All the ways I still think I’m lucky...
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Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 140
All the ways I still think I’m lucky...
My life has been a bit of a mixed bag so far. At 33 I’ve had my fair share of tragedies, best friends suicide, alcoholic abusive father and many other issues I’m only just beginning to confront. My addiction has taken a terrible toll on my life in so many ways, as it has done for many of us on SR. Instead of just coming on here to vent, I’ve been trying to focus on the positives in my life for a change rather than just feeling sorry for myself...
- Relationships: I may have lost every girl that ever showed any interest, but in some ways I’m glad I never got locked into an unhealthy long term relationship or marriage while I’m an addict. The drinking and drugs would have only made the inevitable demise of that relationship all the more painful for all concerned. But since that never happened, I feel like I have a lot of freedom to meet a nice girl and treat her right, now that I’m older and wiser to my addiction issues.
- Kids: This kind of ties into the first point. I hope to have kids one day, but I’m actually glad I haven’t yet. I know I’m not strong enough to fight this battle against addiction, and be a good father at the same time. Ultimately, my kids would have suffered the consequences of my addiction too, I know that from personal experience in my own childhood.
- Age. No doubt I’ve lost a lot of really good years to alcohol & drugs. I’ve been pretty much drunk and high continuously since my teens. 33 is certainly not young, but it isn’t that old in the grand scheme of things. I’ve still got time to turn things around and live a good life.
- Criminal record: Sometimes I cant believe it. It’s only by the grace of god my addiction has yet to get me in trouble with the law. I’ve had many close calls, but somehow I’ve always found a way out. The British accent really goes a long way in North America.
Health: My addiction has taken a huge toll on my mental and physical health. But (touch wood) I seem to still be in one piece and have yet to seriously injure myself, or develop any serious health problems as a consequence of my drinking or drug use.
Job: Somehow I am still gainfully employed at a good job. I know people complain about their bosses, not me though, I am very fortunate to have worked for some very kind, decent and compassionate people.
Anyway, none of this was meant to brag in anyway, I’m just trying to find silver-linings and reasons to be optimistic out of some pretty sore points in my life. I feel a bit better now.
I hope everyone else is doing okay :-)
- Relationships: I may have lost every girl that ever showed any interest, but in some ways I’m glad I never got locked into an unhealthy long term relationship or marriage while I’m an addict. The drinking and drugs would have only made the inevitable demise of that relationship all the more painful for all concerned. But since that never happened, I feel like I have a lot of freedom to meet a nice girl and treat her right, now that I’m older and wiser to my addiction issues.
- Kids: This kind of ties into the first point. I hope to have kids one day, but I’m actually glad I haven’t yet. I know I’m not strong enough to fight this battle against addiction, and be a good father at the same time. Ultimately, my kids would have suffered the consequences of my addiction too, I know that from personal experience in my own childhood.
- Age. No doubt I’ve lost a lot of really good years to alcohol & drugs. I’ve been pretty much drunk and high continuously since my teens. 33 is certainly not young, but it isn’t that old in the grand scheme of things. I’ve still got time to turn things around and live a good life.
- Criminal record: Sometimes I cant believe it. It’s only by the grace of god my addiction has yet to get me in trouble with the law. I’ve had many close calls, but somehow I’ve always found a way out. The British accent really goes a long way in North America.
Health: My addiction has taken a huge toll on my mental and physical health. But (touch wood) I seem to still be in one piece and have yet to seriously injure myself, or develop any serious health problems as a consequence of my drinking or drug use.
Job: Somehow I am still gainfully employed at a good job. I know people complain about their bosses, not me though, I am very fortunate to have worked for some very kind, decent and compassionate people.
Anyway, none of this was meant to brag in anyway, I’m just trying to find silver-linings and reasons to be optimistic out of some pretty sore points in my life. I feel a bit better now.
I hope everyone else is doing okay :-)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 122
I can relate to much of what you say. I've got a few years on you and never into drugs but I feel you. It's not bragging, it's gratitude. That's a valuable emotion for your well-being especially when you are in early recovery (or so I'm told)
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