Please read if you’re a parent or just struggling..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 236
Please read if you’re a parent or just struggling..
I just wanted to take a minute to share something unbelievably scary that happened to me in hopes that maybe it will keep someone else from picking up a drink tonight, tomorrow, whenever..
I can proudly say that I am on day 143 sober. This is huge for me as I never made it more then 30 before this. Things have been going so well in so many ways. I have lost weight, my relationship with my husband has improved and much more. In fact, we were eagerly awaiting a weekend get away alone this coming Friday.
Unfortunately this Sunday, my 18 year old son became very ill. He woke me at 11pm (the time I would normal be well through a bottle of wine or whatever) and he was crying in pain. Thank god I was sober because we had to rush to the ER.
Long story short, my very healthy, big strong son was diagnosed with pulmonary embolisms. He had multiple blood clots throughout both sides of his lungs. In case anyone doesn’t know, this is extremely rare in a person of his age and very dangerous. I was told multiple times that if we had not gotten him in when we did that there was a very good chance it could have been fatal. :-(
Last night as I lay on the pullout couch at the hospital I broke down and all I could think about was what would have happened had I been drunk, or passed out and my son had decided to just try to sleep it off. If so, he may not be with us right now.
The most ironic part? For the last couple of weeks I had started to debate about having just a few glasses of wine with my husband while we were away. In fact I decided that I would and even put “big bottle red wine” on my grocery list.
I’m not a religious person but if that isn’t something or someone telling me that I should never touch another sip I don’t know what is.
Needless to say, our trip was canceled and that is just fine with me since I don’t want to leave his side anyways, but now I don’t even have to think about it or deal with the guilt or shame that would have came with drinking.
Most importantly I was there for my son, mentally, physically and emotionally, not buzzed or passed out.
Sorry this was so long but I hope it might help someone! :-)
I can proudly say that I am on day 143 sober. This is huge for me as I never made it more then 30 before this. Things have been going so well in so many ways. I have lost weight, my relationship with my husband has improved and much more. In fact, we were eagerly awaiting a weekend get away alone this coming Friday.
Unfortunately this Sunday, my 18 year old son became very ill. He woke me at 11pm (the time I would normal be well through a bottle of wine or whatever) and he was crying in pain. Thank god I was sober because we had to rush to the ER.
Long story short, my very healthy, big strong son was diagnosed with pulmonary embolisms. He had multiple blood clots throughout both sides of his lungs. In case anyone doesn’t know, this is extremely rare in a person of his age and very dangerous. I was told multiple times that if we had not gotten him in when we did that there was a very good chance it could have been fatal. :-(
Last night as I lay on the pullout couch at the hospital I broke down and all I could think about was what would have happened had I been drunk, or passed out and my son had decided to just try to sleep it off. If so, he may not be with us right now.
The most ironic part? For the last couple of weeks I had started to debate about having just a few glasses of wine with my husband while we were away. In fact I decided that I would and even put “big bottle red wine” on my grocery list.
I’m not a religious person but if that isn’t something or someone telling me that I should never touch another sip I don’t know what is.
Needless to say, our trip was canceled and that is just fine with me since I don’t want to leave his side anyways, but now I don’t even have to think about it or deal with the guilt or shame that would have came with drinking.
Most importantly I was there for my son, mentally, physically and emotionally, not buzzed or passed out.
Sorry this was so long but I hope it might help someone! :-)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 327
Glad to hear everything is ok, and wishing your son a speedy recovery!
I too have had a thought or two about "having a couple glasses" lately. I have lost weight and I am feeling really good as I approach 100 days.
I have to remind myself, however, that I feel this way because I'm not drinking, and I'm not drinking because of how bad I felt when I was.
I too have had a thought or two about "having a couple glasses" lately. I have lost weight and I am feeling really good as I approach 100 days.
I have to remind myself, however, that I feel this way because I'm not drinking, and I'm not drinking because of how bad I felt when I was.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 403
The what ifs are very scary. One time, I went to the liquor store and left my son at home. He said he would be fine (he was 7) and the store was less than a block away. I justified it by thinking that sometimes, I was out at my car for longer getting stuff. I still can't believe it came to that.
I've never told anyone that except this board. My husband would murder me if he knew.
