almost 2months NC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
almost 2months NC
I'm almost 2 months no contact. I was feeling really great but now the last few days I'm really sad and wanting to reach out. Im fighting against it as I know it will all turn out the same. I just want to know if he is sober or still drinking. He had a relapse last time we were together but was seeing a dr and trying to get back sober. My mind is just going to all sorts of crazy places. Like has he already met someone new and she is getting the sober guy I longed for. I keep thinking his life is going so great and I'm here miserable. I'm hoping these feelings will pass. I thought I would feel so much better by now. when will I be able to stop thinking about him and focus on myself?!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,003
The A's on the Newcomer's Forum talk about surfing the urge. You might as well give it a try . . . . let all those emotions come: insecurities, hope, regret, fear and sadness. Let it wash on over you for as long as it needs to.
I also think we all have a codependent voice like the alcoholics have the alcoholic voice. This voice is total ******** but man oh man is it powerful!
Hugs to you lady!
I also think we all have a codependent voice like the alcoholics have the alcoholic voice. This voice is total ******** but man oh man is it powerful!
Hugs to you lady!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
Is he off on some sunny beach with a new relationship and all is wonderful in sober-ville?
Seems unlikely.
You posted last month:
If he can go from that to fun in the sun in a month, well that's amazing.
The truth probably is, he's still drinking. He may well want to have some kind of normal relationship with you, he may well want to be sober, but if that is not the case, he's going to choose to drink. Drinking is the number one priority.
He might just want to forget about trying to be "normal" about having responsibilities and instead just drink.
I hope you have written a list of things that came up in this relationship to refer to. The insults, the rescues, the times you wanted to do something or go somewhere but couldn't etc. Refer to that list at times like this.
Seems unlikely.
You posted last month:
got a dwi 4 months ago. Has an interlock on his car. Lost his job
The truth probably is, he's still drinking. He may well want to have some kind of normal relationship with you, he may well want to be sober, but if that is not the case, he's going to choose to drink. Drinking is the number one priority.
He might just want to forget about trying to be "normal" about having responsibilities and instead just drink.
I hope you have written a list of things that came up in this relationship to refer to. The insults, the rescues, the times you wanted to do something or go somewhere but couldn't etc. Refer to that list at times like this.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 7
I am not able to add much to your question about when the thinking will stop. My only other post in this forum so far is how to survive one day of NC.
What I want to mention is that you are almost 2 MONTHS NC. Two months! You just reminded me that NC can happen. Those thoughts of yours may still be there, but you are doing it. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.
What I want to mention is that you are almost 2 MONTHS NC. Two months! You just reminded me that NC can happen. Those thoughts of yours may still be there, but you are doing it. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by mamselle 
I am not able to add much to your question about when the thinking will stop. My only other post in this forum so far is how to survive one day of NC.
What I want to mention is that you are almost 2 MONTHS NC. Two months! You just reminded me that NC can happen. Those thoughts of yours may still be there, but you are doing it. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.
What I want to mention is that you are almost 2 MONTHS NC. Two months! You just reminded me that NC can happen. Those thoughts of yours may still be there, but you are doing it. Thank you for being an inspiration to me.
Hugs to you. You can do it! Stay strong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by trailmix
Is he off on some sunny beach with a new relationship and all is wonderful in sober-ville?
Seems unlikely.
You posted last month:
If he can go from that to fun in the sun in a month, well that's amazing.
The truth probably is, he's still drinking. He may well want to have some kind of normal relationship with you, he may well want to be sober, but if that is not the case, he's going to choose to drink. Drinking is the number one priority.
He might just want to forget about trying to be "normal" about having responsibilities and instead just drink.
I hope you have written a list of things that came up in this relationship to refer to. The insults, the rescues, the times you wanted to do something or go somewhere but couldn't etc. Refer to that list at times like this.
Seems unlikely.
You posted last month:
If he can go from that to fun in the sun in a month, well that's amazing.
The truth probably is, he's still drinking. He may well want to have some kind of normal relationship with you, he may well want to be sober, but if that is not the case, he's going to choose to drink. Drinking is the number one priority.
He might just want to forget about trying to be "normal" about having responsibilities and instead just drink.
I hope you have written a list of things that came up in this relationship to refer to. The insults, the rescues, the times you wanted to do something or go somewhere but couldn't etc. Refer to that list at times like this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 168
Good job Puzzle!! You are strong! I am trying to go NC. It’s hard. Yesterday I slipped and called him. I couldn’t stop myself. I was so sad and so lonely and I missed him.
