Renvate

Here goes.
Sorry for the length, but you gotta place your thoughts somewhere.

I can't really complain. I have/had all the privileges and upbringing to build my life successfully. Yet I still keep naturally choosing this organised chaos that I consider my life.

I used to blame it on alcohol, and I still do I went from stable mind, month sober to a mess in a matter of days. Iam not a drunk mess, iam just a MESS and I didn't even notice how quickly it took over me again.

years of jumping from one unsucessfull serious relationship to another has made me realise the problem is definitely with me. These woman were all happy to spend their lives with me but I ended up leaving all those relationships because I didn't feel it was the right time/the one.

Last relationship was meant to be for marriage, I really prepared myself for that, but ofcourse I had to complicate it by making that relationship in another country which took our the stable financial position out of my life, and the relationship fizzled out.

So here I am, hungover as F*** counting all the money I spent last night on strippers, last drink's and prosititutes at a fancy parlour. I have only used a paid service once before in my life, iam not a frequent customer but lately iam considering it to be more of a habit just for sheer convenience.

You know you have a social/life issues when your the last guy to leave the strip club, wasted and heading straight for the atm and taxi at 7am and the prosititute you met at the parlour feels like your gf because you click so dam well, you know that feeling between you two when you meet your match? Yep, met my match in a brothel, misery sure loves company doesn't it. Two ppl with poor life choices found eachother.

I've always heard that construction workers have the highest cases of addiction, relationship breakdowns and suicide, and I've always wondered why. Turns out I think it's the social aspect of it. Being a freelance carpenter, all I know is tools and sawdust everyday. My hobbies include more tools and sawdust. And when it's all done the World has moved on but you only have two friends, alcohol and the temptation of easy woman.

It's not a very nice road to be on, it's very depressing, the more you go down it the more it becomes a part of you. I seriously feel like iam paddling with one oar whilst everyone is Normally rowing their boats to their destinations.

I am really REALLY surprised how fast alcoholism brings you back to your miserable self. I've old had a few beers over the weeks, and iam back at square one mentally. Iam literally throwing money away because it makes me feel alive. Iam making Crazy spontaneous purchases on expensive item's , last night's adventure, random travel trips on a whim ..etc

I used to f so financially wise, so responsible? What has happened? Why do I not care anymore?

Thankyou for reading, sorry for the "parlour" details.

Dee74

Welcome back Renvate.

Years of drinking changed me. I felt I was a lesser man.

I didn't like it, but I also had a lot of apathy about it too.

The solution for me was to target my alcoholism. Gettign that nonkey off my back was the first step in gettign the kind of life I wanted back, and the kind of man I wanted to be.

I put a lot of effort into drinking and partying...I had to commit to putting that kind of energy into recovery.

If that task wasn't beyond me, it's certainly not beyond you renvate

It means a lot of changes yeah - but the life you have now doesn't sound like you're enjoying it much?

D

DontRemember

I know a few of my subcontractors and their guy's who still lead that lifestyle. I've led it in the past and then got into a crazy LTR..Anyways..if you stay sober for a year,work and don't travel...Open a 2nd savings account and put the 'women',booze/drunken spending and trip money in there. It'll blow your mind!

Snowydelrico

That booze will take you down every wrong path.
If only, you could listen to logic.
Here’s the thing... you can.
You are the master of your own destiny.
It’s hard to make the decision to live sober.
But not nearly as hard as living with a beer in your hand.

Living sober in my experience is like raising a child.
hard but well worth the effort and something I will never regret doing.
And it does get easier with practice.
I’m a plasterer and a carpenter. So tradesmen can recover.
Don’t leave quitting till you are 30,40,50,60,70 years old.
Make it easy on yourself and throw that oar away and fit yourself an outboard motor to your boat.
Take care

Berrybean

Restless irritable discontent. The nature of the sober alcoholic without recovery.

Or back to drinking, letting loose for short periods running round trying to find something that will scratch an elusive itch thta we just cant seem to reach, and then filled with shame, self loathing, resentments, etc and dealing with the unmanageability in our life that come through active alcoholism. Trying and trying to find that old satisfaction and release by drinking, but no longer finding it (because that stage of our drinking has passed) and coming out sideways, acting out with spending and sex, and still feeling unsatisfied.

You know - I thought what I wanted was the same as what I needed. That turned out to be incorrect. What I needed was Recovery. A closeness with God, my higher power, and to get some integrity back. To learn better ways of dealing with life on life's terms, and relationships so I wasn't so dependent on drinking. To learn who I was without my drinking persona taking over. I needed to learn how to LIVE sober (just Being sober didn't cut it - that was far too painful). Turned out, if I wanted my life (and how it made me feel) to change, then I needed to be the one to change, because the world sure wasn't gonna go and change for me.

