I can't believe it is only day 3
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
I can't believe it is only day 3
I can't believe it is only day 3. Maybe it is day 4 and I have lost track but I don't think so. It seems like it has been so much longer than that. I have been blessed that despite the level of binging that I was doing once I didn't experience many with drawl symptoms. I am not sure if it is the vitamins, yoga or exercise or just luck. While it has not been a real struggle, it just feels like longer than 3 days.
I had my moments yesterday when someone I went out with said I needed to stop drinking based on an outing several weeks ago. It made me VERY much want to have a drink.
I wish everyone strength as I know the weekends are a challenge for many.
I was successful with a very unexpected dinner date last night. I tried to decline the invitation but I am glad that I went. It was interesting because the server asked what I wanted to drink and I said just water and he was politely pushing something else and finally said you don't want wine or anything? I just said no and that I was fine with water. Usually in the restaurant industry that translates to cheap so maybe I should order club soda next time. I don't drink soda or juice.
I didn't feel tempted but I recognized that this is the way it will always be. As it turns out my date doesn't drink and never has. I was not looking to date (during this time) and I could very much see this as more of a friendship as he is very worldly but very involved with the church and mentoring children. But I did ask the universe for a man that just doesn't drink at all.
Does recovery require you to be lonely?
I had my moments yesterday when someone I went out with said I needed to stop drinking based on an outing several weeks ago. It made me VERY much want to have a drink.
I wish everyone strength as I know the weekends are a challenge for many.
I was successful with a very unexpected dinner date last night. I tried to decline the invitation but I am glad that I went. It was interesting because the server asked what I wanted to drink and I said just water and he was politely pushing something else and finally said you don't want wine or anything? I just said no and that I was fine with water. Usually in the restaurant industry that translates to cheap so maybe I should order club soda next time. I don't drink soda or juice.
I didn't feel tempted but I recognized that this is the way it will always be. As it turns out my date doesn't drink and never has. I was not looking to date (during this time) and I could very much see this as more of a friendship as he is very worldly but very involved with the church and mentoring children. But I did ask the universe for a man that just doesn't drink at all.
Does recovery require you to be lonely?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2017
Posts: 68
I don't think recovery means you need to be lonely, I think if anything being sober opens you up to much more of the world. But I do think when recovering it will take a while to be ready to form new relationships, it certainly will for me anyway.
I'm on day 2 but I've been sober much longer before and I certainly felt like I'd been sober for much much longer, I think because alcohol has an effect of making time move faster so when we're not drinking, it feels like things are moving very slowly but it's actually just us adapting to normality again. I think like everything else with being sober, it just takes time.
I'm on day 2 but I've been sober much longer before and I certainly felt like I'd been sober for much much longer, I think because alcohol has an effect of making time move faster so when we're not drinking, it feels like things are moving very slowly but it's actually just us adapting to normality again. I think like everything else with being sober, it just takes time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: US
Posts: 5,095
Well I'm trying to figure out what to say. For me, stopping drinking has required a complete shift in the way I view pretty much everything. External activities are just that, external to me. And while they can help support or detract from recovery, they are just 'things'.
It is important to develop a life that supports health: mental, physical, spiritual, communal. But its that inner world view that ultimately makes the difference. Acceptance that I will not drink no matter what. Surrender that most of 'life' is out of my control. Acknowledgement that I control only myself and my responses to the outside world. And choosing to do things and spend time with people that support my recovery. That are healthy. And having the maturity to walk away from anything that detracts from my new way of life.
Dating on day 3/4 would be completely out of the question for me. The solution to my problem (which is me) is not in another person. Friends are great. Support is great. But the alpha and the omega to my serenity is internal. With that serenity comes peace....loneliness will not be a 'thing' for the most part.
It is important to develop a life that supports health: mental, physical, spiritual, communal. But its that inner world view that ultimately makes the difference. Acceptance that I will not drink no matter what. Surrender that most of 'life' is out of my control. Acknowledgement that I control only myself and my responses to the outside world. And choosing to do things and spend time with people that support my recovery. That are healthy. And having the maturity to walk away from anything that detracts from my new way of life.
Dating on day 3/4 would be completely out of the question for me. The solution to my problem (which is me) is not in another person. Friends are great. Support is great. But the alpha and the omega to my serenity is internal. With that serenity comes peace....loneliness will not be a 'thing' for the most part.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I've never been less lonely.
Although I surrounded myself with lots of people I never really felt like I could open up and tell those people what I fektnor thought, let alone what I'd done (I thought they would run a mile or judge me or hate me). Since I found the fellowship of other alcoholics in recovery I've learned that I can be open and confide in people I have come to trust, and they will never judge me as harshly as I've always judged myself. I may not be surrounded by lots of people, but I now have a fair few REAL friends. Both from AA and the church.
Learning to love myself (not in a big headed way, but finding acceptance of who and what I am) has meant that I am now able to give and receive real love. Before I kinda made myself emotionally unavailable to protect myself I suppose.
BB
Although I surrounded myself with lots of people I never really felt like I could open up and tell those people what I fektnor thought, let alone what I'd done (I thought they would run a mile or judge me or hate me). Since I found the fellowship of other alcoholics in recovery I've learned that I can be open and confide in people I have come to trust, and they will never judge me as harshly as I've always judged myself. I may not be surrounded by lots of people, but I now have a fair few REAL friends. Both from AA and the church.
