0808hope

I've been reading your posts for a few weeks now and I'm finally ready to share my story. My abf and I live together and have for 20 months. I am 8 weeks pregnant, and his drinking has not subsided. I stupidly thought it would. He has 2 children from a previous marriage and I one. His oldest kid just expressed he'd like to see a counselor, and that he would like his dad to not drink in front of him. My bf thought that was ridiculous. He is currently laid off, seasonal worker, so he has ample time to drink. He's had a problem, from what i can tell, all his adult life, he's 38. He gets emotionally and verbally abusive when he drinks, the typical Jekyll and Hyde scenario, loving, sweet attentive when sober, a monster when drunk. Last night he went to the casino with a friend and got pissed at me when i wouldn't put my 9 year old in a car at midnight, in the winter here, and pick him up 30 minutes away. He called me all sorts of names...he just called me from his friends house, how i should watch myself that he might leave me... I'm a terrible mom, girlfriend, person, calling me names and then hangs up on me so I can't ferns myself. I sent him a text basically asking him to made a choice, me or the booze, I know what he'll choose. I have never given him an ultimatum, but being pregnant has given me less tolerance for his bs i guess. This was an hour ago... no response
I see how he treats his ex wife, I'm scared that'll Happen with me if I have this baby. He already is so abusive, and he supposedly loves me, i can't imagine how he'll act if we spilt. I'm rambling, I'm so overwhelmed, I'm just waiting for the front door to open up to ww3

FeelingGreat

Hi Hope, I'm afraid the chances are you will end up in the same category as his first wife. When we meet a new partner we're on our best behaviour, we're quite sincere in thinking this new relationship will bring out the best we can be. You no doubt fell in love with him during that stage. Now the real him is coming out, and if you doubt it, look at how he treats his ex and his children. One of the kids has told him that he's upset by the drinking and it hasn't disturbed him at all, or changed his lifestyle.
Apart from that, there's the thing about abuse. It doesn't have to be physical to beat you down.
You've got some choices ahead of you. I hope you opt for what's best for you and your son.

dandylion

O8O8......please get yourself to a counselor, now...or, an emergency appointment with your OB-Gyn....or, to Planned Parenthood....right away.
Also, you can get help from the local Domestic Violence organization.....
They are very understanding , and will help you...

Here is the number.....1-800-787-3224

Time is important...and, there is no benefit from not getting help, right away.
There is no need to let him know that you are getting help. That might make him worse.
Don't think that ANYTHING is going to make him change...even if he makes some "promises"....because they will dry up like the dew in the morning sun with any amount of "stress".....

Gm0824

0808, I agree with reaching out to the DV as soon as you can. Continue reading and posting when you can, knowledge is power.

You and your children deserve so much more than him just giving up the booze. A drunk, verbally abusive, arrogant, self centered ***** that just "quits" drinking is still a verbally abusive, arrogant, self centered ***** in my book.

Please, reach out to the DV for yourself, your 9 yo and unborn baby. Al anon was a huge help to me for face to face support. My xah was never in any type of "quit" or recovery but when I was in a similar spot as you with small children I was requesting a year living separate, him actively working a recovery program, therapy for the abuse and a few other things. He counter offered to give me a week off. A week off from him, btw, not my full time job, full time parenting duties, household duties, etc. Um, no thanks. I had been on this merry go round too many times, I wanted to see action, not words.

Sending you support.

GM

Smarie78

One of the things that helped me leave was seeing the way xabf treated his very young child who had problems because of his drinking. Everytime he would tell me his son was suffering from such and such issue because he was an absent parent, it would never result in him going to see the child. These were moments where he was dry too so he had no excuse. Couldn't even blame it on the drinking. I can tell you from experience that he will not change. This is basically a sneak preview of the rest of your life. He will treat you the same as his exes. Since you have a child I would get out as soon as you can. You don't want your son to be exposed to any of his violence or toxic behavior. Do it for your son if nothing else. I'm truly not trying to be negative nancy here, but there is 0% chance in things improving. Much love and luck to you.

atalose

This is not love in any way shape or form, he doesn’t seem to know how to love anything as much as he loves the bottle. Words are not love, he says he loves you yet his actions speak something else.

I second getting in touch with domestic violence counseling.

I’m curious, he’s unemployed so where does he get the $ to gamble and drink?

Gm0824

Just checking on you 0808, how are you doing today?