I've never told anyone that except this board. My husband would murder me if he knew.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Thank you for sharing this....it must have been a terrible ordeal for you. It is so good to be sober when your children need you, so I hope you will take pride in quitting. No self-recriminations and no shame is one of the great gifts of being sober. I hope your son will make a speedy recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 146
What an excellent post and it made me think. I would often think when I was home alone with little boys and drinking to excess, “What would happen if he fell and needed to be rushed to the hospital”? How much slower would I react to that situation and now I need to drive drunk to the hospital? So I would face a DUI, risk of endangerment to a child and what happens if I could have gotten him or something like that?
Really makes you think
Really makes you think
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
What a moving post, Mand. Thank you so much for sharing. So scary! We are so glad your son is OK.
I'm a mom too (of older kids), and can totally relate. I'm so grateful to have put my thoughtless behavior behind me and now be available, capable, engaged, present and ready to do what I need to do for my kids, no matter the time of day. I shudder to think of the risks I took (even if it was in the imagined safety of home, not in a bar or on the road.. who knows when you need to handle something unexpected, especially with kids with medical issues like one of mine has), as well as precious moments squandered in just day to day interactions, by not being my best self for them. One of my shameful memories is all the times my kids would say the next day, after, say, confiding in me about something important to them, and me forgetting, "Mom, don't you remember?" Or not being able to do something as simple as go pick them up before they could drive, or resenting not being able to drink because I had to drive to go get them somewhere. I chose wine over true connection with the people I love most. You never get that time back. So thankful now for every sober moment with my kids, though the time is short now before they are all grown and moved away,
So happy for you, Mand, that you are on this better path, for you and your family.
I'm a mom too (of older kids), and can totally relate. I'm so grateful to have put my thoughtless behavior behind me and now be available, capable, engaged, present and ready to do what I need to do for my kids, no matter the time of day. I shudder to think of the risks I took (even if it was in the imagined safety of home, not in a bar or on the road.. who knows when you need to handle something unexpected, especially with kids with medical issues like one of mine has), as well as precious moments squandered in just day to day interactions, by not being my best self for them. One of my shameful memories is all the times my kids would say the next day, after, say, confiding in me about something important to them, and me forgetting, "Mom, don't you remember?" Or not being able to do something as simple as go pick them up before they could drive, or resenting not being able to drink because I had to drive to go get them somewhere. I chose wine over true connection with the people I love most. You never get that time back. So thankful now for every sober moment with my kids, though the time is short now before they are all grown and moved away,
So happy for you, Mand, that you are on this better path, for you and your family.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 12
Thank you so much for sharing this. This hit my heart in a heavy and happy way. Thank your higher power for stepping in and being there when you wanted to go back to drinking. And thank yourself too. You have worked so hard, and this is something to show for it. Be proud, you were there for him. He needed you and you were actually there! And you still are. You are such a great mother, I can tell through your writing the heart you have. From one parent to another, good luck on the journey of parenthood. It is rough but every second is worth it to see their smile and hear "I love you mama" or when they become a toddler, "mama can we cuddle tonight" the love between a mother and her child is so beautiful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
I hope your son will be fine now . So glad you were sober and congratulations on 143 days .
Your post reminds me of a shameful event when my youngest son now 24 was about 5 years old and we were in a park with stream where he was throwing stones into the water and I was drinking strong lager sitting quite close to him .
I dont know how but he cut his hand on a sharp piece of slate and I knew right away it needed stitches . I was in a position that I had to drive him to A an E . It took me all my might not to breathe near the staff but i,m sure they must have smelt the stench of beer . To this day I have never told a soul other than you on SR about the fact that I would have been well over the limit . I cringe when I recall that day .
Your post reminds me of a shameful event when my youngest son now 24 was about 5 years old and we were in a park with stream where he was throwing stones into the water and I was drinking strong lager sitting quite close to him .
I dont know how but he cut his hand on a sharp piece of slate and I knew right away it needed stitches . I was in a position that I had to drive him to A an E . It took me all my might not to breathe near the staff but i,m sure they must have smelt the stench of beer . To this day I have never told a soul other than you on SR about the fact that I would have been well over the limit . I cringe when I recall that day .
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