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So. Disappointed.

Old 03-06-2018, 01:19 PM
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So. Disappointed.

Yesterday I gave in and sipped a beer (YUCK) in a social situation in order to avoid the questions of why I wasn’t drinking.
That’s not an excuse.
I’m disgusted with my weakness.
Today is a new day, and I guess now is the time to focus on that instead of my failure.
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Old 03-06-2018, 01:32 PM
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I had to avoid social situations where alcohol was being served for many, many months. It might be something that you could consider until you feel you are ready to handle those social situations.
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Old 03-06-2018, 01:32 PM
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Way to be honest and it was YUK

In situations like that, where people would questions why one is not drinking. I think an honest excuse is OK. Here are a few:
I don't like how it makes me feel any more
I am cleansing or something with diet/health
I am not feeling too well right now and I don't think that is going to help
My stomach is upset
etc... I think you get the point here!

The first experience I had with people that were drinking, people I didn't know (mutual friends) I honestly came out and said I am an alcoholic in recovery.. This stopped anyone form asking if I wanted booze, or buy me shots. It was amazing, some people asked if I was OK being at the show we were at, they asked if I was comfortable, etc... They were genuine.

I was not ashamed while I was drinking
I can not be ashamed of my recovery!!!!
(that's me though)

Best of luck and thank you for posting!
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Old 03-06-2018, 01:46 PM
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Welcome back blondescorp. I agree that focusing on now vs the past is a good idea. It's OK to look back a little bit to see if you can learn from the experience though, right?

You'll want to ask yourself what you could have done differently. For example, why were you hanging out with a bunch of drinkers in the first place?

I've found that for the most part, people really don't care if you are drinking or not- in fact most people don't even notice. It's our alcoholic minds that obsess about what other people might infer from us not having or accepting a drink. "no thank you" is all you really need to say probably 99 percent of the time.

So start working on a plan for next time this situation arises - maybe your solution should be to just avoid obvious drinking situations and people you know will push a drink on you?
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Old 03-06-2018, 02:02 PM
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I'm sorry you drank Blondescorps, here are some helpful potential responses which I saved from another thread-

"No, thanks," is really all that is needed.
"It just wasn't helping me in any way in my life."
"I feel so much better without it."
"I've outgrown my partying days."
"I've decided to focus on my health and fitness," (of course, then there's health and fitness to focus on...)
"I'm taking a break from it to see how I like a completely alcohol-free life." You could use that for the next 40 years - "Oh, yeah, I'm still taking a break."

"I don't like how I feel when I drink," or, "I don't like the day-after feeling."
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Old 03-06-2018, 02:34 PM
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Blondescorp - If that had been me it would likely have led to a binge. You knew right away you wanted no parts of it. That's progress. You'll be more determined now.
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Old 03-06-2018, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by DreamCatcher17 View Post
I was not ashamed while I was drinking
I can not be ashamed of my recovery!!!!
(that's me though)
And me. I think it's a healthy mindset for prolonged sobriety.
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Old 03-06-2018, 03:29 PM
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This is a problem I had/have when I am trying to quit drinking, so I find it best to avoid situations that involve drinking. It always amazes me how society pressures us on all levels to drink, drink, drink. It's everywhere! Movies, television shows, magazines, books, grocery stores, events, parties, etc. When you decline a drink, it seems you get responses like this, "Are sure? How about just one? It's a special occasion. Why, what's wrong? You are no fun." It makes it tough on those of us trying to quit the stuff. People should respect when someone declines alcohol and not ask questions.
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Old 03-06-2018, 03:47 PM
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You are all so right. And even as I sipped, I knew It. In my head I was focusing on my disappointment in myself.
Avoiding situations where there’s alcohol isn’t an option for me. I need to pony up, get stronger, and be brave. The struggle of the AV whispering that “you’re fine, there’s no problem here” sucks. In my mind, while I may not have progressed to a level where it’s affecting my life in a major way, doesn’t matter. The fact that one week and 2 days ago I risked myself, others, and a friendship, is enough for me to know I need a change.
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Old 03-06-2018, 04:17 PM
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You stumbled, but you got back up right away, that’s the spirit!

Social situations will always be a challenge. I was at a dinner recently where our sales guys decided to wow the client and order the top shelf wines. When they poured from the bottle, I held my hand over the glass and people looked at me as if I had gone insane. But I knew that if I drank there was a chance that after that dinner I would be wandering the streets in search of a 7/11 where I could get a Smirnoff Vodka bottle. So easy choice - curse you, Nuits St. Georges!

