About to lose my partner of 7 years
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 1
About to lose my partner of 7 years
Hi,
First of all, thank you if you are reading this, being an addict is hard enough for me to meet new people. I'm 29 and I've being knowing the program since 8 years ago, I've had my ups and down, plenty of relapses and plenty of good things too.
As of today my longtime partner is with me, but as a last opportunity. She is tired of my addiction, of not giving enough time to her, of my complains and my painful actions towards her. She is tired of the same circle, of me going in and out of meetings, of me being flirty with other girls, of not giving time to her but talking to other girls. I realize now she has always been there for me during this journey, she has changed and adapted to please me, I've brought nothing more but pain to her.
I started going to meeting 19 days ago, I'm 19 days clean. Honestly, she is at the very end of the door, just one more step and she will leave me. And I completely understand her. I wouldn't know how to live without her, my mind is telling me to kill myself if that does happens. I'm trying to show her that I can change, I've deleted my social accounts (where I used to talk to other girls), I'm going to meetings and I'm doing my best to be there, but she is not buying that. She is sure this is "another circle" I will go to meetings for a couple of weeks, and make her happy, and then I will relapse, stop being a good partner, start talking/flirting with other girls and then another circle begins. She is tired of those circles, and so am I.
I'm doing the best I can, I need this for myself. I need to be clean, to be there for her, to bring her joy. Hopefully this will be not to late. I don't have high hopes, but I will keep coming back.
First of all, thank you if you are reading this, being an addict is hard enough for me to meet new people. I'm 29 and I've being knowing the program since 8 years ago, I've had my ups and down, plenty of relapses and plenty of good things too.
As of today my longtime partner is with me, but as a last opportunity. She is tired of my addiction, of not giving enough time to her, of my complains and my painful actions towards her. She is tired of the same circle, of me going in and out of meetings, of me being flirty with other girls, of not giving time to her but talking to other girls. I realize now she has always been there for me during this journey, she has changed and adapted to please me, I've brought nothing more but pain to her.
I started going to meeting 19 days ago, I'm 19 days clean. Honestly, she is at the very end of the door, just one more step and she will leave me. And I completely understand her. I wouldn't know how to live without her, my mind is telling me to kill myself if that does happens. I'm trying to show her that I can change, I've deleted my social accounts (where I used to talk to other girls), I'm going to meetings and I'm doing my best to be there, but she is not buying that. She is sure this is "another circle" I will go to meetings for a couple of weeks, and make her happy, and then I will relapse, stop being a good partner, start talking/flirting with other girls and then another circle begins. She is tired of those circles, and so am I.
I'm doing the best I can, I need this for myself. I need to be clean, to be there for her, to bring her joy. Hopefully this will be not to late. I don't have high hopes, but I will keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome seeking.
im going to change something ya typed:
I need this for myself. I need to be clean
changing it to
i WANT this for myself. I WANT to be clean.
if i would have gotten help and got clean and sober when i needed it, that would have occured about 20 or so years before i got clean and sober.
when i WANTED it, and for myself and no one else, i was able to get it.
19 days is an eternity, but i hope you understand that 19 days isnt going to erase 7 years of the chaos your GF has been dealing with. trust is earned through action over T.I.M.E.
T.I.M.E.= Things I Must Earn. its going to take more than just deleting accounts. its going to take time for her to see and hear a change in you.
and theres no timeline when that will occur.
ive got high hopes for you as do others. theres a great clean and sober life in the future if ya work for it.
do this for YOU.
im going to change something ya typed:
I need this for myself. I need to be clean
changing it to
i WANT this for myself. I WANT to be clean.
if i would have gotten help and got clean and sober when i needed it, that would have occured about 20 or so years before i got clean and sober.
when i WANTED it, and for myself and no one else, i was able to get it.
19 days is an eternity, but i hope you understand that 19 days isnt going to erase 7 years of the chaos your GF has been dealing with. trust is earned through action over T.I.M.E.
T.I.M.E.= Things I Must Earn. its going to take more than just deleting accounts. its going to take time for her to see and hear a change in you.
and theres no timeline when that will occur.
ive got high hopes for you as do others. theres a great clean and sober life in the future if ya work for it.
do this for YOU.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, seeking.