Wish I hadn’t. I could tell he’d been drinking. He said he still loves me. I said I still love him. We hung up. I felt really really crappy. I also felt guilty for probably giving him false hope. I poked him. Not nice. I poked myself. Not nice. Going to start over and keep trying. I know I can’t be with him, so why call him?
Al Anon tomorrow. Counseling Thursday. Now I will try harder to avoid things that triggered it. He’s my drug of choice and I need to keep working my recovery.
Wish I hadn’t. I could tell he’d been drinking. He said he still loves me. I said I still love him. We hung up. I felt really really crappy. I also felt guilty for probably giving him false hope. I poked him. Not nice. I poked myself. Not nice. Going to start over and keep trying. I know I can’t be with him, so why call him?
Al Anon tomorrow. Counseling Thursday. Now I will try harder to avoid things that triggered it. He’s my drug of choice and I need to keep working my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Sailorgirl57
Good job Puzzle!! You are strong! I am trying to go NC. It’s hard. Yesterday I slipped and called him. I couldn’t stop myself. I was so sad and so lonely and I missed him.
Wish I hadn’t. I could tell he’d been drinking. He said he still loves me. I said I still love him. We hung up. I felt really really crappy. I also felt guilty for probably giving him false hope. I poked him. Not nice. I poked myself. Not nice. Going to start over and keep trying. I know I can’t be with him, so why call him?
Al Anon tomorrow. Counseling Thursday. Now I will try harder to avoid things that triggered it. He’s my drug of choice and I need to keep working my recovery.
Wish I hadn’t. I could tell he’d been drinking. He said he still loves me. I said I still love him. We hung up. I felt really really crappy. I also felt guilty for probably giving him false hope. I poked him. Not nice. I poked myself. Not nice. Going to start over and keep trying. I know I can’t be with him, so why call him?
Al Anon tomorrow. Counseling Thursday. Now I will try harder to avoid things that triggered it. He’s my drug of choice and I need to keep working my recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Originally Posted by Bekindalways
The A's on the Newcomer's Forum talk about surfing the urge. You might as well give it a try . . . . let all those emotions come: insecurities, hope, regret, fear and sadness. Let it wash on over you for as long as it needs to.
I also think we all have a codependent voice like the alcoholics have the alcoholic voice. This voice is total ******** but man oh man is it powerful!
Hugs to you lady!
I also think we all have a codependent voice like the alcoholics have the alcoholic voice. This voice is total ******** but man oh man is it powerful!
Hugs to you lady!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 224
All normal feelings Puzzle. I learned here on SR that feelings aren't always real. It helped me to remember that the new person in my xah's life was getting the same person I had. No matter how much he tried to hide his addictions, more is always revealed. You deserve so much more out of life. It does get easier. Outside of court (even then I only had to see him), I have been no contact for a couple of years.
GM
GM
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Gm0824
All normal feelings Puzzle. I learned here on SR that feelings aren't always real. It helped me to remember that the new person in my xah's life was getting the same person I had. No matter how much he tried to hide his addictions, more is always revealed. You deserve so much more out of life. It does get easier. Outside of court (even then I only had to see him), I have been no contact for a couple of years.
GM
GM
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 25
Puzzle, I have had the same or similar thoughts. Thinking he has made all these new friends in AA, he is having a great time, the women in AA are coming on to him, he is feeling like "The Man" with all this female attention. And this stuff is all up in my head...he is more likely feeling frustrated, irritable, impatient and pissed off at himself.
Also, my decision to go NC was made easier by the strong suspicion I have that he blocked my number after I tried to call him around Christmas. To my knowledge, no one has ever blocked me before...it was the first time I had tried to call him in the 4 months since he initiated the break and I know I sounded a little upset. So, I understand, but I was still a bit taken aback.
Also, my decision to go NC was made easier by the strong suspicion I have that he blocked my number after I tried to call him around Christmas. To my knowledge, no one has ever blocked me before...it was the first time I had tried to call him in the 4 months since he initiated the break and I know I sounded a little upset. So, I understand, but I was still a bit taken aback.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 229
Originally Posted by trailmix
I hope you have written a list of things that came up in this relationship to refer to. The insults, the rescues, the times you wanted to do something or go somewhere but couldn't etc. Refer to that list at times like this.
make that list, so you do not forget or get lost in the fog of 'what could have been' take the time to grieve. Grieving any relationship is perfectly normal and with our scenarios even more so, you need to grieve your lost dreams and then move on. Grieving takes longer than 2 months imo. But do not go there!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