Maybe it's time to try again and look at your recovery plan (if you got round to making one before) and add some more stuff in. Probably some stuff that you said to yourself that you'd never do, or didn't need to do. We tend to get better once we've received the gift of desperation, because that's when we become willing to try doing what we NEED rather than just cut out booze and do things we like to do that we thing are healthy and might help.

BB

Renvate

Thanks guys. Glad I got some advice, and change is really needed. But iam not really sure on what to say atm. BerryBean is right, just in a constant state of discontent atm.

Iam not drinking, which is a plus, and stopping has become muxh easier then previous years.

Berrybean

When I got to AA and looked at the 12-step poster hanging on the wall I was fairly confused by the fact that only the first step even mentioned alcohol. All those other steps were about learning about what had held us back and learning new and better ways to deal with life. At the time I was still pretty sure that I wasn't the problem. If the world could just change a little bit and be more how I wanted then things would be just fine. Of course, the world isn't about to change for me though. Six months further down the line I was ready. I'd got miserable enough, and desperate enough. I got a sponsor and started to really put some effort into my recovery and it didn't take too long before my perspective started to shift and I stopped feeling as discontent and angry and generally 'let down' by life and people.

Why not have a look at the options available to you. AA tends to be available in most places (Google AA meetings in your town / area and the list will come up - you could probably go to a meeting today). SMART is also available in a lot of places but tends not to be as easy to find as AA). Dee's thread could be a good idea as well - lots of ideas for making a recovery plan on there. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...y-plans-1.html

Getting sober is just the first step. And it's lonely and drafty sitting on that step on your own. Recovery is the thing that makes sobriety sustainable, then comfortable, and eventually preferable to drinking.

BB

FreeOwl

If I could go back to my stripper-spending, binge-drinking, financially-irresponsible, blowing-my-life-in-the-guise-of-good-times 27 year old self I'd probably smack him in the head and say DUDE!!!! WAKE THE F**** UP!!!!

Another 14 years went by for my 27 year old self.... along with a couple DUIs and a ton more money and stupid relationship mistakes, affairs, cocaine, ecstasy, acid, enough pot to kill elephants..... two marriages.

I finally figured out it WAS the alcohol. And it WAS the drugs. And it WAS my ongoing decision to live the life of an addict. It IS a choice.

Strippers are a wasteful, distasteful, lousy pasttime for everyone involved. Alcohol is robbing you of your youth, your life, your potential.

DUDE!!! WAKE THE F*** UP!!!!

Love, Your Future Self

(it's a whole bunch happier over here.... please don't wait til you're 40)

doggonecarl

Poor choices, in the end, are just that. Choices.

HTown

Really you get one life. You do not much like your life right now. How about writing some goals. What would your life look like and where will you be in 5 years. If you quit drinking, all of those goals become possible. Start there.

MindfulMan

If you stop the drinking you'll probably stop the strippers. Seriously, what fun is a strip club sober? It sounds pathetic to me.

Stop the drinking and the rest will follow naturally.

Hookers and strippers and binge drinking at 27 isn't exactly rare. I wouldn't beat myself up too much about it. Nearly every marriage that I've seen that started with guys in their 20s has failed anyway.

It doesn't sound like you want to continue it though. Which is also normal to want to grow up and be a man instead of an eternal adolescent.

You're not drinking and/or drugging now. Great. I have a feeling that the rest will follow naturally. You are right at the age where guys start to get serious about themselves, work, and starting a family. My brother was 7 years older. I watched him and nearly all of his friends dump their girlfriends at 27 and end up with the women that they married. It's a pattern.

One thing at a time. Change is easier when it is simpler.

Renvate

Thanks mindful man. Strippers, drinking and woman for guys my age can seem normal, but my wreckless behaviour is starting to give me alarm bells like never before, perhaps iam just getting abit older.

Goals? Well I seem to be achieving everything I set, but the result is always some kind of success mixed with mess and unorganisation, if you know what I mean.

As I said I've been a month sober so glad at least I can work ontop of that.

YoungMIA

I can relate to the OP's post; as someone that has done almost everything mentioned in the first post I am glad to have read this. Really puts it into perspective for me and why I need to get it together.

Thank you.

FreeOwl

You’re welcome. I hope you take it deeply to heart.

It’s not like I didn’t have plenty of opportunity to see what I was throwing away. I literally would have been a millionaire if I’d quit drinking at 27. No question about it.

Not to mention all the anguish and despair and misery I’d have saved myself.

I harbor no regrets because that’s wasted and I’m happy.... but holy moly if you’re at that stage and seeing the writing on the wall PLEASE!!! Give yourself the greatest gift you can imagine and make a right turn into a life of abundance and joy in ways you can’t even imagine.