Should I Stay Or Should I Go.
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Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 8
Should I Stay Or Should I Go.
My 28 year old boyfriend of three years has had addiction problems since he was 17. He’s been working on his addiction since we’ve been dating and has gotten better and better with each remission on how to deal with things. He had been sober for about 6 months after his last DUI, and now he is back off the horse. I realize there is nothing I can do to help him; that it is all up to him to commit to sobriety, but in the back of my head I wonder. I want to be with him and I am so in love with him. We’ve talked about our plans for the future and getting married. I don’t think I could ever be as happy with anyone else as I am with him, but I am afraid for the future.
Then, last night, he had been going into the bathroom and bedroom for a long time with the door shut, claiming that he was cleaning. When I asked him about it (after much persistence) he told me he had bad stuff. I made him give it to me and persisted more. Then he gave me more stuff and showed me his secret hiding place. I took everything and threw it out. Then, I persisted even further until he had given me everything. He was peeved by that point and started getting verbally abusive. I was going to take the garbage away from the house and put it in a dumper in town so he couldn’t get it, but he fought for it, got his stuff, and ran into the bathroom. It scared the Hell out of me and I was uncontrollably crying. When he came out, he thought I had called the police, so he grabbed his stuff and left, saying he was so sorry and kissing my forehead before he left. I then grabbed my bags and spent the night at my moms. I have been dodging his calls all day. I have a big test for my State license tomorrow, and I am not going back to our apartment until that is taken care of. But now I am left with uncertainty. I have thought about us breaking up until he can resolve his issues, however long that may take, but I don’t know if he would. I just don’t want him to try and use me as a reason to get better because ultimately, it won’t be good enough. I want to have a future with this man, but his addiction keep s stopping us from sharing a life.
Thank you for reading this, and I would so appreciate your advice and thoughts on our situation.
Then, last night, he had been going into the bathroom and bedroom for a long time with the door shut, claiming that he was cleaning. When I asked him about it (after much persistence) he told me he had bad stuff. I made him give it to me and persisted more. Then he gave me more stuff and showed me his secret hiding place. I took everything and threw it out. Then, I persisted even further until he had given me everything. He was peeved by that point and started getting verbally abusive. I was going to take the garbage away from the house and put it in a dumper in town so he couldn’t get it, but he fought for it, got his stuff, and ran into the bathroom. It scared the Hell out of me and I was uncontrollably crying. When he came out, he thought I had called the police, so he grabbed his stuff and left, saying he was so sorry and kissing my forehead before he left. I then grabbed my bags and spent the night at my moms. I have been dodging his calls all day. I have a big test for my State license tomorrow, and I am not going back to our apartment until that is taken care of. But now I am left with uncertainty. I have thought about us breaking up until he can resolve his issues, however long that may take, but I don’t know if he would. I just don’t want him to try and use me as a reason to get better because ultimately, it won’t be good enough. I want to have a future with this man, but his addiction keep s stopping us from sharing a life.
Thank you for reading this, and I would so appreciate your advice and thoughts on our situation.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
Hi KRM 
you posted in our Forum Troubleshooting forum so I moved your post here for more response
I think the bottom line is - is this what you want your life to be like?
I hope it won;t be of course, and many of us here now lead sober happy lives - but realistically you have to look at the worst case scenario too.
If you really don't think you can stand a lifetime of this - and who would - then you have some pretty heavy thinking to do.
Have you considered something like NarAnon at all? Its for the support of loved ones of addicts, and of course you'll find support here at SR as well.
The good news is you're not alone
D
you posted in our Forum Troubleshooting forum so I moved your post here for more response
I think the bottom line is - is this what you want your life to be like?
I hope it won;t be of course, and many of us here now lead sober happy lives - but realistically you have to look at the worst case scenario too.
If you really don't think you can stand a lifetime of this - and who would - then you have some pretty heavy thinking to do.
Have you considered something like NarAnon at all? Its for the support of loved ones of addicts, and of course you'll find support here at SR as well.
The good news is you're not alone
D
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