Partner relapsing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Sydney NSW
Posts: 4
Partner relapsing.
Hi there, Im not sure if this is the right forum for this post but I am looking for sime advice and i guess just sime listening ears for my situation.
My husband has been sober on and off for around 3 years. He has done very well, but has had maybe 5 or 6 relapses in this time. He has had 3 Drink driving charges in the past 5 years and the last one (12 months ago) he was actually sentenced to prison for 4 months because of his repeat offending. He appealed this sentence and did not go to prison thank god, and has had to abide by some very strict probation conditions including no alcohol. Probation officers can turn up anytime and he must pass drug and alcohol testing.
Until a week ago he was nearly 12 months sober and in that time our relationship has been the best it has ever been. We have even brought our first home, something we are both very proud of.
He has been working away for about 2 months, only 1 - 1.5 hours drive away but he still has no drivers licence so has had to stay close to the job mon - fri and I drive him there and back at the start and end of the week. I also work and we have 2 young boys so this has been a bit of a strain on all of us.
He slipped up last week and had a couple of beers after work, whilst waiting for me driving to pick him up. He said he did it because it was just so hot (summer time in Australia). He knows this is not the real reason but wont talk to me or anyone else about what really led him to take that drink.
We did have a good chat about the danger of that one occasion leading to another and another and he felt it would be a once off.
He went back to working and staying away after the weekend and my gut was telling me things were not right. We talk and video chat every day and night and I suspected a few night that he was drinking and then last night I was certain. At first when I asked him he got angry that I would accuse him but eventually he admitted it.
I fear he abandoned his recovery and when that happens he becomes so reckless and irresponsible that anything can happen.
I am trying to keep my feelings in check so I can support him and not inflame the situation and so far I have done this but internally I am so anxious and afraid of what might happen.
I have to drive to pick him up for the weekend again soon and I am so nervous that he will be drunk or drinking.
I feel like he should give away his job working away so he will be less tempted but not sure if that is really the solution or just a bandaid fix.
He attends AA but only because his probation conditiins require it. He does think he is not as bad as tbe others at his meetings.
He previously attended a Smart Recovery group which he was very comitted to buy we have moved and he can no longer go. He still has contact with that group leader and I have suggested that he reach out to him, hopefully he will.
My husband has been sober on and off for around 3 years. He has done very well, but has had maybe 5 or 6 relapses in this time. He has had 3 Drink driving charges in the past 5 years and the last one (12 months ago) he was actually sentenced to prison for 4 months because of his repeat offending. He appealed this sentence and did not go to prison thank god, and has had to abide by some very strict probation conditions including no alcohol. Probation officers can turn up anytime and he must pass drug and alcohol testing.
Until a week ago he was nearly 12 months sober and in that time our relationship has been the best it has ever been. We have even brought our first home, something we are both very proud of.
He has been working away for about 2 months, only 1 - 1.5 hours drive away but he still has no drivers licence so has had to stay close to the job mon - fri and I drive him there and back at the start and end of the week. I also work and we have 2 young boys so this has been a bit of a strain on all of us.
He slipped up last week and had a couple of beers after work, whilst waiting for me driving to pick him up. He said he did it because it was just so hot (summer time in Australia). He knows this is not the real reason but wont talk to me or anyone else about what really led him to take that drink.
We did have a good chat about the danger of that one occasion leading to another and another and he felt it would be a once off.
He went back to working and staying away after the weekend and my gut was telling me things were not right. We talk and video chat every day and night and I suspected a few night that he was drinking and then last night I was certain. At first when I asked him he got angry that I would accuse him but eventually he admitted it.
I fear he abandoned his recovery and when that happens he becomes so reckless and irresponsible that anything can happen.
I am trying to keep my feelings in check so I can support him and not inflame the situation and so far I have done this but internally I am so anxious and afraid of what might happen.
I have to drive to pick him up for the weekend again soon and I am so nervous that he will be drunk or drinking.
I feel like he should give away his job working away so he will be less tempted but not sure if that is really the solution or just a bandaid fix.
He attends AA but only because his probation conditiins require it. He does think he is not as bad as tbe others at his meetings.
He previously attended a Smart Recovery group which he was very comitted to buy we have moved and he can no longer go. He still has contact with that group leader and I have suggested that he reach out to him, hopefully he will.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
I'm sorry for your situation.
Your partner has had 3 DUI's and barely missed considerable jail time, and yet he's not serious about his recovery. It seems that he is imposing on you to drive him and pick him up from his job, even though you have a job, a home and two children to take care of.
I think it's important for you to take care of yourself and your children. I think you need some boundaries that will help keep you and your children safe.
Your partner has had 3 DUI's and barely missed considerable jail time, and yet he's not serious about his recovery. It seems that he is imposing on you to drive him and pick him up from his job, even though you have a job, a home and two children to take care of.
I think it's important for you to take care of yourself and your children. I think you need some boundaries that will help keep you and your children safe.
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