc we’ve been up each others ass and not leaving eachothers side since he’s gotten back. I practically live there. Honestly he hasn’t reached out after that but I blocked him on my phone because I am beyond annoyed with him using me walking out as a defense mechanism to make this an issue with ME instead of the real issue being him and his addiction. He’s trying to manipulate it so that the topic is off of him and his problem. Too bad. I blocked him he can try to contact me then see he’s just ruining his own life. We still have to get the abortion and my birthday is in 6 days he’ll have to figure out a way to get in touch. Please don’t feel bad for me, I knew what I was getting into I was clearly blinded by love and our connection and I guess I didn’t want to believe then problem was that bad. I was naive bc I met a really wonderful guy and I just wanted to support him through his issue because as he always says, “we’ll get through this together don’t worry.” Sorry it’s so long! Thank you for reading
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Not,
Yep, i agree he is on something.
It is tough dealing w us addicts.
My wife was at her witts end with me. Somehow, I got myself clean.
Staying clean is the trick now.
If you don't have deep ties with this guy, smart money bet is to let him go.
Addiction is for life.
Thanks.
Yep, i agree he is on something.
It is tough dealing w us addicts.
My wife was at her witts end with me. Somehow, I got myself clean.
Staying clean is the trick now.
If you don't have deep ties with this guy, smart money bet is to let him go.
Addiction is for life.
Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Hi and welcome notmyrealname - welcome.
You had two threads so I merged them both here.
I think this is the crux of the matter
I'm old enough to be your dad and it kinda made me a little sad reading all this. You're 24.
You have to consider all the options including a future where he doesn't change.
Hiding an addiction well is not the same as control no matter how regimented he is.
Addiction is progressive - it gets worse - noone is immune from that - and you have to look at the worst case scenarios if you decide this guy is the one you want to be with.
D
You had two threads so I merged them both here.
I think this is the crux of the matter
he’s got to completely change or I want no part of it.
I'm old enough to be your dad and it kinda made me a little sad reading all this. You're 24.
You have to consider all the options including a future where he doesn't change.
Hiding an addiction well is not the same as control no matter how regimented he is.
Addiction is progressive - it gets worse - noone is immune from that - and you have to look at the worst case scenarios if you decide this guy is the one you want to be with.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,468
I'm sorry for your situation. I'm sorry you feel that an abortion is your only option.
Sounds like you'd be better without him and all the drama.
You're young yet, work on you and figure out your future.
Blessings
Sounds like you'd be better without him and all the drama.
You're young yet, work on you and figure out your future.
Blessings
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,507
I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that your boyfriend makes the decision to seek help for himself.
Right now, you need to focus on yourself and the possible abortion. I'm sure this man is wonderful, but he is an addict in denial, and not good husband or father material at this time.
Right now, you need to focus on yourself and the possible abortion. I'm sure this man is wonderful, but he is an addict in denial, and not good husband or father material at this time.
Samantha
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 2,031
I have been so tired from not sleeping a few nights in a row that I have nodded off at dinner.
If you are staying up to talk and he is also working...it may catch up to him.
But if he said he was on drugs, is he willing to quit? Or get help if he needs it?
If you are staying up to talk and he is also working...it may catch up to him.
But if he said he was on drugs, is he willing to quit? Or get help if he needs it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by Anarock 
I have been so tired from not sleeping a few nights in a row that I have nodded off at dinner.
If you are staying up to talk and he is also working...it may catch up to him.
But if he said he was on drugs, is he willing to quit? Or get help if he needs it?
If you are staying up to talk and he is also working...it may catch up to him.
But if he said he was on drugs, is he willing to quit? Or get help if he needs it?
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
Hi Anna
Originally Posted by Anna
I'm sorry for your situation. I hope that your boyfriend makes the decision to seek help for himself.
Right now, you need to focus on yourself and the possible abortion. I'm sure this man is wonderful, but he is an addict in denial, and not good husband or father material at this time.
Right now, you need to focus on yourself and the possible abortion. I'm sure this man is wonderful, but he is an addict in denial, and not good husband or father material at this time.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
Hi dream catcher
Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17
I'm sorry for your situation. I'm sorry you feel that an abortion is your only option.
Sounds like you'd be better without him and all the drama.
You're young yet, work on you and figure out your future.
Blessings
Sounds like you'd be better without him and all the drama.
You're young yet, work on you and figure out your future.
Blessings
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
Hi Dee 74
Originally Posted by Dee74
Hi and welcome notmyrealname - welcome.
You had two threads so I merged them both here.
I think this is the crux of the matter
I'm old enough to be your dad and it kinda made me a little sad reading all this. You're 24.
You have to consider all the options including a future where he doesn't change.
Hiding an addiction well is not the same as control no matter how regimented he is.
Addiction is progressive - it gets worse - noone is immune from that - and you have to look at the worst case scenarios if you decide this guy is the one you want to be with.
D
You had two threads so I merged them both here.
I think this is the crux of the matter
I'm old enough to be your dad and it kinda made me a little sad reading all this. You're 24.
You have to consider all the options including a future where he doesn't change.
Hiding an addiction well is not the same as control no matter how regimented he is.
Addiction is progressive - it gets worse - noone is immune from that - and you have to look at the worst case scenarios if you decide this guy is the one you want to be with.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by D122y
Not,
Yep, i agree he is on something.
It is tough dealing w us addicts.
My wife was at her witts end with me. Somehow, I got myself clean.
Staying clean is the trick now.
If you don't have deep ties with this guy, smart money bet is to let him go.
Addiction is for life.
Thanks.
Yep, i agree he is on something.
It is tough dealing w us addicts.
My wife was at her witts end with me. Somehow, I got myself clean.
Staying clean is the trick now.
If you don't have deep ties with this guy, smart money bet is to let him go.
Addiction is for life.
Thanks.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Originally Posted by NotARealName
How long were you using or drinking if you don’t mind me asking? It’s most definitely an every day battle, he tells me that everyday. He says it’s somethint you battle for the rest of your life
99% of the time I was a happy and mello drunk. I generally didn't routinely drink to pass out. I drank enough to get a solid buzz. I usually didn't drink and drive either.
I had a ton of fun drinking until my health began to take a noticeable decline around 40 years old.
I managed to drink off and on for 10 more years, but I started having physical and mental issues. The mental problems (balance issues, obsession, anxiety, panic attacks etc etc) scared me. Besides all the physical problems booze causes, it also causes irreversible brain damage.
I Googled various questions and found SR. SR 's team of addicts gave me all the info needed to get this far. I suffered horribly getting clean. I still suffer a bit every day, e.g. brain damage.
It is my PAWS. But, I am used to it. I am tough.
I could easily quit my job today, and daily drink a bottle of vodka until I die of some horrid booze related death. But, I don't want to go down like that.
I have been promised that if I relapse, it will be worse than before. I am positive I could not survive another struggle like I have had for the last 3 years. I would probably literally go more insane and then need some serious meds to keep me together. Many recovering addicts use meds to keep it together. I am drug free minus some BP medication.
I have made a new sober life. It is about lifestyle changes. I work out 4 to 7 days a week now. I am getting stronger every day. People treat me different. The world is a new and better place.
Wanting to quit is half the battle. Education and suffering are the rest.
Addiction is for life. Folks regret relapse after years and years clean. I guess they crave the buzz. The escape from reality. I get it.
Hope this helps you in some way.
Thanks.
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