KRM33

A while ago, I called a local liquor store, that is my boyfriend's usual go-to, and I asked if there was a way they could stop serving him. The person working there at the time told me you are able to go to court and get your name put on a list so that they will not be able to serve you at that establishment. He has agreed to have his name put down for all of the establishments that sell liquor in our area, but how do I go about getting this done? I don't know where to look or start this process for him.

biminiblue

Never heard of this. Why don't you call that liquor store again and ask them how/where.

Ladybird579

A while ago, I called a local liquor store, that is my boyfriend's usual go-to, and I asked if there was a way they could stop serving him. The person working there at the time told me you are able to go to court and get your name put on a list so that they will not be able to serve you at that establishment. He has agreed to have his name put down for all of the establishments that sell liquor in our area, but how do I go about getting this done?

You called to ask to see if they would stop serving him. Not him. He has probably agreed cos he knows he can get liquor elsewhere to get you off his back. Why are you trying to organise this? What exactly do you think it will achieve? If he want places to stop serving him cos he can't self regulate he needs to organise it himself. He is an adult and if he drinks or not is up to him..not you. Unless he is working a recovery program and is committed to sobriety this will not stop him drinking. He will just find other places to buy it. He already know this.

honeypig

KRM, if that is all it took--getting someone's name put on a list so no one would sell them liquor--I don't think AA/Alanon, the SR forum, or any of the many other recovery groups and inpatient/outpatient/halfway houses would exist.

Even if such a list exists, which I find pretty dang doubtful, it wouldn't solve the problem of alcoholism, not by a long shot. Putting the bottle down clearly has to be the FIRST step, but it is far, far from being the ONLY action that's necessary. Recovery is a process that involves a lot of hard work, time and serious commitment--you can read about all that over in the Alcoholics' section of the forum,

If you can, take some time and read around the forum. Make sure to look at the "stickies" at the top of the page. I'm glad you found us here and are looking for help, and educating yourself about alcoholism will help you make much more informed decisions about what actions to take in the future. Alanon can be a great resource for you too, and I'd suggest checking into that also.

PeacefulWater12

I gently and with kindness encourage you to step away from this insanity. He needs to take responsibility for his quit not you or anyone else.

Focus on you and your wellbeing. I recommend Al-anon for you too. It was a wonderful help to me. A real life changer and improver.

Please take care of yourself. Sending best wishes and strength to you.

Wamama48

It sounds like you move him very, very much. Its devastating when our alcoholics can't see what is slapping them in the face. Can't they see how much we love them, what they are doing to us?! We can't save them. And I'm saying this with love and support to you.....if you (or anyone else) had the power to save him, he would be happy and healthy right now.

velma929

The only thing this will accomplish would be for your boyfriend to drive farther to another liquor store.

I spent several summers at a convenience store. We couldn't sell alcohol to someone visibly intoxicated. If I had to check a list every time someone wanted to purchase booze, nothing else would have been accomplished. Requiring *every* sales point to check *every* ID, not only for the age of the buyer but against a list of prohibited customers would be unworkable. Judges sometimes tell criminals who are being released to abstaining from alcohol. It is the responsibility of the drinker to abstain, not the retail community's to baby-sit him or her.

KRM33

Thanks everyone for their response. He is on probation and won't be able to drive for another year and a half. We live in a town where most liquor is within walking access. The only thing the list would do is to make it harder for him to obtain. I thought that maybe once he comes out of his addictive, manic, I-need-liquor-now state, he'll be thankful he didn't have direct access to it and didn't make a bad decision. Also, when I talked to him about it, he agreed. We've been together for three years and Iknow 100% I can't fix him. I don't think he'll ever be "better." I'm just trying to distinguish that fine line between enabling him and helping him out.

atalose

I don’t think I have ever been in any liquor store where they asked me for my name or ID and then checked it against some list of who not to sell to. No offensive but it sounds like a ridiculous way of attempting to control someone else’s drinking. Test the theory for yourself, walk into a liquor store and buy something, see if they even ask your name/ID and then check it against any “no not sell list”.

If the alcoholic is pleased with your help you’re probably enabling. If the alcoholic is pissed as hell you’re probably helping.

Have you thought about looking into al-anon for yourself?

Learning14

KRM33

Actually, I'm not even sure what al-anon is. I'd like to learn more about addiction and how to handle certain situations. I've picked up on a few things over the past few years, but there is still so much I need to learn.

dandylion

KRM.....I am soo happy to hear that you want to learn more about alcoholism/addiction! I think that this shows that you have an open mind....which is such a good thing....

I have the perfect thing for you....We have an excellent and extensive library of articles on alcoholism and the effects on the loved o nes. There are a LOT of them...so, you can read one every single day....
You are correct when you say that there is so much to know...and, knowledge is power.

Here is that link....
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)

alanon is for those who have been affected by an alcoholic in their lives. It is a support group of those who have been through many of the same things that you age going through. Of people who understand beyond mere words...

Want a good book to read?....."CO-Dependent No More"....is highly recommended, here. I think you will get a lot out of it, for you, personally....It is so me times called the "sister group" of AA.....

hopeful4

Oh gosh. I remember living in this same sort of chaos. Thinking I could control everything. Nope. It never works.

atalose

Al-anon is a support program for people whose lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking.

You can learn a lot about addiction right here at SR, read through the sticties and posts. Al-anon can help you learn healthy ways to deal with an alcoholism.