In the near term, be careful with your exposure to dicey situations in the evenings - instead more cake and OD’ing on whipped cream in bakeries and coffee shops lol!
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Old 03-06-2018, 04:43 PM
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Hi Blondescorp

sorry you drank but at least you uncovered a weakness in your recovery plan. If you find yourself self conscious about being a non drinker, thats definitely something to work on.

Maybe social occasions involving alcohol should be on the backburner for now?

There are some great ideas for a recovery action plan here

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

D
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Old 03-07-2018, 12:56 AM
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I had a similar situation last year. No-one outside my immediate family (that I know of) know about my problem. I don't go out now to many nighttime dos where I would be expected to drink and even when I do most of those I just say I'm not drinking and it's fine. I tend to drive if I can so people then don't even ask.

Last year I was at our annual sons football teams party and one of the mums got really drunk and she kept buying shots. She bought me one even though I'd said I wasn't drinking that night but she was so drunk she kept insisting I drank it so I did. I didn't feel bad after and it didn't start any cravings for me. For me in that situation it was the right thing to do. If I made a big fuss about saying no then someone would suspect something was wrong - now if I wasn't an alcoholic then I wouldn't have been bothered but I don't want anyone to even suspect anything. It's horrible to say but I don't want people looking at me differently. I have young children and am friends with a lot of their parents - I don't want the parents discussing anything to do with me and drinking and then that filtering to the kids in school (because these things do).

I have a couple of nights out this month that I am worried about how to get out of drinking. It's my 40th and I have a couple of, what other people would class as boozy nights out planned. I'm happy not to drink but my friends would be wondering why I'm not given the occasion. I'll just have to work that out nearer the time!
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Old 03-07-2018, 03:48 AM
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A sip of beer under duress isn't a relapse in my book, provided you get on with some action around your recovery.

The risk is the alcoholic mind, which will take the sip as evidence that the world did not end and therefore, next time, maybe two sips wouldn't hurt. It is the obsession of the mind that this time will be ok. That is the basic insanity of alcoholism and the fatal first drink.
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Old 03-07-2018, 04:05 AM
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The risk is the alcoholic mind, which will take the sip as evidence that the world did not end and therefore, next time, maybe two sips wouldn't hurt. It is the obsession of the mind that this time will be ok. That is the basic insanity of alcoholism and the fatal first drink.
Yep.

for me, I'd be able to extrapolate that sip into 'sips are ok'...then 'mouthfuls are ok'...then 'half glasses are ok'...then that Golden Oldie - 'one beer won't hurt'.

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Old 03-07-2018, 09:54 AM
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I went to a meeting where a woman confessed that she has not even been to a restaurant in over a year to avoid alcohol. Not everyone can do that.

To the person that took the shot that is interesting. I don't have children but people are full of stigmas. I think my alcohol issues have been a topic that I just chose to ignore and it has been discussed. So people are more looking to see if I can get drunk. I think in the future that I would have the will power to do what you did and be fine. It isn't the first drink or the second it is the thought that I can drink on a regular basis. 3-4 weeks in back to my old self. But I thought binge drinking was the way to drink, it is how I learned to drink so that is part of the problem.

My psychologist told me to tell my dates that I am allergic to alcohol.

I also know people who just slowly spill it on to the floor.

But I agree that saying you are on a cleanse or whatever. I have considered just telling the next person in my life that I have had issues with alcohol and my life is just better with out.

It is so hard especially if you don't want people to know your struggle.
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Old 03-07-2018, 10:44 AM
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I admit to using the line, I'm on medication that doesn't interact with Alcohol right now. Most people are not so insensitive as to ask what. If they do, I say it is an antibiotic or something equally benign. It's kind of try, Alcohol is a drug your system doesn't need right now. No one else needs to know unless you want them to. I think back to my teen years when someone offered me drugs, and I got by with No thanks. Have a glass with water or soda handy, it also helps cut down on offers.
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Old 03-07-2018, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by PinkPanther08 View Post
I went to a meeting where a woman confessed that she has not even been to a restaurant in over a year to avoid alcohol. Not everyone can do that.
I did. I found a great number of restaurants were BYO booze, so I went to those instead

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