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Finding this so hard

Old 03-08-2018, 02:45 AM
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Finding this so hard

I spent my last cent on alcohol today and are going to run out of food and coffee. 1 drink turns into 3 bottles. I told my sponsor and she wants me to up my meetings, I think I am just missing my neighbours company. I need to revamp my life of all the habits. My sponsor said it's tough for the first year. Why is this so hard. Maybe I haven't surrendered yet.
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Old 03-08-2018, 03:10 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Why is this so hard.
It's OK that it's hard.
You can do hard things.
Get after it.

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Old 03-08-2018, 10:05 AM
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I am the same. Down to my last $20 and facing a choice to buy food or booze, I buy the booze without hesitation. I can handle hunger pangs much better than going without my 'medicine'.

Many of my benders actually ended simply because I ran out of money. Poverty will save me from drinking myself to death. Instead, I will probably have a long, drawn-out decline and die alone in a rooming house without a penny to my name. Unless, I stop drinking of course and live my life sober!!
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Old 03-08-2018, 10:11 AM
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The sooner you build it the sooner you can enjoy living in it.
Your new life that is.

Yes hard is ok.
Hard gets easy with practice.

Little by little.
You can do this.
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Old 03-08-2018, 10:16 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Maybe I haven't surrendered yet.
That's certainly possible. Probable really if you are having those thoughts.

Your sponsor is right though - this will require a lot of hard work on your part. And you will need to sort out the other issues in your life too, but you really can't until you stop drinking and stay stopped.

I would say that you are in what would be called a "dire" situation right now, and that probably requires extraordinary action on your part. Inpatient rehab should be on your list of things to seriously consider.
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Old 03-08-2018, 10:52 AM
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Since you can't seem to stay sober, perhaps you should seriously consider inpatient rehab.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:04 AM
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At some of these we balked. We thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go absolutely.

Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:




The first requirement is that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can hardly be a success.
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Old 03-08-2018, 11:50 AM
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My wife thought that she had surrendered as she was working hard to beat her demons on her own... but she had not.. there was just so much more that she needed to do to surrender... it was not until she was willing to go into a detox facility and subsequent rehab that she truly realized what surrendering to her addiction really was...

Wish i could give you the insight into what it was that made her come to that conclusion.... but only thing she has been able to express to me about it was that she had an "ah-ha" moment that made her realize that her life was truly unmanageable and she was powerless to do anything about it as long as she continued to use.

Hope you can find your Ah-Ha moment soon!
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Old 03-08-2018, 12:17 PM
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Thanks for the replies and encouragement. I do need to let go absolutely. Poverty will probably save me as well. It's not a good choice though.
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Old 03-08-2018, 12:21 PM
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Sweetichick, I'm sorry you are in this downward spiral and I hope that you do whatever you need to do to make sobriety work for you. One thing you could do is to post here before you decide to buy alcohol.
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Old 03-08-2018, 12:26 PM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
Thanks for the replies and encouragement. I do need to let go absolutely. Poverty will probably save me as well. It's not a good choice though.
Give us an update on how your AA meeting went, no more that you screwed up
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Old 03-08-2018, 02:43 PM
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Hi sweetchick

its hard work to make the choice to stay with uncomfortable feelings and face them sober - be it loss, anger, fear or whatever...

but the more you do that, the more your brain will not go to the default drinking choice.

You've been doing well the last week....you've shown you can do this.

D
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Old 03-09-2018, 05:21 AM
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Originally Posted by sweetichick View Post
I do need to let go absolutely. Poverty will probably save me as well. It's not a good choice though.
i dont think it will be poverty that will save you. check out what the BB says:
He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. Nonsense. Some of us have taken very hard knocks to learn this truth: Job or no job - wife or no wife - we simply do not stop drinking so long as we place dependence upon other people( or things) ahead of dependence on God.

But there is One who has all power-that One is God. May you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing. We stood at the turning point. We asked His protection and care with complete abandon.

complete abandon- THAT would be a great meeting topic.
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Old 03-09-2018, 12:45 PM
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how ya doin.....sweeti

you will forget about the neighbor in time. meanwhile you might as well just get back to the meetings and try to up them if you can. that was good advice your sponsor gave you. are you still the greeter?
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Old 03-12-2018, 07:48 PM
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Hi Sweetichick,

How are you doing today?
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Old 03-12-2018, 09:10 PM
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Thinking of you, sweetichick.
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:17 PM
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hows it going sweetichick?

D
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Old 03-12-2018, 11:23 PM
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Nothing worth having is easy, go to meetings, read help books etc do whatever is needed to not pick up that demon drink, good luck and be strong, lots of support here
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Old 03-14-2018, 07:52 PM
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Nothing is going well. I keep picking up a bottle of wine every now and then. Took out another loan and then wasted it on cigarettes. I'm not talking to my ex at all now. I really believe I have to try a lot harder. I can manage the smoking because I can chew gum but there's no alcohol replacement. I haven't been to a meeting for over a week because for 3 days I could barely get out of bed. Inpatient is not an option due to all my loans. I'm going to look at other options as well as AA as like a supplement to it. Sorry to sound so depressed but this is my only outlet.
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Old 03-14-2018, 07:54 PM
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Its hard to stay sober especially if you have other issues but thats why it's important to really deliberate over every decision and make healthy choices rather than unhealthy ones.

When you next feel the urge to get another bottle of wine you could post here, speak with your sponsor, go to a meeting...I know it's a lot of effort, but you're worth it, right?

D
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