My psychopathic XAH
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
My psychopathic XAH
Last week I was on my way to school at 10:00 a.m. and I passed by my ex, who was driving in the opposite direction.
I nearly had a panic attack.
What's so strange about that? He was just driving by.
No. Not my ex. He doesn't get up that early. He doesn't get up before 11, and he rarely leaves town. There's only one thing that can drag him out of bed in the morning, and it's trying to destroy me.
I knew it. I just did. And I was so right.
Today I went down to the courthouse to get a copy of our order. Our last court date was 3 months ago and my lawyer has taken this long to finally get it filed. But when I approached the clerk she told me my file wasn't available- it was in the calendaring office. Because my ex filed a domestic violence restraining order against me.
What in the hell is that man up to now?
He's had supervised visits for 3 months now. We haven't even seen eachother at all.
SO WHAT NOW????
Could be anything. Really anything. This man is possessed by evil. 3 months of peace, that's all I got. My life is about to be given up to court dates all over again. If he can't make himself look good, he'll make me look bad. And it's going to be the same. Damn. Judge. And I won't have a lawyer. I can't afford to keep getting them. Haven't had child support in 7 months. All I want is to live a normal life.
When will it end?
I nearly had a panic attack.
What's so strange about that? He was just driving by.
No. Not my ex. He doesn't get up that early. He doesn't get up before 11, and he rarely leaves town. There's only one thing that can drag him out of bed in the morning, and it's trying to destroy me.
I knew it. I just did. And I was so right.
Today I went down to the courthouse to get a copy of our order. Our last court date was 3 months ago and my lawyer has taken this long to finally get it filed. But when I approached the clerk she told me my file wasn't available- it was in the calendaring office. Because my ex filed a domestic violence restraining order against me.
What in the hell is that man up to now?
He's had supervised visits for 3 months now. We haven't even seen eachother at all.
SO WHAT NOW????
Could be anything. Really anything. This man is possessed by evil. 3 months of peace, that's all I got. My life is about to be given up to court dates all over again. If he can't make himself look good, he'll make me look bad. And it's going to be the same. Damn. Judge. And I won't have a lawyer. I can't afford to keep getting them. Haven't had child support in 7 months. All I want is to live a normal life.
When will it end?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
My heart goes out to you!
I had a friend going through a situation much like you describe. It is amazing what lengths addicts will go to in order to make your life miserable.
It sounds like you've been through this before. Are there any volunteer legal services available in your town?
My friend is counting the days until her children are old enough to tell their father they don't want to visit. And after that, I guess it ends when they turn 18 - maybe. In her case, one of the children has a life-threatening illness if meds are not administered and the courts ignore his negligence - and she HAS a lawyer. I wonder when the courts are going to give kids as many rights and the adults?
So sorry to hear about this. Addicts don't care about kids or what's right - only their own world.
Prayers that the court system sees through this nonsense - I think they have probably seen this all before.
I had a friend going through a situation much like you describe. It is amazing what lengths addicts will go to in order to make your life miserable.
It sounds like you've been through this before. Are there any volunteer legal services available in your town?
My friend is counting the days until her children are old enough to tell their father they don't want to visit. And after that, I guess it ends when they turn 18 - maybe. In her case, one of the children has a life-threatening illness if meds are not administered and the courts ignore his negligence - and she HAS a lawyer. I wonder when the courts are going to give kids as many rights and the adults?
So sorry to hear about this. Addicts don't care about kids or what's right - only their own world.
Prayers that the court system sees through this nonsense - I think they have probably seen this all before.
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Originally Posted by Hechosedrugs 
Last week I was on my way to school at 10:00 a.m. and I passed by my ex, who was driving in the opposite direction.
I nearly had a panic attack.
What's so strange about that? He was just driving by.
No. Not my ex. He doesn't get up that early. He doesn't get up before 11, and he rarely leaves town. There's only one thing that can drag him out of bed in the morning, and it's trying to destroy me.
I knew it. I just did. And I was so right.
Today I went down to the courthouse to get a copy of our order. Our last court date was 3 months ago and my lawyer has taken this long to finally get it filed. But when I approached the clerk she told me my file wasn't available- it was in the calendaring office. Because my ex filed a domestic violence restraining order against me.
What in the hell is that man up to now?
He's had supervised visits for 3 months now. We haven't even seen eachother at all.
SO WHAT NOW????
Could be anything. Really anything. This man is possessed by evil. 3 months of peace, that's all I got. My life is about to be given up to court dates all over again. If he can't make himself look good, he'll make me look bad. And it's going to be the same. Damn. Judge. And I won't have a lawyer. I can't afford to keep getting them. Haven't had child support in 7 months. All I want is to live a normal life.
When will it end?
I nearly had a panic attack.
What's so strange about that? He was just driving by.
No. Not my ex. He doesn't get up that early. He doesn't get up before 11, and he rarely leaves town. There's only one thing that can drag him out of bed in the morning, and it's trying to destroy me.
I knew it. I just did. And I was so right.
Today I went down to the courthouse to get a copy of our order. Our last court date was 3 months ago and my lawyer has taken this long to finally get it filed. But when I approached the clerk she told me my file wasn't available- it was in the calendaring office. Because my ex filed a domestic violence restraining order against me.
