One Good Thing...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 50
One Good Thing...
HI there, everyone. Long time lurker, very occasional poster. Five hundred and sixteen days sober.
False start after false start, I finally made my first real, concerted effort to quit drinking in September of 2016. My marriage was on the rocks and I knew that I would have to keep my wits about me if I stood any chance at all of making it right. Drunk texts or slurred insults I wouldn't remember in the morning wouldn't be of any help whatsoever.
There were reasons for the eventual separation that came about two months later that didn't include booze, lots of them, but booze played its part, and that part looms larger and larger the more separation I have from the bottle.
Despite the fact that this was, is, and will be the hardest part of my life - I firmly believe I was mentally ill for roughly six months after, practically bedridden and only marginally able to work (thank God I was working from home) - I didn't drink, and I won't. Not one drop. Because I know that if I drink, I lose the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. My sobriety.
After a long separation, my wife has finally initiated the divorce proceedings I swore I wouldn't file first, so it's still tough times, obviously, but so much better than those first few black months. Perhaps imperfectly, but time truly does heal all wounds.
I still don't have the peace, the clarity, and the wonderful life I read about from those with a few months or years under their belt. I do want it, but not yet. Instead I have my white-knuckle grasp on the one good thing I can glean from this current life of mine and the satisfaction I feel watching that day count go up and up.
But for me, for now, that's enough.
False start after false start, I finally made my first real, concerted effort to quit drinking in September of 2016. My marriage was on the rocks and I knew that I would have to keep my wits about me if I stood any chance at all of making it right. Drunk texts or slurred insults I wouldn't remember in the morning wouldn't be of any help whatsoever.
There were reasons for the eventual separation that came about two months later that didn't include booze, lots of them, but booze played its part, and that part looms larger and larger the more separation I have from the bottle.
Despite the fact that this was, is, and will be the hardest part of my life - I firmly believe I was mentally ill for roughly six months after, practically bedridden and only marginally able to work (thank God I was working from home) - I didn't drink, and I won't. Not one drop. Because I know that if I drink, I lose the one good thing to come out of this nightmare. My sobriety.
After a long separation, my wife has finally initiated the divorce proceedings I swore I wouldn't file first, so it's still tough times, obviously, but so much better than those first few black months. Perhaps imperfectly, but time truly does heal all wounds.
I still don't have the peace, the clarity, and the wonderful life I read about from those with a few months or years under their belt. I do want it, but not yet. Instead I have my white-knuckle grasp on the one good thing I can glean from this current life of mine and the satisfaction I feel watching that day count go up and up.
But for me, for now, that's enough.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: middle of nowhere
Posts: 2,849
I have so much empathy for you- I know how you feel, I have walked a lot of that the past year.
But- I admire you and send you strength to persevere.
Can you grab some IRL support? In whatever form? White knuckling it works for so long and SR is great. But that human connection makes a really big difference, in whatever way you find it.
Please don't drink again. I know the painful depression of the sober struggle.
The regret to returning to drinking will blanket all the other crap and make it even harder to get back to a life where you can be sober, what through the pain, and be stronger for it.
Don't give up. I really, really admire you. Strength my friend.
xo Del
But- I admire you and send you strength to persevere.
Can you grab some IRL support? In whatever form? White knuckling it works for so long and SR is great. But that human connection makes a really big difference, in whatever way you find it.
Please don't drink again. I know the painful depression of the sober struggle.
The regret to returning to drinking will blanket all the other crap and make it even harder to get back to a life where you can be sober, what through the pain, and be stronger for it.
Don't give up. I really, really admire you. Strength my friend.
xo Del
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by Delizadee 
I have so much empathy for you- I know how you feel, I have walked a lot of that the past year.
But- I admire you and send you strength to persevere.
Can you grab some IRL support? In whatever form? White knuckling it works for so long and SR is great. But that human connection makes a really big difference, in whatever way you find it.
Please don't drink again. I know the painful depression of the sober struggle.
The regret to returning to drinking will blanket all the other crap and make it even harder to get back to a life where you can be sober, what through the pain, and be stronger for it.
Don't give up. I really, really admire you. Strength my friend.
xo Del
But- I admire you and send you strength to persevere.
Can you grab some IRL support? In whatever form? White knuckling it works for so long and SR is great. But that human connection makes a really big difference, in whatever way you find it.
Please don't drink again. I know the painful depression of the sober struggle.
The regret to returning to drinking will blanket all the other crap and make it even harder to get back to a life where you can be sober, what through the pain, and be stronger for it.
Don't give up. I really, really admire you. Strength my friend.
xo Del
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Playing "One Good Thing" has gotten me through two divorces, the abduction of my children, a custody battle and countless other bouts with challenge....
There is always One Good Thing if we open ourselves to look for it...
and One Good Thing always leads to another.
Keep the faith, friend.
There is always One Good Thing if we open ourselves to look for it...
and One Good Thing always leads to another.
Keep the faith, friend.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Anustart
I've tried AA a couple of times but I just don't think it's for me. Even with health insurance, regular therapy's a bit more than I'm willing to spend right now. The support of family and friends has been enough thus far.
The meetings provide fellowship and a little motivation to work the program. Alone they do not treat alcoholism.
Well done on 516 days. Doing it your way( I tried) I couldn't get more than 21 days.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
Hi, Nustart.
I imagine you have been in a very difficult and draining emotional state coping with your separation. Congratulations for staying strong and not returning to the bottle for solace!
You probably haven’t had the brain space yet to seek out new interests and joys—you’ve been too busy just staying afloat!
Life really and truly does get better without alcohol.
You’ve got a great outlook.
I imagine you have been in a very difficult and draining emotional state coping with your separation. Congratulations for staying strong and not returning to the bottle for solace!
You probably haven’t had the brain space yet to seek out new interests and joys—you’ve been too busy just staying afloat!
Life really and truly does get better without alcohol.
You’ve got a great outlook.
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