Welcome.
Stay sober. Work a program.
Try not to think too hard-difficult, I know-about your future with your partner.
Her actions are up to her, and if she’s done, she’s done.
This sounds harsh, and I am sorry for that.
But the one beacon on which you should be focusing is staying sober.
If we wallow in the wreckage we have caused, it will be near impossible to achieve sobriety.
You are not doing this for your partner, you are doing it for you.
We can’t know what the future holds.
Right now, stay sober.
You can do it.
Welcome.
Stay sober. Work a program.
Try not to think too hard-difficult, I know-about your future with your partner.
Her actions are up to her, and if she’s done, she’s done.
This sounds harsh, and I am sorry for that.
But the one beacon on which you should be focusing is staying sober.
If we wallow in the wreckage we have caused, it will be near impossible to achieve sobriety.
You are not doing this for your partner, you are doing it for you.
We can’t know what the future holds.
Right now, stay sober.
You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
welcome seeking.
im going to change something ya typed:
I need this for myself. I need to be clean
changing it to
i WANT this for myself. I WANT to be clean.
if i would have gotten help and got clean and sober when i needed it, that would have occured about 20 or so years before i got clean and sober.
when i WANTED it, and for myself and no one else, i was able to get it.
19 days is an eternity, but i hope you understand that 19 days isnt going to erase 7 years of the chaos your GF has been dealing with. trust is earned through action over T.I.M.E.
T.I.M.E.= Things I Must Earn. its going to take more than just deleting accounts. its going to take time for her to see and hear a change in you.
and theres no timeline when that will occur.
ive got high hopes for you as do others. theres a great clean and sober life in the future if ya work for it.
do this for YOU.
im going to change something ya typed:
I need this for myself. I need to be clean
changing it to
i WANT this for myself. I WANT to be clean.
if i would have gotten help and got clean and sober when i needed it, that would have occured about 20 or so years before i got clean and sober.
when i WANTED it, and for myself and no one else, i was able to get it.
19 days is an eternity, but i hope you understand that 19 days isnt going to erase 7 years of the chaos your GF has been dealing with. trust is earned through action over T.I.M.E.
T.I.M.E.= Things I Must Earn. its going to take more than just deleting accounts. its going to take time for her to see and hear a change in you.
and theres no timeline when that will occur.
ive got high hopes for you as do others. theres a great clean and sober life in the future if ya work for it.
do this for YOU.
YOU ABSOLUTELY DO HAVE TO COME FIRST.
Whatever happens with your relationship is out of your hands.
The very, very best thing you can do is hope and pray she gets the support and love she needs from people who understand her path.
Just take it a day at a time.
Love her, be kind, and your life does not hinge on a relationship.
Heartbreak hurts- I know, dealing with it too. But it gets better.
Keep focusing on you my friend. Don't stay alone, we are here for you.
The road goes on forever
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Southern USA
Posts: 1,107
First and Foremost.
Get Sober ... Get Clean... Get Well.
Let the "chips fall where they will"...
Sorry... But if the woman wants to leave. Nothing you can do.
But get well.. get clean .. get sober.
Play the tape... Forward.
Happiness lies ahead............ Get Well Get Clean Get Sober.
Get Sober ... Get Clean... Get Well.
Let the "chips fall where they will"...
Sorry... But if the woman wants to leave. Nothing you can do.
But get well.. get clean .. get sober.
Play the tape... Forward.
Happiness lies ahead............ Get Well Get Clean Get Sober.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 1,065
Welcome! Great advice here!
You have to get sober for you. It hurts, but sometimes partners are just done. Just like parents and children, it can make alcoholism a very lonely existence. My ex was an alcoholic, (yes I get the irony)
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do. So you have to be selfish and get sober for yourself.
You have to get sober for you. It hurts, but sometimes partners are just done. Just like parents and children, it can make alcoholism a very lonely existence. My ex was an alcoholic, (yes I get the irony)
Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do. So you have to be selfish and get sober for yourself.
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