What in the hell is that man up to now?
He's had supervised visits for 3 months now. We haven't even seen eachother at all.
SO WHAT NOW????
Could be anything. Really anything. This man is possessed by evil. 3 months of peace, that's all I got. My life is about to be given up to court dates all over again. If he can't make himself look good, he'll make me look bad. And it's going to be the same. Damn. Judge. And I won't have a lawyer. I can't afford to keep getting them. Haven't had child support in 7 months. All I want is to live a normal life.
When will it end?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with Seren, please contact every advocate you can...Women's shelters, Women's Issues groups, Child Protective Services (yes they can be helpful or refer you to someone who is), your local/state/federal politicians. Time to get the big guns employed.
He is stalking, there are laws against that.
We're cheering you on so please pick up your phone today and start making calls to people who can and will help you.
He is stalking, there are laws against that.
We're cheering you on so please pick up your phone today and start making calls to people who can and will help you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
HCD, sending you huge hugs. If only our xa's would put as much energy into getting well as they do manipulating, lying and causing trouble.
If I had to take a guess, you ruffling feathers about the children being exposed to meth has him grasping for straws. Keep your head up and I agree with the others on reaching out to anyone and everyone.
GM
If I had to take a guess, you ruffling feathers about the children being exposed to meth has him grasping for straws. Keep your head up and I agree with the others on reaching out to anyone and everyone.
GM
"O you must wear your rue with difference".
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,146
Agree with Ann, Seren, all of the above people.
The women at the domestic violence therapy group that I attend have exes like yours: they keep dragging the women back into court for no reason. They keep contesting custody, visitation, then try to accuse the women of abuse for reasons that are ludicrous. They also try to turn the kids against the women. Not all of them are addicts and some of them even have really great jobs but don't want to pay a cent in child support so they find a way to make excuses not to... one of them even quit his job so that he wouldn't have to pay. Repeatedly trying to drag you into court for no reason is definitely about control and it is abusive behavior.
Please see your local women's group for help if you have not already! Also document everything. I would also (if you have time... and if you haven't already) pick up "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, because it helped me a lot. Ideally, you want to remove this guy from your life before your kids turn 18. You deserve to live in peace and so do your kids.
The women at the domestic violence therapy group that I attend have exes like yours: they keep dragging the women back into court for no reason. They keep contesting custody, visitation, then try to accuse the women of abuse for reasons that are ludicrous. They also try to turn the kids against the women. Not all of them are addicts and some of them even have really great jobs but don't want to pay a cent in child support so they find a way to make excuses not to... one of them even quit his job so that he wouldn't have to pay. Repeatedly trying to drag you into court for no reason is definitely about control and it is abusive behavior.
Please see your local women's group for help if you have not already! Also document everything. I would also (if you have time... and if you haven't already) pick up "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft, because it helped me a lot. Ideally, you want to remove this guy from your life before your kids turn 18. You deserve to live in peace and so do your kids.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 635
Thank you all for your support and advice. I'm a little reluctant to try the women's abuse programs because I have had so little luck with them so far.
Court date was today, and in my opinion it went very well. Ex is claiming I put trackers on his car and am stalking him. He's asking for protection for himself as well as the children. Ummm... yeah. He still can't pass a drug test and he wants to basically have full custody?
Anyway, his lawyer showed up about 10 minutes late. The judge allowed us to trail until he showed, which I thought was ridiculous. My ex didn't show up until another 10 minutes laters. His lawyer started without him. Very lenient with the men, this judge is.
But I'm happy. With no lawyer to hold me back, I just went ahead and let loose. I threw in the fact that he hasn't paid child support or alimony in 7 months and still hasn't submitted a drug test. If I had a lawyer they would have never done that, because "the court can only here the issue at hand". The judge looked like he found those little tidbits quite interesting, and wrote me a referral for self-help to get assistance with enforcing those orders. He denied the ex-parte on the grounds that he saw no immediate threat.
So for now I feel good! It's not over, of course. We'll still be having an evidentiary hearing. But... one day at a time!
Court date was today, and in my opinion it went very well. Ex is claiming I put trackers on his car and am stalking him. He's asking for protection for himself as well as the children. Ummm... yeah. He still can't pass a drug test and he wants to basically have full custody?
Anyway, his lawyer showed up about 10 minutes late. The judge allowed us to trail until he showed, which I thought was ridiculous. My ex didn't show up until another 10 minutes laters. His lawyer started without him. Very lenient with the men, this judge is.
But I'm happy. With no lawyer to hold me back, I just went ahead and let loose. I threw in the fact that he hasn't paid child support or alimony in 7 months and still hasn't submitted a drug test. If I had a lawyer they would have never done that, because "the court can only here the issue at hand". The judge looked like he found those little tidbits quite interesting, and wrote me a referral for self-help to get assistance with enforcing those orders. He denied the ex-parte on the grounds that he saw no immediate threat.
So for now I feel good! It's not over, of course. We'll still be having an evidentiary hearing. But... one day at a time!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
HCD, sounds like your court outcome was in your favor! So the evidentiary hearing will be in regards to the alleged tracking device and stalking? I am so happy the judge gave you a referral for help enforcing the orders. You are doing a great job!
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