Learning to love myself (not in a big headed way, but finding acceptance of who and what I am) has meant that I am now able to give and receive real love. Before I kinda made myself emotionally unavailable to protect myself I suppose.
BB
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
I think the first week is a long one and it's tough, but you're doing great. I don't think recovery has to be lonely.
But, I do believe that I had to make significant changes in my life regarding people and activities. Maybe you can get involved in activities in your community that are interesting to you and where you could meet people who aren't drinking.
But, I do believe that I had to make significant changes in my life regarding people and activities. Maybe you can get involved in activities in your community that are interesting to you and where you could meet people who aren't drinking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
I can't believe it is only day 3
the mayfly lives for 24 hours.
you just stayed sober for 3 generations of mayflies.
3 ,10,15,25,30 years is a long time. everyone that has been there knows 3 days is an eternity- much longer that 3,10,15,25,30 years.
Does recovery require you to be lonely?
not at all. however, early recovery can FEEL that way. it took me time to learn about myself and become comfortable in my own skin. when that happened, i was able to be by myself and not alone.
unlike when i was drinking- in a room with a group of people and lonely.
the mayfly lives for 24 hours.
you just stayed sober for 3 generations of mayflies.
3 ,10,15,25,30 years is a long time. everyone that has been there knows 3 days is an eternity- much longer that 3,10,15,25,30 years.
Does recovery require you to be lonely?
not at all. however, early recovery can FEEL that way. it took me time to learn about myself and become comfortable in my own skin. when that happened, i was able to be by myself and not alone.
unlike when i was drinking- in a room with a group of people and lonely.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 212
No Need To Be Lonely In Happiness
Im fortunate in that I work long hours - have a partner and a dog. A pet is useful if you dont have one. This is a time for mental distraction (my opinion) - so occupying the mind with reading , work , the new vitamin packed diet research is helping me.
As for forming a new relationship - it would tax me too much in the early days. Emotionally I need to be strong - no - it just wouldnt do for me. Itd be too much to chew so early on. Theres the beauty of these threads - share the views - share the support.
Dave 🤠
As for forming a new relationship - it would tax me too much in the early days. Emotionally I need to be strong - no - it just wouldnt do for me. Itd be too much to chew so early on. Theres the beauty of these threads - share the views - share the support.
Dave 🤠
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
welcome to SR Dave 
PP like others have said, recovery is not about being lonely - it's about building the kind of sober life tou wants. I had to cut myself loose from a lot of drinking mates, but I reconnected with other old friends, and I made mnew frienmds where the glue that bound us together was not booze.
These things take a little time tho - try and be patient
No need to shut yourself in the house - there's a million things you could do that don't involve alcohol this weekend
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
D
PP like others have said, recovery is not about being lonely - it's about building the kind of sober life tou wants. I had to cut myself loose from a lot of drinking mates, but I reconnected with other old friends, and I made mnew frienmds where the glue that bound us together was not booze.
These things take a little time tho - try and be patient
No need to shut yourself in the house - there's a million things you could do that don't involve alcohol this weekend
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ething-do.html (Looking For Something To Do?)
D
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by PinkPanther08 
Does recovery require you to be lonely?
But... logic suggests that with any illness, especially on of the potentially terminal variety, treatment needs to be the priority or there will be nothing else. Get your feet under the table of a good recovery program. One like AA is very focussed on rejoining the mainstream of life, and that will come to pass more quickly and surely than you might think, if you do the work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 71
I would like a relationship but I know that I am not truly ready for that. I am lonely because I became a hermit drunk (who was formally a total social butterfly) and would miss events I was invited to because I had been at home day drinking and didn't want to show up seeming drunk. Relationships with my female friends can slowly be repaired. I look forward to it.
I am actually happy to just be sober, not doing irrational and destructive things, going to work and working out. I am hoping that if I can just stick to doing that I can stay on target.
My issue is usually not let me go get something to drink on my own (for the first time). It is opening pandoras box and having a drink here, then a drink there, then a drink there and then 5 drinks there and 10 drinks...
I will be working everyday that I possibly can, working out/yoga, going to meetings and posting here.
I may entertain some light dating but I know that I am not in the position for a relationship BUT I also believe that sometimes the universe sends a person who is good for you regardless of timing.
My last binge really affected my looks. I know everything is not about looks but a few weeks aged me YEARS and I just looked a mess.
So it does feel good to get my appearance together. I didn't even want to visit my friends because I just looked bad, my skin broke out and my face was super puffy.
I am not all the way there but just the idea of looking near presentable makes me feel better.
I am actually happy to just be sober, not doing irrational and destructive things, going to work and working out. I am hoping that if I can just stick to doing that I can stay on target.
My issue is usually not let me go get something to drink on my own (for the first time). It is opening pandoras box and having a drink here, then a drink there, then a drink there and then 5 drinks there and 10 drinks...
I will be working everyday that I possibly can, working out/yoga, going to meetings and posting here.
I may entertain some light dating but I know that I am not in the position for a relationship BUT I also believe that sometimes the universe sends a person who is good for you regardless of timing.
My last binge really affected my looks. I know everything is not about looks but a few weeks aged me YEARS and I just looked a mess.
So it does feel good to get my appearance together. I didn't even want to visit my friends because I just looked bad, my skin broke out and my face was super puffy.
I am not all the way there but just the idea of looking near presentable makes me feel better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hi PP.......Glad you're still hanging in there. The first couple of weeks seemed to drag by for me too. I also lived like a hermit because I preferred my old drinking company to that of others. I'm trying to get out more too. You're doing great!
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