Harperlee4

Another one of my latest ponderings... I know I made the right decision to break up with my alcoholic boyfriend and I know there is nothing I can do to make him better. All I can do is focus on myself and my own healing BUT I still hope with all my heart that he will get sober and maybe one day we can be together. I know I can't wait around for him and I don't think it is likely that he will recover but I also can't imagine loving anyone as much as him. I have been in plenty of other relationships yet he was the first one I never doubted my feelings for. I just knew I loved him. Before I discovered his alcohol addiction I felt certain that he was it for me. Is this wrong of me to hope for the near impossible?

dandylion

Harperlee.....I think it is human to want to hang on.....
It is, also, normal to feel like you will never love anyone else as much....I think....
I thought that same thing, once......and, I was so wrong!!!!!

Bekindalways

Hi Harperlee. I was pretty sure that my Qualifier would eventually die in a way related to his addiction. Of course, I hoped the best for him but didn't have much hope.

He went all the way down to doing armed robberies and went to jail for 3 years. I believe he has been sober some 25 years now. So it can happen. I saw him some years into his sobriety and he had been told that he was pretty much the 1 in 100. I don't know if this is true but I do know that some do achieve sobriety.

I actually never did fall in love again. I was diagnosed with chronic depression and have continually dealt with codependent issues. I've had a good life and don't regret much. I wish relationship/marriage had been in the cards but it just never was. I am quite okay with this now but it took a long time to get to this point of peace. I'm 55.

Sailorgirl57

Great book to read: too bad to leave, too good to stay. Walks you through the process of getting past ambivalence, which can be damaging in the last big run. Good luck! Love and hugs from Sailor.

Givenup2018

It is far too soon for you to think of ever loving again. Time will probably have you feeling far different from now. A year from now, you will see things far differently and more clearly. Work on your own life, cut contact.
Someone on here was talking about the 3 'C's. You didn't cause his alcohilism, you cannot control his alcoholism and you cannot cure his alcoholism.

honeypig

Maybe I am shallow, but I could have written those same words about my ex when any of my major relationships ended. I certainly didn't feel exactly the same things w/each of the people I had multiple-year relationships with prior to meeting XAH, but in each case, I was sure this was "the one."

As another member said, I think time will tell the tale. We think the pain will never end, the scars will never fade, the memories will never pale, but they do. They really do.

Make room for beauty, for peace, for joy, and they will creep in when you least expect them, Lee.

AnvilheadII

Is this wrong of me to hope for the near impossible?

no, but you should probably examine your HOPE a little bit more.

you are not just hoping he someday finds a solution to his addiction.
you are hoping that he does so and then comes and finds you and you get SOBER GUY and happily ever after.

this means you are hoping that he CHANGE (a lot!!!!) - that he wants different things, does different things, thinks differently, acts differently. so basically not be WHO HE IS at all. but who you IMAGINE he CAN be..............IF............