Nervousinoh

Hi everyone, I'm new to this group and I am looking forward to the support and reading through everything. Here's my story, I hope it's not too long.

I met my husband six years ago and we have been married for almost five years. He really is a wonderful man, but he is an alcoholic. He was sober when I met him and I truly was naive about it all. In 2016, he was seven years sober, he started smoking pot. I found some and questioned him and he denied at first and then admitted that he started, but said he would quit. Throughout the next months I would question and question because I constantly smelled it. He made me feel like I was losing my mind and lied about it every time. Finally in the fall I found evidence through text messages. I confronted him again and he still denied it. I then found other inappropriate text messages to women (supposedly just friends - getting too close in my opinion - and I really don't think that he would cheat, but who knows.) that made me leave. I left for a week to stay with friends. He finally admitted everything and I went back. He is a master liar and I blamed myself, I'm not perfect by any means.

We went to counseling and he seemed to be doing better. I ended up pregnant unexpectedly and now we have a beautiful baby boy. He is a wonderful father and a great provider. I left my (good) job to stay home with the baby, so now we rely on my husband. He has a good job and is good at what he does.

Well last night I found more pot and I am heart broken. He has been telling me this past year that he would never hurt me again and that he knows the trust is going to take time to build back up. He always says the right thing to reassure me. Again, he is an excellent liar. I confronted him the morning, calmly and he denied it and said that he did it once in early February. I know this is a lie. I told him I'm not going to ask questions because I don't want to hear it. I don't know what else he is lying about. He really only admits to something once I have solid proof.

I guess I need support. I haven't talked to anyone about this yet, other than his sponsor. I did text him. My husband said that he told him, but he didn't. I felt that was inappropriate to contact his sponsor, but I just needed someone to know that could help him. He is extremely active in aa, so is that not working? I don't know what to do. As far as I know he hasn't drank, but pot was always his gateway. In the past 20 years, he has had six dui's and has been to prison twice for them. I think he thinks he's invincible.

I am going to look up al anon meetings. I did go to one the last time but I wasn't ready. I was so angry and really not wanting to support him. Sorry this is so long and thanks for reading if you did. The biggest problem for me is the lying. How can I ever trust him again?

Learning14

I'm really sorry, Nervous. This suxs.

Your husband is lying and make illegal and unhealthy choices when he promised you he wouldn't.

I would say do the Al-Anon meetings, post here and then try and figure out how you want to proceed FOR YOU AND YOUR SON.

Nervousinoh

Thank you Learning. We are going to talk tonight when he gets home from his meeting. I just can’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth. It’s sad.

Elle1974

You know in your gut. You really don't need (any more) proof...you already know. Do what you need for you and your child. Your husband is a grown man and can choose for himself. Only he is responsible for his actions.

Gm0824

Any type of drugs in the house/garage/yard/etc around my children would be a big NO for me.

I am happy to read you are going to try al-anon again. What are your boundaries? Can you be firm on them. What is your plan if your boundary(ies) have been crossed? Lots to start thinking about, I know I just had to make my mind up and start putting one foot in front of the other to get my plan into motion to do what was best for myself and my children. Hugs, friend.

GM